Best Freshener Poems
Merry Impeachness
Justice delayed however symbolic
the orangutan finally won his award
for corruption and dereliction of duties
the constitution used to apply to all
IMPEACH
the orange leach
Lucifer has more morality
Peeing hookers to that will clarify
Concentration camps built
doctors denied free treatment of children
separated from mothers
Anne frank turns over in her grave
Title of Nobility
emoluments and fraud
foreign powers now own
the ivory tower
His followers
mow over Mexicans
ah but that's not hate
ignorance owns no book
Goebbels wrote fine prose
propaganda of the rose
sweet words hide not the smell
of bigots in their swamp of animosity
Defending the lady of liberty
is a kindness
defending the abused and weak
is a kindness
Hate wrapped in air freshener
an old German trick
calling men of justice, haters
most have seen this movie flick
Motionless
It looked such a sorry sight
Standing in the shed
Covered in rust and dust
With just a trace of red
A vibrant red with a flash of black
Across the outside door
No sign of this embellishment
As the car sinks into the floor of the shed
A car that has lost its glory
Stands motionless and dead
This old car was my pride and joy
Many moons ago
It's going to be a wrench
To see this vehicle go
Even though the seats are worn
As are the tyres, gears and brakes
When the engine is turned on
A dreadful noise it makes
Smoke billows everywhere
The muffler has snuffed it
Mice have made their home in there
Which they must soon all exit
Broken windscreen, windows scratched
Doors all buckled and dented
Tattered stickers on the car
Air freshener that once was scented
I suppose it's true or so it's said
Everything has its day
This was my thinking
As the car was towed away
To the wreckers. a graveyard for most
One wonders if those worn-out cars
Become angels or ghosts
My nutty week stays long in my memory
My brain didn't process like it would normally
But just to be sure I now lay of the pink gin
I will share you my tale and shall now begin.
Paracetamol had been placed inside the freezer
Then found in the bread bin, the daily newspaper
My mouthwash was used as a face cleanser
Then sprayed underarms with the air freshener.
When cooking dinner I put no water in pans
Smoke and burnt offerings, so opened a soup can
Two hours of slow sewing, repairing some things
Only to discover I'd missed both sides of the seams.
Made tea instead of coffee, an easy mistake
But my feather head told me it's chocolate milk shake
Lucky that time the tea had cooled down
But annoyed with myself and felt a right clown.
Was I losing my marbles? why all the muddles?
That week I seemed in a right fuddy duddle
But the last straw came when I went to bed
I had slept on the floor of the garden shed.
The second stanza is true, I have done all that
The rest is made up for bit of spoof slap
But wanted a poem for the nutty contest
This I made up from my nutty mind set.
"N" Contest, New or Old Poetry Contest
Sponsor Constance La France
Written 20.09.21
Plagued by incandescent ferments I grapple zealously,
with tower blocks of titan topsoil myriads,
and melange of eccentric foibles,
considered by some to be a minus,
but without this composite what is my real nature?
reflection on a manifest mettlesome being,
leaden skewed traffic jam’s tailback of relative prospect,
normalcy a supernatural synonym,
apperception fringed by lambent twinkling,
that tantalising twirl of clustered countless spirits,
quirk-some inklings seem a weakness,
whilst chasing galaxy of plus point,
self-ostracised by atypical apparently conflicting plethora,
grave as in shadow id, tombstone stark exit but salutary motto,
etched eerily by one staunch depiction,
on catalytic other form of self,
unresolved human traits in multiples,
indicative of lack, lack of bearing?
me that nutrient rich plot that has,
this wondrous green blade potential compass,
me as sumptuous summer gust freshener,
of inner coastal home philosopher’s dwelling,
me an endless random version,
of charcoal midnight gleeful ghost,
blithely skimming chimney tops on deep quest,
yet nascent dawn usher lurks within,
augurs well for that sound ultimate coexistence,
despite an underbelly of niggling doubt
Hopefully I’m kind
at heart but rare traits might just
scupper thoughtful aim
Our Day Out
Our day out to Wales in the Summer of 1981
In car temperature soars that alike to Lebanon,
Not like the previous year of 1980
When temperatures where more akin to Haiti.
Mark one Cortina of a family friend
Seven of us packed in till journeys end.
Car fumes dilute with stale tree air freshener,
Musky heat smell windows barely ajar
Stomach turns, nausea kicks in
Travel sickness arrives
Pull over the car!
Our Welsh arrival is welcomed by rain
Without this a trip here would never be the same
Ridiculous wellies at the ready and embarassing kagool
Not much different from a day out with school!
Countless gift shops adorn the cobbled streets
Each one identical to the last
Welsh towels, traditional dolls and kiss me quick hats.
These cobbled streets stem the flow of insessent driving rain
Forecast of sun will speed up its refrain,
The break up of clouds and retreat of welsh dragon brollies
Cuts to a sweltering waterfront and melting ice lollies.
Old people hog seafront benches
Cool bags of sandwiches
Some ham some cheese
Cold flasks of teas
Making mockery of the seafront heat
Tartan blankets on knees!
