Best Doozy Poems
Twas the night before Christmas and all were in need
as we waited for Santa who had promised us Weed.
Our parents were sleeping with not a clue in their heads
that their children were Stoners and away from their beds.
The cheetos had been placed on the table with care
with an idea dear Santa soon would be there.
The winter was cold with no time for a snack
hoping Kris Kringle would come with fresh Pot from his sack.
I had been to the Bank and had obtained hordes of cash
with a fervent desire St. Nick would bring the best of his Stash.
We had our concerns for a reasonable fellow
who was honest and straight... no harshing our mellow.
The time had been set as I looked at the clock
knowing the waiting was tense and we needed our Pot.
And then from the porch a strange sound did we hear
but it was only friend Jim who had gone for some beer.
I stared out the window and peered through the snow
and we were greatly concerned whether Santa would show.
And then from the street... what did I observe?
A '72 ford Pinto... which was stuck on the curb.
The engine was smoking and the tires were flat
and with the windows quite frosted... I reached for my bat.
This didn't look good as I gave way to doubt.
Wondering who was the driver and who would come out?
And who should come forth? But Santa himself
who was all bearded and fat, a jolly old Elf.
He climbed to our rooftop... was nimble and quick
thus avoiding the doorbell... this fella was slick.
He was now in the chimney and this lightened our hearts
and we knew he was close when we heard the Elf fart.
And then in an instant the Big Guy appeared
but asking double the price for which we had feared.
We told him our troubles as he pondered our point,
he then lowered the price on every third Joint.
The payment was made and the dope was obtained
and up the chimney he rose unconcerned for the flame.
I'll remember that night... for it was a doozy
when Santa came through... and brought me a Doobie.
As he drove out of sight... I heard him calling my name...
Merry Christmas to all and goodnight Mary Jane.
The End
*For those who are interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.
Categories:
doozy, funny, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Susie's pet name was Wanda-zilla
and hailed from jungles near Manila.
Her poetry was swill
so to pay all her bills
she did strip shows for native gorillas.
She went to merry old U.K.
To make more money stripping all day.
When folks voted for Brexit
they meant Susie must exit
to get rid of the smell right away.
BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Susie looked like an ugly gorilla
A cousin of that monster Godzilla
With flaccid pink lips
And wobbly fat hips
She appeared on the video ‘Thriller’
The director who chose her that day
Said Don’t put on your make up today” …
With no mask on your face
You won’t look out of place
And your dance moves will blow folks away”
Susie then thought she’d found the answer
She’d work as a naked pole dancer
But not one man would pay
They said please go away …
Put your clothes back on you fat chancer!
BY JAN ALLISON
Wanda-zilla is a great name for ugly, Susie
Always batting her eyes like a low-life floozy
Painted lips on a gorilla
Looking like Phyllis Diller
As a pole dancer she must've been a doozy
BY LIN LANE
Godzilla saw her and stole her away
I think he wanted to toy with her play
but she put up a fight
all through the night
and insisted that she had to stay
BY MYSTIC ROSE
She seductively ate a banana with zeal
But that day it just got too real
In her ugly mouth
It all went south
Her and a banana without appeal!
BY ROGERPAT ADAMS
Categories:
doozy, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
a journey
arrival
The cancer within.
Just another place to be.
(Whatever that means).
hello, now
You look different
than I imagined, filtered
through those gamma rays.
what's up doc?
Shall we slice, dice or
nuke today? My good doctor,
practice on me, please!
calculating cost of repairs
What is the value
of a human life? Do you
have health insurance?
another round of jose chemo
Only kidding, doc.
As far as hangovers go
this one's a doozy.
the good news
Well, at least I did
not lose my hair. (Inside joke,
never had any).
the bad news
I will not succumb
to a natural death. Nor
will I fade away.
cremate or inter?
Suit yourself, daughter.
Either way, I doubt it will
bury my huge debt.
legacy
You win. I lose. So?
Goodbye, now. I think I'll have
that last cigarette.
meeting god
She smiled at him
and said: "Hey there fella, was
it good for you too?"
