Best Doggone Poems
There was a dog owner named Mark
Whose beagle would constantly bark
The neighbours would moan
They’d steal Benji’s bone
And toss it away in the park
18th February 2016
Categories:
doggone, dog, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
"GO FETCH"
Call me whatever to suit your moods
Lay me out with cuss words, “give me the goods”
Scandalize my name every place you go
“It’s a dog eat dog world” but I hate that flow
So scatter your venom to the four winds of earth
Burn the night oil you may hang in dirt
While hours creep I lie comfortable in my bed
Dead to this world, I fall asleep, well fed
Like a kid after a long, hot day in the pool
In “the dog days of summer”, keeping cool
Each day with a clean heart, I go on my way
Often, “happy as a flea in a dog house”, I stay!
My preference sometimes is to “let sleeping dogs lie”
As this is one baggage, I will not carry ‘til I die
No lasting affect do your words have on me
Wishing you and yours only the best, you see
I know who I am, and keep malice at bay
Fervently I believe that “ every dog has its day”
Categories:
doggone, forgiveness, introspection, lifeme, dog,
Form:
Couplet
I‘d been staying with pa - my folks got a divorce
and pa took me to the local greyhound course
Pa’s greyhound was running, he runs very fast
He’s called Pterodactyl, pa’s dog never comes last!
I stayed in the stalls, it was pouring with rain
and our ‘Terry’ was winning again and again
I’d an essay to write on Catherine of Aragon
So I worked studiously while the racing was on
At the end of the racing my essay’s all done
Pa comes to fetch me saying come along son
The mutt is so hungry and wants to be fed
it chews up my homework - I wish it was dead!
I’m hopping with rage, I’m crying out loud
there’s such a commotion I draw quite a crowd
I’ve no time to re write it so I know my fate
I'll get a detention, homework cannot be late
My strict history teacher is called Mister Gorey
and he will not believe my shaggy dog story
But my story is true, yes it’s totally factual -
my homework WAS eaten by our flaming Pterodactyl
* A shaggy-dog story a long joke that has an intentionally silly or meaningless ending
My homework was eaten by a flaming Pterodactyl
Sponsored by John Lawless
01/20/21
Categories:
doggone, father son, humorous, pets,
Form:
Rhyme
. *DOGGY STYLE*
Tonight! Tonight! I must display.
About my man's doggy style way.
Once he comes home he acts like I'm his "DOGGY BAG."
"It’s DOGGING ME!" The way he starts to nag.
He came from the bar with his "DOG BREATH!"
Calling me by the name of Beth.
When he settles down he starts acting like he's the "TOP DOG!"
"DOGGONE IT!" doesn't he know I'm adding this bone to my blog.
Now he's drunk acting "MEAN LIKE a JUNK YARD DOG!"
I taunt him by calling him a pig and a hog.
We "FIGHT LIKE CATS and DOGS," this really must be love?
"It's a DOG eat DOG WORLD" when push comes to shove!
Once again he will sleep "IN THE DOG HOUSE!"
This time for ripping my favorite blouse.
It's too bad "YOU CAN'T TEACH an OLD DOG NEW TRICKS!"
I wish he was a real dog, he needs to be neutered and fixed.
I think I will laugh and kiss him good night.
Anyways "HIS BARK is WORSE THAN HIS BITE!"
By morning he will be "SICK AS A DOG" and scary like a mouse.
I'm still waiting to be "Happy as a FLEA in a DOG HOUSE!"
"HE IS NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG" thinking it's doggy style all the time!
In his rabies case his desires keeps getting worse than slobber and slime.
.Should I tell my man that his actions are what I call humans love torch?
With the reaction "IF you can’t run with the BIG DOG's PUPPY, STAY on the porch!"
By; smiles
Categories:
doggone, funny, girlfriend-boyfrienddog, dog,
Form:
Couplet
I guess it would cause oohs and ahhs
if I wrote of the doggie's doo dahs
So I'd best keep it clean
even though it will mean
this 'tale' will be wagging the dog, haha.
Categories:
doggone, funny
Form:
Limerick
Rufus: Irish Rover Purebred and a Fortune 500 Pup ( As told by Rufus himself.)
Watch me snarl all the salesmen away,
ram the door, keep the mailmen at bay.
Each evening, I break
for a fresh T-bone steak.
The sun shines on my ass the WHOLE day.
Categories:
doggone, animals, fantasy, pets, satire
Form:
Limerick
OH SHOOT!!! .A DOGGONE COOKIE
He wanted from her some sweet nookie.
Instead all he got was a cookie.
He suffered his fate.
When he went to date.
Because the poor girl then played hookie!!!!
06/19/14
Categories:
doggone, desire, funny, sexy,
Form:
Limerick
My Fido was booked into the vets
To remove his ‘love making’ assets
He was due for an op
Where his ‘bits’ got the chop
No puppies; I’d have no regrets
We arrived near the vet’s surgery
Fido yelped that he needed to wee
He heard another dog bark
Then scampered off to the park
And escaped so far away from me
To cut a long story quite short
Young Fido he could not be caught
It can’t be discounted
That doggy he mounted
I’ll admit I was very distraught!
