Best Gaffes Poems

The mistress of mirth it’s who I am
In reality I am simply Jan 
I’ll try and give you laughs
About my silly gaffes
And entertain as much as I can


My panties once went up the hoover
It was a remarkable manoeuvre
Yes I will disclose
They flew up the hose
Phew-...

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Poetry is tangerine and other potent or poisonous colors.
It is the breath you feel at the nape of your neck and
the strong caress of flesh on flesh, defying death.
It is most certainly Spring with petal flutters and jays
flittering about. Melodies come alive…words almost too
ravishing to...

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It’s not for lack of intelligence 
My inhibitor is on the fritz

A frontal lobe phenomena
I’m prone to gaffes and fits

My amygdalae are loaded
A hair trigger set to snap 

Sometimes words escape me
Like rats outsmarting a trap
...

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                               Your Best Poet Friends
          ...

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You’ve got to have a certain knack
when opening your Silly Sack;
the beasts within will soon attack
with no hold barred, no turning back.

Now these are not the monstrous sort,
it’s just that they do not comport.
Of mischief, they are never short,
treat mayhem like it is a sport.

Prepare...

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She’s eighty-nine years of age 
So wise she’s quite a sage
As long as she’s sane
Long may she reign
I do hope she draws a good wage

She married Prince Phillip who’s Greek
His gaffes sometimes make him a geek
When he opens his mouth
His brains they go south
The Queen...

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The priest who wants to rest
went fishing with his dear cousin Nora
A very nice lady, ginger and intrepid.
Today she adopted a Turkish Angora

The priest who wants to rest
took a shower early which he enjoyed
The water he truly liked, it was tepid;
and he sang an ode...

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Chorus:
             Barack Obama
             Barack Obama
             He's the U.S.A.'s own...

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01001101 01111001  01010110 01010010

yeah ...
they hijacked my mind, man -
hard-wired my neural synapses
said I'd be famous ...
(wealthy, certainly)
With MY financial issues
what choice, really?
Family no longer cares -
they gave up on me ages ago
(who can blame?)
so here I am … pfffffft!!

the sci-geeks wanted to see...

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On a silver moonlit pillow’s blissful patch I dreamt nirvana 
verses for my sister Jay and our magic mutual bond,  that
gem-enhanced treasure chest, that life support as ironclad rampart 
for our twin psyche sparkle, an infinite reciprocal alignment 
 boldly mocking distance on earth
This...

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Sitting here exhausted. Exhausted and drained. 
Exhausted and drained and beat.
I battled and dueled with insomnia all night,
And now I can touch defeat.

I parried with anxiety. I danced with turmoil. 
My mind was up for the fight.
Wrestling and rolling like a jittering wreck, 
My head...

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Shall I relay a sidesplitting hoot from my “care-free” on campus fun phase?
It entails a laboratory session involving three mystic world colossal oafs.
 One had an unerring penchant for Laurel and Hardy mishaps, the other this beautiful dreamer whose attention span rambled for miles.
a meandering...

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The House I Fear Most Lives Within My Shoe,
Contains recordings of my utmost gaffes,
The other, mocks!  (Thank God that there are Two!)

Within the front room (where Critics, cuds chew)
Are played the scenes where everybody LAUGHS!
The House I Fear Most Lives Within My Shoe.

And next...

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Windhoek, 2000

Nabucodonosor! thou shouldst be living at this epoch:
Namibia hath desire of thee: she is a quagmire
Of quiet rainwaters: slab, blade, and cage,
Inglenook, the courageous fortune of manor and retreat,
Have sacrificed their primeval culture talent.

But those who came before us will teach us. 
They will...

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Thou’re closed to lagoon; nay any fathom,
Mock with my vile scream and move on.
Myself is only sticking  here on my own,
Don’t shed tears when this love is gone.

Trees forgo leaves for winter,
Betraying is a kind of disease for trees.
A **** and the green of...

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