Best Crocker Poems
My grandfather on my father’s side, was a pecker-toothed sidle who raped his
daughter when she was just ten. He threw down vodka from an eternal well and took my father out to buy prostitutes when he was just fifteen... It was here that my father first learned the true value of a woman. Mercifully, a permanent steel brace got loose at the Pennsylvania steel mill where he worked and crushed Grandfather into a pool of blood and urine.
My father was a dried seed rattling in an empty gourd… he had grown up
hardened with leather-stiff roots exposed too long in the sun. My mother knew
that he wanted to rape me, so I kept guard with knives and ran away whenever I could. I went to bed fantasizing how to sneak into his bedroom and kill him with
the kitchen carving knife.
My older brother hadn’t adjusted well to the chaos either, so he put all his expectations and dreams into a matchbook and burned down three houses in the neighborhood. He secretly, robbed his friends of their valuable coin collections. He grew weary and confessed and was taken to a local Mental Hospital for evaluation. At fourteen, I needed a good stiff drink! I was transferred to two different foster care homes and grew up like a weed.
My mother Dolly was an auburn haired porcelain bisque, matt finished doll from a
discriminating collections of dolls... her father's dolls. She was not a witty woman
but silent, afraid and alone. She gave birth to three children who grew up like
wild dogs while Dolly made Betty Crocker weekends and otherwise TV dinners
until she grew tired... very tired.
One day the brothers were playing with Dolly tossing her back and forth…
like a ball, one to another... until we dropped her. Fragile, she shattered into pieces
on the gray cement patio. My father came out determined to put the pieces back
together but clumsily, he repeatedly stepped on Dolly crushing the refined
fragments into powdered dust.
On a limb was this lyric etched
By leprechaun in rune & sketch.'
T'was not bawdy;But sober in tone
From this wistful soul Who lived alone
To good Saint Patrick he made a plea
From the trap of treasure deliver me,
In crock & jar I have full trove
Yet never am I to leave this grove.'
For the wicked witch left me much in gold
Upon her death, from a maudlin cold
Now I'm being held by the love of greed
And could not be pulled free; by the greatest steed.'
Yet I've read that God has made a plan
That I see regards a woman & man
But Leprechauns are a different breed
That trace descent from the shamrock seed
I'm aware your day is soon to dawn
So I plea your help on the coming morn
I need a loving sylph in green
To lead me in love, to the modern scene.'
I repent of my former punk rock days
When I followed many a fad & craze
Yet I have this idea you can make a case
With God above who is full of grace
I beseech in hope, I need more faith.'
Yet if its not to be, my will I'll brace
Let me not languish, though; so folorn...
Just an old 'punk-crocker' tired & worn.!
The bright Christmas lights on my city house are so colorful and traditional,
hopefully when I get my high utility bill I won't become too irrational,
and watching everyone open up their gifts makes me want to sigh,
also hoping that when I get the credit card bills I won't start to cry,
And the Christmas room has edible fumes of the eating variety kind,
with the holiday weight I gain ending up in my butt and thighs,
while getting a white Christmas is something I always wished for,
but not slipping on the slippery steps when walking out the front door,
A different group of Christmas carolers singing out front in my yard,
all of them sounding very off key like a cat getting strangled,
and not having money to give them gave them some pie I baked,
most of them getting sick from it Betty Crocker I aint,
Going Christmas shopping and getting stuck in the holiday traffic,
and trying to find a parking spot at the mall was really quite baffling,
having to sit there and wait till I saw a shopper getting ready to leave,
another car beat me to the spot while I sat there and sneezed,
So I decided to move far away from the hustle and the bustle,
wheres all I have to worry about is what is that woodland noisy rustle,
could be a black bear, coyote, wolf or a moose,
and when I get my mail every day have to run so they don't bite my big caboose,
But thats ok I'm starting to feel at home for the holidays in the hills,
getting used to the 8 foot snow drifts and the night time animal shrills,
while getting into my vehicle can be quite an ordeal,
running like a fugitive till I get inside of it in my camouflage gear,
But I have a plan B just in case living in the hills doesn't all work out,
I'll just move to Florida where the humidity and big bugs will bother me no doubt,
where I'll buy my own little house hopefully sinkhole free and keep it fumigated,
and pretend to have a white Christmas even though its 85 degrees out while getting chased by an alligator.
Happy Holidays Everyone!
12-24-16
“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" is a song by Australian worship group Hillsong United. It was released on 23 August 2013 as the second and final single from their third studio album, Zion (2013). The song is led by Taya Smith, and was written by Matt Crocker, Joel Houston and Salomon Ligthelm, with production being handled by Michael Guy Chislett.
Wikipedia reference
DEEP WATERS
Trilling of a songbird, in touch with God almighty,
Taya begins:
“You call me out upon the waters.
The great unknown where feet may fail.”
I’ve indulged those deep waters
I jumped in —
The tour guide said,
“No need for a lifejacket.”