Jingle jangle of keys stating Cymru
Signalling the end of our day out and seaview
Its back to the car and our cramped journey home,
Bank holiday traffic roadworks and cones.
In years to come i would appreciate this place
Beauty on our doorstep Escape from big city pace
Castles of interest, Proud national heritage
More fascinating with age
Its even the place i was to become engaged!
So thanks to my parents for those painful days out
Thankyou to Wales for showing me what you are about
Days out and camping
Coastlines for miles
You have brought me much joy
Rain hail or shine
Copyright
S Rose
Sometimes I fart like an AK-47
People run for cover in fear
With panic on their distorted faces
They can tell my end is near
Not from a fear of death they run
It's the indescribable odour
Something must have died in there
Smells like a backend loader
No need to fret no need to worry
An air freshener should do the trick
If that doesn't work maybe try
Burning some incense sticks
Bottom line is, it's all about bottoms
And mine's the one in question
The AK-47 thing is meant to alleviate
Unwanted traffic congestion!
© Jack Ellison 2012
“Get lost, I don’t care,” snarled the young wolf disingenuously
The naïve stripling wanted little more than acclaim
With no knowledge of why it continued--
The
slow
pulsing
of his
ruby
vitality
into the
wounds of others
Which he mistook for his own
One day kind fate bestowed a gift like none else:
A life full to overflowing
With loving family and meaningful work
There was not one single extra quantum of energy
Work all day, family all evening, sometimes work all night
It all suffered from itself in a lovely, mediocre sort of way
But mostly it clarified
An argument, a stressful day, a worry had a price:
Family time, sleep, energy always the losers
Zero sum, one in, one out, unavoidable
The luxury of care was
dead.
So when rumors flew pell-mell, as they do
Like the Wicked Witch’s monkeys
I let them, not pyrrhically hunting them
To their nattering source
And out went the sheep in sheepdogs’ clothing,
Tissue paper acquaintances by the dozens,
Card house construct of popularity
and most of all, irrelevant obligations
If you care so little as to be swayed by the winds of rumor
Then that’s how much investment I have in you.
Bye.
I’m ironclad when impeccably intact in my integrity
Vulnerable only when I drop below my own equator
To the muck-slinging hyenas that beset us all
For when I am true to me, any harsh judgment of me
Reflects only on the one doing the judging,
as I am FREE
This is not to say that I own no bathroom freshener
--To keep the boat afloat, one must diligently look for leaks--
But the double-edged steel of the naked truth
Is the
only defense
And the best nutrient for the garden within
For then and only then am I right with myself and God,
And free as can be expected
from the cares of this world
6/9/16
© By Author
For Contest: Rise above it
Sponsor: Becca Teagan
.
...Actually polish with a furniture polish...
Not use it as an air freshener.
...Notice the surrounding wildlife...
Pick any room of your house.
...Finally do laundry...
And separate the colors.
...Strike up a conversation...
With that wrong number.
...Assign page numbers...
To the Internet.
...Watch a special on Hawking theories...
Then call the BBC to argue a point.
...Write a nonsensical toss-off...
Next day, it still makes sense.
You're absolutely Human...
.
prose and poem
Sitting quietly on a rock along my neighbor's forest trail, I studied countless creatures darting about. Were they aware of my presence? I listened to primitive sounds, clear messages I did not understand. What interdependence among plants and animals, I marveled at purpose evident but unseen. I sniffed the woodsy perfume of some wildflower and walking on down the path breathed the pine needles which strangely reminded me of air-freshener. As I returned to my home, I crossed the creek clogged with trash, a rusting tricycle, bottles, cardboard boxes ... slowing the flow of water, damming the natural course of the stream. My eyes greeted the comforts of home although the rows of houses blocked the view of the skyline and of course, trees were all but gone. Glad for the relief of a clean, private bathroom but inspired by nature, I went back and cleared the creek.
Sitting all alone in the woods,
pondering who God is?
Evidence of splendor confirms
all Creation is His.
Winding my way back to shelter
earth's praise quickly ended.
Man's disregard plainly in view -
heav'n is far more splendid.
commercials for cellphones
commercials for lipsticks
commercials for fragrance
commercial for a gas company
commercial for a golf club
for a car
for shoes
commercial for a cellphone
commercials for painkillers
commercails for a gun
commercial for the lottery
commercials about my happiness
commercials about my life
about my family, your family
what they are wearing
commercial for cuts of meat
commercial for the bread around it
commercial about the future
revolutionize
easy-to-use
quick drying
low down payment
sexy
smart
smart
smart and stylish
stylish and sporty
sporty and sleek
commercial for a cellphone
commercials tell you what's new
commercials about commercials
driving is the new walking
sex is the new talking
eating is the new driving
is the new italian suit
is the new fixed mortgage rate
is the new dual-action cleansing
commercials are the new
all-natural cure
all inclusive round trip
commercials for the middle class
chocolate covered
you deserve this
do yourself this favour
you are a hero you are a saint
a martyr and a legend
commercials know the real you
commercials for god
what cellphone did god buy
what air-freshener
virgin commercials
whore commercials
punch you in the face commercials
scream myself hoarse commercials
commercial fuzz on a screen
commercial memories in my head commercials
go outside for a walk and look
up at a billboard commercials
my house commercials
my shirt and milk
and wife and dog
my speech my smell
my dead grandfather
my unborn daughter
swallow the new commercial
around the corner
colourful utopian euphoric
perfect essential
tennis shoe I would die for
commercials with two legs and a sense of irony
money cancer
money tumour in my
camera-friendly soul
I need it
contagious all-new commercials
jump on the bandwagon
take the ride
commercial me purple
multipurpose horses!!t into diamonds.
