Best Elvish Poems
tiny lanterns-
burning bright
in darkest watches
of the night
like elvish sprites-
come beckoning
although never-
truly reckoning
of children filled-
with summer rapture
intent upon-
a quest to capture
venting to-
the purpling skies
their excited-
and delighted cries
of fireflies!!,fireflies!!!
They flow out of a pocket of sky,
a door in the air no one saw
until dark wings shower
over our heads.
Their plumage has a metallic sheen,
as if they were made in parts,
in some elvish workshop, their wings
hammered on last.
Wings that talk to other wings,
for no starling is a starling alone;
it is ten thousand starling clones
welded into flocks of feathers.
They descend where they please.
a road, a lawn, a parking lot,
they descend, and where they land
that is their land, their acre of lordship.
See them strut like dinosaurs,
eyes as black as an eclipse.
See them stab the light, push it away
until all that litters the ground
is prey.
Owl, eagle and hawk fear to
draw near, for the flock is here,
and it will leave when it wants to.
We avoid the pecking mob,
hurry by, look away,
as another swarm of avian androids
stakes its claim upon the earth.
Melamin
Arwenamin
Amin naa lle nai
Amin naa tualle
Mela en coiamin
Vanimle sila tiri
Tenna tulre
Quel kaima
Amin mela lle
My love,
My lady.
I am yours to command,
I am your servant.
Love of my life,
Your beauty shines bright.
Until tomorrow,
Sleep well,
I love you.
I wear a white buttoned shirt
And my friends call me four eyes
But I don't care, just slowly walk away
And give 'em my gang sign
Don't bother with my appearance
Cause I'm the king of the chess team
Most guys got brawns, when it comes to logic
I can win before you take a seat
And I'm a four-eyed charmer
But a real straight A lover
What girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
I'll give this life a mighty heave
Confidence you wouldn't believe
Whet girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe
Some gits got British accents
To impress any American gal
I speak elvish and clenon
They got their mansion royale
Some guys eat snails a la mode
And only settle for the finest wine
I can foresee myself in Paris
Throwing tomatoes at the mimes
A true heart you'll discover
Under this four-eyed charmer
What girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
And I'm taking a leap of faith
That could either destroy or save
What girl wouldn't wanna fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe
Now I finally got someone
A lovely gal to cheer me on
When I play videogames
All night to the crack of dawn
Now I finally got someone
Who loves to rub when
I get a burning lobster tan
On my mayonnaise skin
Now I finally got someone
Who thinks my wandering eye
Is actually kinds cute
At least now I'm not so shy
I am the geek with four eyes
A noble prince in disguise
With a girl who courageously fell for me
As the titanic sinks I'll be your Lenny
And I bet it all on a whim
Now I'm the one with everything
With a girl who courageously fell for me
Her smile augmented when I stood on one knee
NOTE: So I feel ridiculously silly now, but I already posted this one a long time ago... must have slipped my mind... oh well :/
Pixies riding butterflies
corral a bunny rabbit.
And over the centuries,
they have gotten good at it.
Fairies weave a straw basket
that they fill with colored eggs.
Yet, they can't get the bunny
to stand on its two hind legs.
That will require the finesse
of a young elvish Queen's touch.
For, after sprouting her wings,
her powers increase that much.
She grinds some unicorn horn
with the nectar of flowers.
And gives the Easter Bunny
special magical powers.
And with a kiss of her lips,
Mister Cottontail's transformed.
And stands on two legs as soon
as the ritual's performed.
Each Easter, colored eggs are
deliberately hidden.
And reality's paused; then
discreetly overridden.