But I knew, as soon as my body
Hit the ancient waves, I
Needed God. He is my strength.
His Spirit lifted me up the ladder.
I applied my orange stronghold.
“And keep my eyes above the waves,”
I feel my savior as Hillsong performs.
I am in the ocean.
I am afraid.
But she sings,”My faith will stand.”
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters.”
She sings the bible’s anthem.
I’m not afraid.
I close my eyes.
I hear God call —
I can walk upon the waters.
She presses me, “Take me deeper…
And my faith will be made stronger.”
I’ve scanned the seas on the deck of a ship
Salty air and evening winds —
Wondered what’s below.
He is! He’s everywhere!
When my son was on a submarine,
I was not afraid.
I knew whose eyes would see him,
No matter what trouble he was in.
My feet may fail.
The roaring beast may froth and foam,
But in the arms of Jesus Christ,
My faith is strong.
8/14/2020
Same Old Song Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Beth Evans
An old lady went to the doctor.
Soon the nurse came in as a proctor.
Her face was blushing red.
She covered up her head.
“Relax and think of Davy Crocker.”
© August 19, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen
In the larger view I'm the better cook.
Some folks can hardly boil water.
They'll take a recipe by the hand
and lead it straight to slaughter!
Yet I don't need a recipe.
My hands and mind are strong.
If you let me taste your dish you'll see
I'll capture it like a song.
A dash of this and a pinch of that
are really all that I need.
When I put on my pretend chef's hat
for my know-how you will plead!
So don't even try to imitate me.
I'm better than Betty Crocker.
I put to shame Chef Boyardee
or maybe I'm off my rocker!
for contest "I Spit Fire"
November 26,2013
I am the roaring twenties
And the cotton club.
I am Al Capone and his
Thugs.
I am the rise of Joseph
Stalin.
I am the age of science
And penicillin.
I am Walt Disney and
Mickey Mouse.
I am electricity in
My house.
I am the stock market
Crash.
I am the first Academy
Award bash.
I am Miss America pageant
The first time.
I am Valentino dies reads
The headlines.
I am the great depression
Sweeps the land.
I am Lindbergh on north
Atlantic flight plan.
I am Betty Crocker and
Wonder bread.
I am the great migration
Watch me spread.
I am speakeasies and Gerber
Baby food.
I am the age of Jazz puts
You in the mood.
I am the woman's right to
Vote ,19th amendment.
I am seven-up, Coca cola's
First resentment.
Turbo1904
MY WIFE
A *****
A witch
Necessary evil begin.
Needed her once,
Now yet to kill her
An unfortunate
sin.
Her womb
A vessel
I and she needs to fill.
Yet menopause insanity
My wife should her find a cure pill.
My wife …she’s over the hill
Again, want to kill
thou shalt
cant not fulfill.
From killing her, I should find a cure pill.
My wife
A good cleaner
Diner maker
Betty Crocker
Cake baker.
No compare
Brittany spears shaker
What a sexy shaker
But my wife
Hate her,
She’s moody
Unpredictable
A Dracula queen.
Cant stand her anger
Raging housewife mean
A mean machine
I cant stand her being.
Besides she no longer fit
Those tight
Blue jeans.
She lost her sheen
Gray skin
Unclean
A *****
A witch
yet to kill her
unfortunate
Sin.
My wife, never should have
Let it ever begin.
Yea, it's pretty dumb this thing of ours.
They say over time it sours.
With us its been quite different.
Anytime is time well spent.
Our desperation, like a torrent, flowers.
Under which Cupid's bow is underpowered.
Even Aphrodite is turned and cowers.
It's Betty Crocker without a vent.
A cataclysm on a collision event.
Hard heart's consuming opponent.
You're like a black hole and I'm the lost planet.
My soul's sole destruction is my commitment.
What are we going to do about it?
Maybe, it's safest if we call it quits.
Yet, it's already too late....
as I have tasted the spice that seasons everything worth ravishing in this world.
My love for you, my destiny is unfurled.
You are my gateway drug.
You are my continual wanderlust.
I would be lost without you.
You're like the soil to my dust.
You are my earth's core.
I'm simply the covering crust.
You are everything good that I trust.
Without you, life is a dark room.
Within your arms my heart is trussed
while I am consumed.
We can't quit. Won't quit. Our love is lauded in film, theatre, music and art.
No matter where my feet carry me, they will never from your side depart.
I don't even exist anymore when you're near and I am far.
I love you perilously and forever.
To be an ample subject of adoration will always be my final endeavor.
That's the only promise in life I make.
-Angel Fatale-
11/11/16
"Water"
On land and in the water
Ores such as copper
The M.V. P. of the entire roster
Back in the day they use to call me Harry Potter
Show me a lady that can cook like Betty Crocker
I'll appreciate every meal especially the peach Cobbler
Showing her respect and honor
And treating her proper
My mind continuing to wander
What opportunity lies over yonder?