When Fido responded to heel
His fate at the vets I did seal
He’s quickly sedated
(Poor actions berated)
His stitches will dissolve and heal!
When musing, I shouldn’t get mad
His doggy behaviour was bad
Though Fido was ‘dog gone’
His line continues on
Six puppies, look just like their dad!
Dandelions Tiger Lilies and Bearberries Oh My
Sponsored by Maureen McGreavy
5/7/18
Categories:
doggone, dog, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
I took my doggy for a ride.
She looked so cute sitting by my side.
And then she gave a little cough
And couldn't seem to turn it off.
She was sick on the seat, but it got worse
She threw up into my open purse.
She was just as sick as a dog can be,
And oh my word, she's been sick on me.
Should I call 911 or find a vet?
I sure needed help for my little pet.
I saw a veterinary sign.
I hoped he could fix this dog of mine.
The vet was a very handsome guy.
I was such a mess, I wanted to cry.
His amusement, he didn't try to hide.
Being laughed at I cannot abide.
"She's just car sick," he said with a smirk.
"Give her these pills, I'm sure they'll work."
I had the last laugh when I heard him curse.
I had paid with money from my stinking purse.
I used the line "Sick as a dog>"
For Andrea's Doggone conterst. won 3rd
Categories:
doggone, funnydog, dog, sick, ,
Form:
Couplet
< tell me now Who ! Who ! ~ Let The Dogs Out ?
bet Carolyn pulling them by snouts ......
fleas ... ticks.... she started to itch /////
screaming sons of a ....... b .i...t...c....h
poor neighbor's dog now takes different route
Entry For
Andrea Dietrich's
The DogGone Dog Contest
G.L. All
Categories:
doggone, adventure, animals, fantasy, children,
Form:
Limerick
Doggone night…
Once there was an old and lonesome crow.
I‘ll tell the story the way I know.
The crow was so dark, darker than night.
darkness with shadows, gathering fright.
One day between the dark and the dawn,
the air was heavy the moon withdrawn;
He saw the light at the end of the sky,
he got afraid then he jumped to fly.
He hated the light as much as pain,
nothing worth seeing, in his campaign.
Nothing to see when you live in dark,
darkness will never let flowers spark.
He flew, but light came faster and fast,
nothing in this life will last till last.
His body got tired, also his wing.
He landed so near, a pearly spring.
He drank some water and washed his pain,
He did some cawing, crying in vain.
He asked the water, why you’re so bright?
Why are you sparkling in such delight?
Water responded that it is light!
Light is the one that is always bright.
Crow asked the water, what is this light?
I came from a place as dark as night.
I eat carrion, dirty, and foul,
my only friend was an old horned owl.
Tell me more about brightness of light,
I am so tired of this doggone night.
I want to live in colors and dyes,
not living my life in dark disguise.
Living in darkness, always at night,
gloomy shadows make darken all light.
The spring told the Crow, go ask the wind,
He will tell you then, how you have sinned.
Not knowing the light, not seeing, sun,
this way of living must be undone.
The crow asked the wind how do you fly?
How do you paint the blue, in the sky?
The wind told him, your answer is light,
it comes from the sun, that’s warm and white.
It is the beauty, full of delight.
No more to live in the endless night.
You go and you seek the source of light.
Ascend to the plain at highest height.
To see for yourself, what is to see?
Maybe you find out, how can it be.
Like an arrow, crow jumped and then gone,
searching for the sun, seeking the dawn.
Next day, I saw him dancing at noon,
kissing rainbow, till late afternoon.
12/18/16 Haloo
For: NV
Categories:
doggone, light, loneliness, night, symbolism,
Form:
Couplet
The
5 second
rule you all use
for dropping food on
the floor is useless if
you have got a
2 second
dog
Categories:
doggone, dog, food, funny,
Form:
Shape
no muddy paw prints
show on the kitchen floor now…
your leash hangs unused
FICTION WRITE
08-26-17
Categories:
doggone, death, dog,
Form:
Haiku
The Hair of the Dog
You can drink til your dead as a log
And get up with your head in a fog
tomato juice cocktail
two jiggers ginger ale
and a taste of the hair of the dog
She calls you, you’re jumpy as a frog
you act cool, your head still in a grog
she says just come on by
You can unzip your fly
for a taste of the hair of the dog
In three days you feel she needs a flog
To the doctor, you go, brain agog
Three shots you need to get
Ere you can even wet
Without cussing the hair of the dog
© Aug 28 2010 For Andrea’s “Doggone Dog” Contest
Categories:
doggone, funny, hair, hair,
Form:
Limerick
Joe Murphy built a wall at great expense.
He bought a vicious dog to guard the fence.
One night there was a dense fog;
Joe stumbled on the fence dog.
We haven't heard a word from Joseph since.
Categories:
doggone, animals, funny, people,
Form:
Limerick