Categories:
doozy, journey,
Form:
Senryu
It’s funny now
To know the truth
That all you care about is you
Your squinty eyes and sneaky smile
You had a plan all the while
Pretend to care
Say some words
And then not care
Who you hurt
Cause your plan is #1
All others be damned
Your having fun
You pile it on
Cause I can take it
Curse my name
And try to break me
But evil does
As evil see’s
Wait for my plan
It’s a doozy
Categories:
doozy, funnycare, care, evil,
Form:
Rhyme
Unconsciously fatuous ;
stylish
foolish
#
It's all right ;
doozy
choosy
#
Nonsense ;
fiddle
giggle
#
03.03.2018
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
* 3rd place in the contest
Categories:
doozy, humor, nonsense, words,
Form:
Footle
(True story)
As nativity plays go, this one was a doozy
with plenty of chances to fail
and even after all the countless rehearsals
it did, on a Biblical scale.
My part, I was Joseph, and Barbara was Mary,
the Jesus doll wrapped in a sheet
three wise men in the wings with tea towels on their heads
plus trainers and pumps on their feet.
The donkey was resting, a little bizarre
since the creature was mounted on wheels
and in the light of the candles it's red plastic handle
just made the scene slightly surreal.
The stable was made from the school's Wendy house
for the play they used just two hinged walls
as the wise men came Joseph leaned back on one arm
and the whole structure started to fall.
The look from the prompt at the front of the stage
signified I was in real deep trouble
as the magi and shepherds all valiantly scrambled
to pull Mary from out of the rubble.
The infant child surfaced though held upside down
from the tangle of thatch straw and rafters
as his messenger Gabriel rolled on the floor
in a fit of hysterical laughter.
The following year I found I was demoted
as teacher didn't want to lose sleep
over what new disaster I'd find myself master
so I took the back row as a sheep.
Categories:
doozy, christmas, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Fannie Strumpet is a flatulent floozy
With each wiggle her rump lets out a doozy
She blows out so much gas
Foul vapor from her a$$
It's asphyxiating and makes me woozy
Fannie lets 'em rip without hesitation
When I point a finger in accusation
She points hers back at me
and laughs saying, "Phew Wee!"
I'm tempted to enact strangulation
I threatened to have the woman arrested
Indecently walking around bare breasted
She farted in my face
Through her panties of lace
I think I was infected and molested
One night Fannie was with a man she'd just met
When she tooted he left, much to her regret
Rectal fumes exploded
He screamed, "You're corroded!"
Her tail expels toxins like a gas jet
Fannie saw a doctor of proctology
She farted without making an apology
She disgusted him so
He said, "Madame, just go.
You're a noxious threat to world ecology!"
I don't fear being assaulted by her smut
She was sued; the case was open and shut
The streets no longer stink
Cuz Fannie's in the clink
For hiding lethal weapons in her butt
October 1, 2021
May the Gas Be With You-Farts Part 2 Contest
Sponsored by Chantelle Anne Cooke
Categories:
doozy, funny,
Form:
Limerick
My life is like a movie
well in my eyes I can truly be the ruling
I'm the doozy, Uzi shooting through the rooting
super-computing, fusing routine, never will use these
suiting every few, cleverly blue
see who? me looting every noose
I'm severing, choose to openly rue the recipe soon
why? I earned what worth my brain stirred
the curse, the pain hurts
the search for lame burns
they burst away first
in vein, I lay crazed, when I say hey
I feel they may make fate, destiny a gate
to make way for the day, decay great
face hate to be ate, ached, eight by eight shamed, by the rain saint
pourin' poorness upon the fortune
forced to force feed forty four before we orbit coarsely
im boarding, morphing for these unholy moly forces
I'm holding royal loyalty, I fully see the rhyme dulling
coldly spine showing time, breakin' like folding my soul in nine
for the care of sharing the fire for the fight
in the focus on the light when I write it right, just get excited
Categories:
doozy, beautiful, how i feel,
Form:
Verse
A Georgia country preacher stayed up to prepare for his sermon all night.
He put the outline on a notecard to eliminate any oversight.
It was going to be a doozy, and he couldn’t wait to preach that morning.
He was on fire for God, his pure heart full of yearning.
He was tingling with anticipation thinking of the day,
And stayed on his knees most of the night to pray.
