Best Chook Poems
Lake Eliza 2...
Out near dusty Lake Eliza
Lived sweety tart, where flies are
Sucked oddly Emu eggs some sunny days
Like a dozen egg appetiser (1 egg = 1 dozen fowl egg)
She got em off the miser
Rotten eggs old Emu walked away (in disgust)
Of course she had a rooster
Who had a name like Zac the Brewster
Who was always a riding the duck
So she shot him with a trap gun…(3/4” water pipe)
12 gauge lead did flatten one
Rooster on toast laughed ol Chuck
A Sand goanna lame
wanted eggs just the same
So he crawled into the chook house for a feed (fowl abode)
Duck Chuck saw him there
spat n shat n tore his hair
rode the old Goanna yes indeed
So we leave ol Lake Eliza
without being any wiser
just beware of Ducky Chuck
and the ol tart that lingers
and the rancid smelly dingus
just rotten emu eggs you’re out of luck Don Johnson
Sparrow
“You are just a sparrow Honey Chile “
“I’m not” she said to him
“You sort of sometimes drive me wild”
She said “it is no sin”
“So shut up Chook I’m gonna talk”
He clamps her beak so thin
She squeaks an something, squawks
And then she does him in
Don Johnson
For Francines competition 2nd
Ted Cogger is our local butcher and he’s been here seven years;
full forward for the footy team and drinks a nightly seven beers.
He played one season for the cricket club, but he was just a slugger,
and Ted’s become a mate of mine, but he’s a pretty sleazy bugger.
I have suspicions ‘bout fidelity but of course there is no proof,
and if Pat his wife did get the bell she’d probably hit the roof!
All in all Ted’s just a bloke who loves his beer and sport,
but if other rumours are all true then one day he’ll get caught.
And caught he got, in front of me; there in his butchers shop.
I was wandering home near five o’clock, so I thought I would stop
and have a chat with Ted before he shuts up for the night,
when in walks Mrs. Grundy much to Ted’s chagrin delight.
I sat back and listened to their conversation taking place.
Mrs. Grundy mentioned she hoped Ted would be her saving grace,
but being Friday Ted’s not sure, for he’s let his stocks run low,
therefore his freezers full of empty space with nothing much to show.
She ordered sausages and corn beef, but Ted just shook his head,
so Mrs. Grundy scratched beneath her chin, then she finally said,
“Would you have a chicken I could buy” and one Ted duly found,
then plonked it down upon the scales and weighed it as three pound.
“Oh goodness me that’s not enough” Mrs. Grundy made another plea,
“My son is coming for the weekend and that won’t feed his family,
would you have a bigger chicken?” Ted went back for another look.
I saw him bring back from the cool room - the very same old chook.
He plonked it down upon the scales but Mrs. Grundy couldn’t tell,
even though the chook is on the scales - Ted’s finger is as well.
Ted mentioned that the weight’s four pound, thinking this would do …
“That’s marvellous” said Mrs. Grundy - “Now can you wrap up the two?”
Granger was in danger,
An alien landed in his yard,
So he slimed him with his slime-gun,
The alien running hard.
The alien jumped into his rocket ship
And pulled the portals down,
He blasted into space
With a great big alien frown.
Granger told his parents,
They just laughed and shook their heads,
That is until they saw the scorch marks,
Just near the old chook sheds.
The elusive, furry platypus,
Is a surviving monotreme,
Living above and below the water,
Of any Aussie stream,
Where it lives a pure autonomous life,
With a bric a brac design,
Made up from bits of others,
A sort of animal Frankenstein,
With its duck bill mouth and otter foot,
And beaver sort of tail,
And then it’s got its venomous poison,
In a curly black toenail,
And, as a mammal, what’s really odd,
It lays eggs like a chook…
These are reasons I love spotting platypus,
When they’re swimming in a brook.
Want some toast
BLOODY OATH
My name is Logan
You call me BOGAN
GONNA buy a CHOOK
Can’t be bothered to cook
Feeling CHOC, A BLOCK
As I lay on the bed
Looking at the clock
Want a CIGGI mate
Come on it’s not too late
Touch of a baby
And I feel CLUCKY
Need I say
I’m never lucky
BBQ on let’s have a SNAG
Having a FROTHY
While we BRAG
Got a gift, I said oh CRIKEY
I nearly dropped
My fruit lichee
G’DAY MATE, YA got the time
YEAH, it’s half past 9
Go outside with my BROLLY
Daughter is coming with her dolly
This poem is TRUE BLUE
SEE YA LATER
IM SHOOTING THOUGH
So much more I can add to this
I’ll end it here with a kiss xx
Captain Cook he had a chook
But eggs it wouldn't lay,
So he ate the chook and now he's crook,
He cockle-doodle-doos all day.