Easy Elimination of Stupid People Part Three
By Elton Camp
Warnings show how stupid folks can be
As promised, here you have part three
Hershey’s Almond Bar wants you to face:
“Warning, of nuts this may have a trace”
A can of air freshener does tell:
“For use only by trained personnel”
A rat poison is trying to be nice:
“Has caused cancer in lab mice”
In case it is bought by dumb lug:
“Don’t use Silly Putty as ear plug”
Found on a can of deodorant spray:
“Do not use intimately,” it does say
On cough medicine for a kid:
“Don’t drive a car,” it does bid
Found on a package of dice:
“Human consumption isn’t nice”
On a shipment of hammers hollowed:
“May be harmful if swallowed”
On a gun barrel so there’s no excuse:
“Injury or death may come from misuse”
A thermometer makes it exceedingly clear:
After rectal use, to mouth don’t come near”
Fruit Roll-Up warning can’t be beat:
“Remove the plastic before you eat”
On a toilet brush this is seen:
“Do not use for personal hygiene”
Although paraphrased just a bit
Producers, these warnings see fit
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
And I bet it stunk to high heavens!
And if she really lived in that thing
The size was bigger than elevens
There's nothing worse than a stinky foot
Well, I mean, unless there are two
What in the world is wrong with this woman
Who chooses to live in a shoe?
Has she never heard of athlete's foot?
I'll bet her walls are stretched by bunyons
Her "Ode de la Feet" air freshener
Has to smell worse than onions
Did she buy this house or lease it?
I'll bet there are strings attached
And if that shoe has scuff marks
Does that mean that her siding is scratched?
And God forbid, if there's a fungus
Would that be similar to mold?
And if she has a hole in the sole
She'd feel a draft when it's cold
I guess, I've said enough about this
And now, I really need to scoot
Maybe, she'll move up to a condo
And buy herself a boot
I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner....cause then I'd be in somebody's buns.
"I shall return!" I said to my last wife, last time I saw her in 1989. McArthur I isn't!
Why are women so much smarter than men? Probably cause they have brains.
I never realized just how stupid I was until I went to the eye doctor's. See "A bad
day at the eye doctor's" poem.
My eye doctor seemed to catch on real quick as to how stupid I was.
I hate to say it, but I think Rodney Dangerfield would make a better president.
Excuse me, but what year is this?
Did you ever wake up and realize the best part of your day was over?
I have a picture of me, when younger, flying in the air,in my karate days, kicking
butt. Now I need help just to pick up the picture.
How did I earn the nickname "Skuzz-Bucket"- I don't even own a bucket!
I guess the best thing about getting old is you got less time to suffer.
Wives- I need a chain letter. Alimony? Can't squeeze an orange that's already
orange juice. Excuse while I take the pits out of my hair.
And to my fans, I say thanks- wish I could afford an air conditioner though.
My "friends" gave me a room aerosol air freshener. Seems the main ingredient
was Zyklon-B.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Have a" happy"! What a crock!
My doctor said he'd pay me not to come anymore.
He wanted me to join the "Euthanasia Club"
I didn't pass the test, however- they said I was brain dead too long.
Even the Girl Scouts mock me- they ask me for cookies!
I once had a girlfriend named "Cookie" She was cute, but her butt was chaffed
from bed-hopping.
Ever try to nail a girl while she's hopping on the bed?
Well goodbye my friends- see ya'll real soon...(Genuine White Trailer Trash
Lingo)!!
Good sense of humour :
I always admire.
Good Humour is perfect mind - freshener
with exact effect on Good Listener.
Displaying good humour at right moment
or an intellectual comment,
never to lament ,
but turns gracious,
glorious , gorgeous
to entertain ,
simultaneous has great effect
to soothe pain.
Blades of reality have sharp notions
to cut impulsive emotions.
Precise humour to deliver
acts as right pain - remover..
Good humour to express
any time, more or less
in compassionate style
will manifest exact profile
of the human being
to help in real healing.
Good Humour is perfect mind -freshener
with exact effect on Good Listener.
Small uncomfortable chairs,
Big ugly rugs.
"Hello how can I help you"'s flying around the room.
The click clack of the keyboard.
Month old magazines,
The occasional little kid screaming at their mother.
The smell of air freshener way too strong.
The "click click" of someone walking about.
The annoying music in the background.
Nervous looks from others seated around.
The ding, when someone walks through the door.
The person that jump's at every ding.
That annoying arguing customer.
The music coming from your neighbors too loud ipod.
The teens constantly texting.
The one end of a conversation from the woman on her cell phone.
The mass headache.
All in that cramped little waiting room.