Something I could find out or just continue to ponder
No it's not ever cool to be a bank robber
Or suicide bomber
Of every rhyme I post, I am the author
In school was only a mediocre scholar
Objects assembled with screws and washers
Certains days shorter or longer
Depending on the season the weather getting colder or hotter
Nearby in these waters exists otters
Where people fish in fresh and saltwater
For many things, like trout, crab ,salmon and lobster
Trees grown from seeds, with much more than hard work and a water dropper
No good in remaining to be somber
Got to prosper
By showing and proving what I got to offer
I love playing sports, even soccer
I'm a fan of any well made lager
And I've always had an interest in owning a dog that is a boxer
Fascinations in all species not just nightcrawlers
Never was the biggest talker
Just trying to become wiser and stronger
One day I just may own a chair that is a rocker
By: Dalton Ogletree
With your hands held up limply;
As if consumed by a fear;
You claim your provisions;
So few can come near
But I hear only echoes;
Designed and construed.
Like as growth from a hot house;
Not flower or food.
But this meat and potatoes;
With butter and bread
And these rhyme’s Betty Crocker;
Will it stay in your head?
This venue you’re serving’
Lacks an herb or a spice;
And until you are sorry;
You only suffice.
WHEN WILL YOU DIME STORE POETS GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD
I CAN OUTWRITE MOST OF YOU WHILST ASLEEP IN MY BED
YOU WANT TO WRITE ABOUT DAISIES AND WILDFLOWERS
WHILE I WRITE ABOUT SOLDIERS DYING BY THE HOURS
WHEN WILL THE PEOPLE WHO READ ME PASS ON THE WORD
TELL THEM TO READ THE GENIUS OF A POET YOU JUST HEARD
ADVISE THEM TO SIT DOWN AND LEARN FROM A MASTER OF THE ART
BECAUSE MOST OF YOUR POEMS LACK SOUL, NEVER MIND ANY HEART
I CAN SIT DOWN AND IN TEN MINUTES SCRIBE WORDS SO WISE
WHILE YOU ALL READ ME WITH JAUNDICED EYES
YELLOW FROM THE DISEASE OF NOT REALLY GIViNG A DAMN
WHEN A HANDFULL OF POETS AS TALENTED AS ME KNOW MOST OF YOU ARE A SHAM
SO WRITE ABOUT YOUR LATEST TAKE ON BETTY CROCKER
WHILE I WRITE AND BOP TO THE GREAT JOE COCKER
IF THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU REALIZE THE WISDOM I DISPENSE
PERHAPS A FEW OF YOU MIGHT FALL OFF YOUR SELF-RIGTEOUS FENCE
(C) 2011....Phreepoetree ~free cee!~ (the inimitable)
The chocolate frosting was whipped for the cake
But it flicked on your neck by a simple mistake
Don’t move my love I’ll clean you up
With lips and tongue I’ll gently suck.
Mmmm, that’s good, lets have some more
There are other body parts we can explore
Remove your apron and what’s underneath
Cover up the box, so Betty Crocker can’t peek.
With spatula I’ll cover your passion
Chocolate cupcakes are all the fashion
On the kitchen table I’ll have my dessert
Careful dear, you’re ripping my shirt.
The company came later that night
And looked surprised to see the sight
Of a naked cake with no frosting there
Yet the hint of chocolate smell in the air.
Having a dinner party that night
I was getting the meal prepared,
had all the steaks and salad ready
but nothing yet for dessert,
feeling like a Betty Crocker,
but with little time left,
decided to make an upside down
pineapple cake from scratch,
getting out a recipe from Good
Housekeeping from the rack,
reading the fine print,
I went right to work,
whipping up all the ingredients,
for my special dessert,
popped it in the oven for 1/2 hour,
and when I took it out it looked
good and smelled like a flower,
all went well as my party progressed,
my guests commenting on my
dinner as being one of my best,
then serving them the pineapple cake
they all looked so eager to try,
until my best friend took a slice
and bit into it with a disappearing smile,
then I noticed my other guests
with frowns on their faces,
so I took a slice myself
and tasted the awful bitterness,
everyone gulped down their
drinks and then drank some more,
I as well to get rid of the horrible
taste that nauseated me to my core,
I apologized and excused myself,
and wondered about the awful
taste mystery while back in the kitchen,
so I reread the ingredients and
noticed the one I had used mistakenly,
instead of using one cup
of sugar I used a cup
of baking soda in my haste,
and that is why that was the first
and last time I made pineapple
upside down cake!
8-3-2016
We could never say within good conscience that this country
Has ever been a great place or truly even her blessing given misery
From whence she was borne ? Lingering here today and better what Styx
Might say, Your fooling yourselves but you don't believe it ? Tis never been their
Masses whom have tainted as poisoned humanity; albeit this flesh no, wasn't designed
To embrace heaven's holy light: most assuringly an enmity, of love's beautiful and priceless
Spirit, crying abba Father ? Thus while joey crocker crotch gathers his wayward dumplings; spill the wine.