Best Funnylove Poems
I love the way you turn me on
When we sit on our sofa on the lawn
Your breakfast is the greatest dear
Scrambled eggs and a case of beer
I listen to each breath you take
Your snoring always keeps me awake
Remember walking up the hill
To get some moonshine from the still
A romantic dinner would be so fine
Two Big Macs and a glass of shine
You scratch your butt and wash my clothes
You watch TV and pick your nose
I'll love you forever to tell the truth
And when you smile, I love your tooth.
I’d love to be a model
Tall and thin like Jerry Hall
But I like fish and chips too much
And I’m only five feet tall
I’d love to be a dancer
With poise, and style, and grace
But I was born with two left feet
And would end up flat on my face
I’d love to be a climber
Scaling mountains in one single bound
But I get dizzy in high heels
So I’d best keep my feet on the ground
I’d love to be an athlete
With medals of gold on my chest
But it takes all my breath, to run a bath
So relaxing at home is best
I’d love to be a painter
And have works of art hanged in great halls,
But the only paint that I can use
Is emulsion you slop onto walls
I’d love to be an actress
Starring on the silver screen
But with my memory, I’d forget the script
“What was I saying?” – see what I mean
I’d love to be an explorer
Through untamed jungles I’d caper
But I love the luxuries of life
Like hot baths, and toilet paper!
I’d love to be a poet
And write my own anthology
But that’s just another pipe dream
So I’ll have to be, just me.
When I grow old
My body not yet cold
But the brown of my eyes
Turns to gray
I will wear a large hat
When I patrol through
My garden and keep the
Weeds at bay
I’ll have big pots of this
And of course lots of that
On the stove for when
Company drops in
The food will comfort
The gossip will start
And more time with me they will spend
I won’t have cats
Because ewww they are cats
But be careful to step over the dogs
Their stomachs so full
I’m sure they won’t move
They’ll be passed out
And sleeping like logs
I’ll pretend I can’t hear
And my whispers will be loud
So loud to be heard throughout the room
Then I’ll whisper about people
The arrogant sort
And the ones I believe are bafoons
All the kids will love me
Because of what I keep hidden
To my bedroom they will often stray
Lemon drops and butterscotch will always be there
Hidden quite snuggly away
Oh let me be known as the lady of prayer
And the one that loves her Lord so
A relationship that started moons ago
And turned into
An eternal love affair
I’ll putter and piddle with things I find useful
I may learn to knit if I please
I’ll knit a blue scarf the bluest of blues
So on my motorcycle it will fly in the
b e z
r e ~
e ~ ~
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I sent my love a red heart,
Declaring my love so true.
His angry wife returned it.
"Hands off!! He is mine".
For contest 3 way tie for no. 1 won.
swoosh, whoosh, bash, crash, buzz wuzz he's gushy
mush... pop, pop, pop, "I love you!"-- pop, pop, pop,
"I love you too!"
Form:
The earth knows your business child;
there's nothing anonymous ...
about alcohol.
Them drunks like to show off ...
yes, they like to show their strength.
They beat women like bongo drums.
Them gal down at the factories,
they love a man on cannabis;
a mellow man -
in a constant mellow mood,
always hungry for good food
and a good cook.
Their pencils are always sharpened,
ready to write -
in rain, sun, or sleet;
Not so with them funky drunks,
theirs are more eraser and less lead.
they'll erase even wet dreams,
their pencils are nothing but dead,
carcasses for the crows.
Write love on puffs of cannabis clouds
just like Nesta Marley did.
How bloody is Mary
after glasses of your spirit poured out?
love is forever yours Mary Jane,
my darling and consort.
A finger will never hurt thee.
CHASTUSHKA – two
Hopak is a Russian dance
But it is too fast for me
No! I prefer the six-pack
And a damsel on my knee
Please dear Lulu marry me
I am your slave on my knees
I love you so want to shout
Not for love but for the gout
Why would someone fall in love with a stump
I submit that there may be such a chump
It seems so very bizarre
But I suppose that there are
Some blokes as gullible as Forrest Gump
© Entry for Matt Caliri's "I Fell In Love With A Tree Stump" Contest
I saw a gorgeous girl today
and I have to make her see,
that when she knows me better
she will fall in love with me.
So plucking up my courage
I asked her for a date,
amazingly she said yes
and I knew it must be fate.
We arranged to meet at a restaurant
round about half past eight,
I watched her go inside
so I knew I wasn't late.
I sat down at the table
and said, "I love you dear,"
then heard a voice behind me
saying, "hey, I'm over here."
So I hurried to her table
I was feeling such a fool,
she just sat there calmly
and was looking very cool.
She said "I must tell you a secret
try to understand if you can,
I never meant to deceive you
but really I'm a man."
BROKEN WINGS
I spread my wings
And feather
But I couldn't fly.
I open my ears
And heart
Yet I couldn't hear.
I open my mouth
And lips
But I couldn't talk.
I close my eyes
Alongside thine sunglasses
Yet I see.
I see my past
And fears
I take to the wood.
My obstacles,
Experiences I espy
I take my leave and the halt.
I'm eager to fly
Yet, my wings are broken.
I love my life,
I really do,
I love my husband,
And(just found out), so do you!
So what do we do,
What do we do,
I'll split him in half,
That's what I'll do !
Ha!
~Haiku~
your love flew away
like a migrating bird
and never came back...
~Limerick~
Your lack of love pushed me to the floor
I couldn’t take it anymore
I signed on the dotted line
You were no longer mine
Why don’t you just hit the door?
~Couplet~
We entered into a partnership
Six months down the line you decided to jump ship
7th place
Contest: Divorse Club
Sponsor: PD
© November 2010
I don’t have a favourite,
I love them all
Shorty and sporty
Petite and tall
Dowdy and flashy
High and mighty
Shy and vivacious
Safe and flighty
I love Juicy Lucy
Smelly Kelly,
Scraggy Maggie
And Silly Millie
I love Gay Mei
And Straight Kate
Spotty Dotty
And Plain Jane’s great
So is Jolly Molly
Clingy thingy
Obese Louise
And Skinny Ginny
I love Boozey Suzie
Sweaty Betty and all
I love them long,
I love them short, I love them tall
Form:
'Tis said that God loves all His creatures great and small.
Here are just a few of them - I can't begin to name them all!
He loves us one and all the whole world wide from A to Z!
His steadfast love is extended to all including a sinner like me!
God loves atheists, alcoholics, bootleggers, bums and Baptists -
Bailiffs, Catholics, conservatives, coopers and capitalists -
Doctors, dentists, democrats, extortionists and Eskimos -
Farmers, fishermen, golfers, generals and hypochondros!
He loves harlots, hypocrites, infidels, judges and jackasses -
Kings, kooks, lawyers, Lutherans, liberals and lasses -
Marines, Methodists, nerds, nurses, oracles and optometrists -
Presbyterians, politicians, poets, pilots and proctologists!
God loves Quakers, quacks, riveters, radicals and ragmen -
Republicans, rednecks, ranchers, reporters and raftsmen -
Sailors, Santa, scholars, scientists, sinners and scouts -
Thieves, tithers, teachers, taxmen, tradesmen and touts!
He loves unbelievers, veterans, villains and ventriloquists -
Widows, xenophobes, Yankees, yuppies and zoologists!
With so many folks to cherish, oft I wonder how it could be,
That He takes the time to love poor insignificant me!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
I love the way you snuggle up to me
And wait for me while I make tea
I like the way you get excited when I give you toast
Because I love you the most
I like how you twirl
And how your hair curls
I like how we fight together
And I know we'll be friends forever
Because dogs are like that you know?