Sunday morning dawned a day of perfection that God had created.
He headed to church with his wife and children, and felt elated.
God is so good, he thought in awe… he hoped someone would be blessed.
When the time came for his sermon, he pulled the notecard out of his vest.
He wanted to get the show on the road, but then he stopped in his tracks,
For when he set the notecard on the pulpit, it fell down between the cracks.
He had no way to retrieve the card, and he momentarily panicked.
He decided he had to come clean with the congregation, and not be frantic.
He said, “I had a fantastic sermon prepared, but my outline has slipped between this crack,”
“And I have no way of getting it back!”
The congregation roared with side splitting laughter.
The sound could be heard above the rafters.
So he decided to wing it without the notecard,
And poured his heart out before the Lord.
He did an outstanding job, and my Mother was so proud.
She praised God, and shouted aloud.
She told him later, she didn’t know what the congregation enjoyed most,
His sermon that had fallen between the cracks, or a message of which he could boast.
Categories:
doozy, funny, humorous, religious,
Form:
Rhyme
My father’s sister was a Caryl, so I was the one,
To inherit the Welch version of Carol said, KAH rill.
I thought the name was unique; it gave me a thrill,
To know I was special enough to be second to none.
First grade was hard for me to grasp the spelling,
Constantly wrote Carly, dyslexia was a doozy.
Mother shortened my middle name to Susie,
No one realized the difficulties it was foretelling.
When I reached my teenage years, Caryl was my name,
First names were required; by then, I could spell it.
It still gave others problems though, I must admit,
Cheryl was my teachers favorite, nowhere close to claim.
Others viewed it as Carl when written on paper,
I could not fathom where it was even close to my name.
I soon grew to ignore the disgust and fight the shame,
Letting it dissipate into air like thick water vapor.
No matter what I am called the intent will not vary,
Love and joy amid my life is what I wish to leave.
Its uncommonness adds to the meaning I believe,
For love and joy I have found in the man I did marry.
Copyright © 2011 By Caryl S. Muzzey
Third Place Winner: "E Form" Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Broken Wings
February 20, 2017
Fifth Place Winner: "What's In My Name” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Linda-Marie The Sweetheart of PS's
March 17, 2011
Categories:
doozy, joy, me,
Form:
Enclosed Rhyme
See you lady's are really dudes, male energy oozes from the paths you choose.
You see straight lines to your end, and you believe it ends there with ONE life to attend.
Just understand that world is so lonely, but as a whole you and the other boys won't be the only
To cross over confused, by only yourself and YOUR CHOICE to be used.
See the "rulers" of this world had plans to keep us hiding, for a "better" perceived earth or calming home to reside in.
And they have succeeded as the blind don't wish to see, nor asking a ****ing question to an alternative degree.
Emotions run the world but ya'll think its money, government made bills too huh? now aint that *****funny.
And they prescribe medicine for every condition, thats just regulated murder with your own permission.
And the "leaders" pay for "news" so you don't go knowing, the truth about nature or where we are growing
Its sad you say that we're babied by the kings, you're bombarded by conspiracies for every single thing.
Now if I give you a secret you promise you can keep it? Its a doozy so make sure you can read it.
The same people who control you and kill all our families, and lie to our faces from cities to shanty's, and make all the rules that you're forced to live by, and keep ALL the money we've worshipped to get by....
WE ARE THE ONES WHO GAVE THEM THE POWER, AND WE CAN TAKE IT BACK AT ANY GIVEN HOUR!
Categories:
doozy, angst, art, business, caregiving,
Form:
Light Verse
One fine day, me, Molly Coddle and my Goombah Pa Pa,
were sitting in The Cat In The Hat restaurant;
we gongoozled the men-you. " oh, I have collywobbles
in my tummy!" I said sort of loudly. (hint, hint)
Finally, our waiter Fuddy Duddy, (that is his name, honest)
so slowly, comes over, "What will you hatz?" He sayz;
I quickly place my odour, " I'll have a chocolaty lickety split,
a smellfungus burger with all the rigmarole with it;
and some fat-me-up fries!"And I slam close, the men-you.