I wear a white buttoned shirt
And my friends call me four eyes
But I don't care, just slowly walk away
And give 'em my gang sign
Don't bother with my appearance
Cause I'm the king of the chess team
Most guys got brons, when it comes to logic
I can win before you take a seat
And I'm a four-eyed charmer
But a real straight A lover
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
I'll give this life a mighty heave
Confidence you wouldn't believe
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe
Some guys got British accents
To impress any American gal
I speak elvish and clenon
They got their mansion royale
Some guys eat snails a la mode
And only settle for the finest wine
I can foresee myself in Paris
Throwing tomatoes at the mimes
A true heart you'll discover
Under this four-eyed charmer
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Hold my bag on the boat when I'm sick at sea
And I'm taking a leap of faith
That could either destroy or save
What girl wouldn't want to fall all over me
Give me oxygen when I forget to breathe
Now I finally got someone
A lovely gal to cheer me on
When I play videogames
All night to the crack of dawn
Now I finally got someone
Who loves to rub aloe when
I get a burning lobster tan
On my mayonnaise skin
Now I finally got someone
That thinks my wondering eye
Is actually kinda cute
At least now I'm not so shy
I am the geek with four eyes
A noble prince in disguise
With a girl who courageously fell for me
As the Titanic sinks I'll be your Lenny
And I bet it all on a whim
Now I'm the one with everything
With a girl who courageously fell for me
Her smile augmented, when I stood on one knee
A CHRISTMAS ARRAIGNMENT
Late one December evening
A sound woke me from my bed,
I grabbed a baseball bat for safety
And crept downstairs full of dread.
I must admit I was not fit
For foiling midnight burglaries.
My cousin had kept pouring eggnog,
I kept on saying, “Yes, please.”
I slunk down the stairs, bat in hand,
Jumping at yet another sound.
But never in my wildest dreams
Did I realize what I had found.
Someone was in my living room!
I could hear them moving around.
So I jumped into the darkened room
And bonked him upon his crown!
He fell face first upon my rug
As you maybe have suspected,
But when I turned on the table lamp
What I saw was quite unexpected.
Santa Claus himself lay unconscious,
My heart filled with a child’s worst fear.
I had gone ahead and clobbered
The source of all Christmas Cheer!
I had to hide the evidence
Or suffer a Christmas curse!
I could not guess how my holidays
Could possibly get any worse.
I dragged that fat elf out into the snow
And began to dig a hole.
I hoped to hide the evidence
Lest I be doomed to a lifetime of coal.
But then he awoke, and began to yell
And my neighbors began prying
To spy the source of all the noise,
The screaming, yelling and crying.
The cops showed up, and saved St. Nick
Before hauling me off to the station.
They said they hoped the judge threw the book
Like I was some inhuman abomination.
Not long after I stood up in court
While the victim showed his bruises.
I tried to tell of eggnog-induced haze
But the judge was hearing no excuses.
I hung my head in utmost shame
While the verdict was entered and read.
I got twenty long years in a state prison cell
For cold-cocking the man in red.
Then Santa’s elvish lawyers worked,
And a fireplace was magically erected,
Santa winked and vanished with a finger on his nose
Although not the one I expected.
Now when Christmas time rolls around this year
And you all have fun with your celebrations,
I sit in my gray ten-by-ten room
Fulfilling my legal obligations.
So take my advice this holiday season
As you fire up the traditional Yule log,
If your cousin is anything at all like mine
Say “No thanks” to a sixth eggnog.
Lo, ty mirthels cascahl ahvan soundrus
Tinkling, drancig, veyless othel clef en blish
Glimmish mare de propotel te groundus
Toosh da ligty mith ah gentish kish
I haven't been writing as much lately as I'm working toward finishing my degree. I apologise for that but I promise good things to come!
This one is for a good friend and co worker, Ben W. He's not a soppy poetry kinda guy, but he enjoys his pipe as much as I do. If you get this reference, you gain bonus points!
--
Perched on a log; Old Toby sat;
His furry feet, bare on his mat.
He draws on his pipe; hot it glows;
And blows smoke in such small O's.
Silver whisps do take the night air,
From a heated bowl; one to share.
The scent of pipeweed; hints of spice;
Burns through the stem, and soothes like ice.
The heavy taste sleeps on his tongue;
Teasing his heart; filling his lung.
His head wanders to lands afar;
The Elvish girl beneath her stars.
He sips on his stem but twice more,
Then tips the embers to the floor.
Back in nineteen ninety-two
At the Piketown Library
I would haunt the upper stacks
And linger patiently
Soon the sun would set
I'd see her silhouette
This is how I came to know
Desire unmet
I'd watch her elvish fingers curl
'round the binding of some book
As she glided through the shelves
She'd dispatch a dev'lish look
Such a playful ruse
To intrigue and confuse
This is how I came to know
My library muse
Now the sun has set
We have never met
This is how I came to know
The sting of regret
September 10, 2017
Winter covers all the earth
And blows both cold and strong.
But amid the group of four of us
It’s springtime all along.
