Best Cos Poems

My turds float like choc’late marshamallows
Just lurking about in the shallows
I guess that my butt
Is truly kaput
So doctor suggests bitter aloes

I questioned such treatment regime
Doc...

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The sun was rising high in the east over the town of Milton creek
It was the eighteenth day of December, the start of Christmas week
All...

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It was about seven in the morn as the sun was starting to rise
Unbeknown to the folks of Milton Creek they were in for a...

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Old blabber mouth gets on my wick
His attitude makes me quite sick
He plays to the crowd 
Is brash and so loud 
My husband thinks he's...

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Window cleaning is my trade and I want to tell my story
Like the time I saw the Vicars wife in the bath in all her...

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With the heavy load you suffer
a substance not needed
yet drags you
cushioning your efforts
and deterring your pace, forgetting that
the Train is already moving
with passengers determined
for this...

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FROM A HOSPITAL BED
Wordancer

Even if I’m dizzy with an aching head, 
I must not disturb the others in the beds
In this hospital ward where not...

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I met them once I landed in a place, 
they called it haven, a soiree place. 
Where people are nice,kind and cool. 
Some are young,...

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And now as I hold her near
I turn and draw the bedroom curtain
She made what she wants so clear 
She's going to get it tonight...

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FRED THE PERV.

Kinky Fred stole knickers off the line
One summer night his haul totalled nine
His spree ended in tears
Got an extra ten years
When Judge Sue...

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Slowly the curtains parted a head peeps out
Dressed as a small child so lifelike

Can see the strings working the arms
In a disjointed fashion
But the eyes.....
the...

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Yesterday I was in a little funk
because I got peed on by a big skunk
          ...

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OLD MA.

Old Ma always gave the kids a nice treat
Always nuts and never anything sweet
But they soon found out why
Nuts were in great supply
Choc nut...

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He arrived wearing pink skinny jeans
They were scruffy and ripped at the seams
He looked like a wiener
I will not be meaner
But he’s sure not the...

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MR GREEDY

Mr Greedy could not eat any more
His bulging stomach was swollen and sore
Needed hospital care
But he couldn't get there 
Cos he got wedged in...

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