Goombah Pa Pa lookz at his men-you for the longest time,
(oh la di la, whatz the brouhaha, just odour, I'm a thinking)
at last he sayz, "I'll have some kerfuffle tea, and some of
that skullduggary soup of the day and some shennanigan
pasta surprize!" And he slams the men-you closed, with a smile.
Fuddy Duddy nods and walks away with the speed of a snail,
(oh gobbleygook, my tummy is rumbling) when at last he;
is coming our way with a tray loaded with our meal- (rumble!)
when some doozy, klutz of a kid trips Fuddy Duddy, and
we have to skedaddle out of the way . . . or wear our food!
Goombah Pa Pa, canoozles me on the cheek. "Nevermind,
Molly Coddle, we'll just re-odour . . .
(oh collywobbles, I'm thinking, loudly)
Goombah Pa Pa, whispers, "patience is a virtue, Molly Coddle!"
(rumble!)
______________________
March 18, 2017
Narrative/Molly Coddle and her Collywoobles
Copyright Protected, ID 885485
I Need A Cup of Seuss
Jerry T. Curtis,
Categories:
doozy, children,
Form:
Narrative
Calls for action
when love goes the opposite way,
don't you go and fly,
say to me and love too confused to smile or frown,
but you smile and go down;
to a place where the angels turn to demons
in a moment of time, it calls for action.
Don't go now, confused and sad, causing friction
in your down-spiral you call life,
it calls for action, when loves comes around.
Round one;
round two;
it's a doozy at round three,
by round four K.O.
Smile, at least you didn't die.
Take another slice of pecan pie.
Cherry for me please.
Surreal dreams cross through night air,
as you sit, a pillow case full of lost dreams and tears,
lost and dazed from morning stainless steel sunshine.
As, the macaroni burns on a hot stove,
the child laughs in a corner,
with toys, broken, liter the carpeted living room.
By Round five, they take you to the locker room,
give you smelling salt to wake you up,
bring you back to reality,
and to break the bad news that love and illusion had
won the match.
That, my friend, calls for serious action.
Buff up, and smile,
love snapped you like a twig, went on with your best friend,
and slapped your mother on the way out of the arena.
People are laughing, mocking, grinning;
the blues is eating you alive.
You sit there, tears of defeat streaming down your battered and bruised cheeks,
waiting for comfort, that no one will give.
That calls for action.
Don't wait.
Don't cry.
Don't doubt on what could of been...
because, there is no doubt that love is thinking about you like that.
You're alone in this great fight,
sure God is there, but he's not going to speak up for you.
Love another,
go on and roll with the punches.
Win over love,
and true love, not illusion, will follow.
but it all starts with,
The Calls for Action.
.6.8.2014.
Categories:
doozy, break up, deep, inspirational,
Form:
Free verse
1/18/17
Among so many rocks and leafs
As well as animals that squawk or squeak
Talk is cheap
Many things considered a dime a dozen
Like limes and onions
You're either with or against the clock
Whether it is continually making sense or not
At times it can all truly
Be quite the doozy
Frustrated with seeing cruelty
And people acting unruly
Along the way
Is it wrong to say?
Every dog has it's day
They can make glass from sand
So much became a flash in the pan
Whether or not there ended up being any cash in hand
With my own flesh and blood
I express my love
While I step and trudge
Through different depths of mud
Haste makes waste
Across this place in space
You may or may not have your while life ahead of you
Just remember idle hands are the devil's tools
Near and far from special sentimental jewels
Realize there have been many kinds of metals used
Near and far from different sea levels and pools
The outcome may have been preventable
If such things weren't placed on a pedestal
By: Dalton Ogletree
Categories:
doozy, poetry, rap, word play,
Form:
Rhyme
Clyde Clark
In park
Was boozy
Real doozy
Did pee
On tree
Broke law
Cop saw
Tied hands
With bands
To jail
Sans bail
Called spouse
"You souse"
Said she
To he
"Stay there
Don't care"
(Later before the judge)
"Where ere you be let your water flow free", was Clyde's creative defense.
Ha! Ha! grinned the judge! "Thirty days in the slammer for this offense!"
Categories:
doozy, humorous,
Form:
Footle