Hand in hand we walked the roads
That wither we may tramp.
And in the night of deep starlight
Laid down our loads to camp.
Four elvish friends that hard and fast
To each adventure binds.
And find that we had always been
True friends throughout all time.
Together we’ve run sunlit hills
Of that called Wilderland,
And fought the dragons of the North
And all the foes of Man.
We knew one day the time would come,
As we stand to greet the dawn,
That I and every one of us
Must sing his lonely song.
Who knows if when we’ll meet again
As we go our separate ways;
And lo, here come the coaches now
To take us each away.
In Middle-earth people
Sing Elvis songs
All day
Oops, I mean Elvish
DO YOU NEED A DRESS FOR A HALLOWEEN STROLL?
I MEAN THE PERFECT ONE TO MAKE YOU ROLL?
THEN HEAR ME OUT AND FOLLOW NOT THE WIND:
AND TRULY YOU SHALL ENJOY THE HALLOWEEN.
A MOUTH WITH PROTRUDING INCISORS,
SHARP AND FEROCIOUS AS A BABY SCISSORS:
AND A BLEEDING MOUTH TO CHARM ALL THE VAMPIRES
WILL MAKE YOU THE PERFECT ATTIRE.
A FACE SO GREEN AND EYES BLOOD SHOT AS IN THE MOVIES
WITH AN OVERGROWN HAIR DYED WHITE,GIVES THE FEAR DISEASE.
LIKE GANDALF'S,SO BE YOURS AND YOU ARE IN.
FOR THIS IS A PERFECT HALLOWEEN.
A HEAD WITH PROTRUDING HORNS,
CONJUGATED WITH ELVISH EARS WITH THORNS,
GIVES A PERFECT HALLOWEEN IMPRESSION.
BUT DON'T FORGET A BLACK OVERCOAT.IT IS NO DIGRESSION.
RUN TO THE MARKET AND ASK FOR THE DEVIL'S PERFUME
AND BE BACK BEFORE THE HALLOWEEN TUNE.
YOU ARE ALMOST IN FOR THE MARCH
BECAUSE MANY VAMPIRES SHALL WATCH YOU PASS.
..THEN YOUR HALLOWEEN DRESS IS COMPLETE IF
YOUR MOUTH BLEEDS THE TRUEST BLOOD
THAT WILL MAKE THE VAMPIRES PROUD.
LOOK IN TO THE MIRROR AND ENJOY THE SIGHT.
THUS YOUR HALLOWEEN DRESS IS COMPLETE.
BUT DO NOT FORGET:
IF YOU SLEEP IN YOUR HALLOWEEN DRESS,
YOU WILL MEET THE DEVIL AS I DID.
It’s true, the afternoon is young;
I’ll make a bet:
Before the sun has set,
Strawberries will have sprung
From underneath your tongue.
Delectable, yes, tres delish
You won’t forget:
Exceeded, not just met,
Beyond your wildest wish,
A creamy berry dish.
The finest, richest creams -
The forest elves
Again outdid themselves:
Confectionary dreams
From unicorns, it seems.
In fields of magic dust,
Wild-grown berries
Picked by woodland fairies:
A culinary must,
A name the elvish trust.
Sweet crystals, careful mined
Where dragons roar,
Demanding always more.
By serpent’s fire refined,
Then stolen from them blind.
Stirred over elvish flame,
The paddles turned
By giant ogres, learned
Before before the dark lord came
and sullied their great name.
Quick-flashed in icy streams,
Both fluff and stiff,
A jazzy berry riff,
With old world notes it teems,
A tastebud’s wettest dreams.
Alas, we must regroup!
Supply chain blues,
There is no time to lose:
Store-bought, pink berry goop -
Perhaps a double scoop?
—————
for the Ice Cream Poetry Contest
sponsored by Julia Ward
written 06/21/2022
To promote my new Christmas short story!
now i've gone and done it,
I've written a story
You can come along and listen,
Just like jackanory
its down in the cellar
right under the vaults
with typos galore
that's one of my faults
its a rollicking tale
of a Christmassy bloke
of reindeer and elves
and north polian folk
its not for the squeamish
cos things are not well
up there above lapland
where the elvish do dwell
will Christmas be doomed
by Machiavellian ****
there's one way to find out
Come along to "Chrexit"!