Captain Cook he had a horse
But the horse it wouldn't run,
So he ate the horse as a main course,
Now he neighs in the noon day sun.
Captain Cook he had a cat
But the cat it wouldn't meow,
So he ate the cat, now he's so fat,
His belly-button just went pow!
-more poems like this can be found at:
kidscomedypoetry.com.au
My second dog Molly
Is a beautiful border collie
She’s submissive
Quick to give
Ahhh so many kisses!
You’ll never believe.
I know it’s innocent
But does she have to
Lick my face
As well as chook poo?
I wish she knew that
It’s disgusting
Even the crap of the cat
Just give me warning!
She’s nearly ten
She will never learn
Guess I’ll have to
Put up with it then :(
flirt the butterfly with the flowers
bee in a bonnet I see a dragon fly
over the lilly pads luring the frog
as a damsel bug not in distress
tells the reality of a pond.
Mate I reckin’ I get some real ding bats visiting me
I’m fed up to the teeth and pissed off as can be
Streuth I swear that last one was one big big drama Queen
Her Type you’ll meet in the outback makin’ one hell of a scene
As she parades around with her la de dah airs and graces
Carrying on like a rat bag when a rattle snake she faces
Now it’s not my fault if a Koala goes and pisses on her dress
But she goes all ***** like and cries out in distress
And when she encounters a real beaut crocodile
She actually goes bonkers and acts all infantile
Now the blokes around her perve and act without restraint
Flies she cannot tolerate, the heat it makes her faint
I tell you mate that chooks a real flamin’ garbor
Especially when she takes a gander at big cockie on the floor
Yep mate I reckon’ on nature that sheila’s not real keen
And to top it off a real flamin’ arty-fartie drama Queen!
____________________
ding bat: slightly mad
ratbag: person who acts foolishly
beaut: good, great
bonkers: Of unsound mind
chook: slang woman
perve: look at with admiration
gander: look at
cockie: cockroach
sheila: woman
arty-fartie: type of put down of a person
When living in the Australia outback it is always a surprise when
A new comer visits and does somewhat over react when meeting unexpectedly for the first time some of our beloved Australia native animals, insects and reptiles
Thelma Leeson.......
is in a nursing home, dementia will take her,
and I will recite this at her funeral.
Thelma Jane was a Leeson and she was premmie born
Size of a sauce bottle to a tent her tiny form
Oh thy bathed her in olive oil, good for her premmy skin
And mother Eva said to Tom no tent for it’s a sin!
Because she needed better care Jane Tattam took her in
Jane and Morry they were childless, second Mum and Dad did grin
May,1930 the ninth, was when she came to earth
Cool day in a rug , snug as a bug, this tiny babies birth
Her parents then lived in a tent for Tom he was a fencing
With Walter, May, and Henry some of the older kids I’ll mention
Little sister Marge arrived, sugar diabetes so grim
Mum Eva did her best to do the doctoring
Thelma would return to Eva and live in the big old tent
But she was used better things a house and all it meant
Marg was in the Warwick hospital, Thelma drove the sulky in
She clung to the reins, but the horse knew the way there and back again
At school in the forties two Soldiers did walk in
One asked for Fay and Thelma, just brother Walter tall and slim
Nervous Thelma took em to see Tom and Eva at home
Eva said it’s your brother, he’s been a Droving on his own
Thelma would become a nurse, but first she worked in a store
Aunt Jane didn’t like the hair clips in Thelma’s hair she saw
It was in Toowoomba forbidden clips were then a sin
Aunty Jane she made the rules, and Thelma wore em thin .
Thelma was a great Nurse with a timid gentle humor
Prince Alfred in old Sydney, and Mt Olivet would groom her
Michael Lalor of the Irish had captured Thelma’s heart
And Mary arrived a love child, right from the very start.
Then Michael he was called away the lord had taken him
Mary married in the church of Michaels christening….Ireland..
Thelma loved the wedding place, in old Ireland lovely crowd
Mary is her father's daughter, Thelma was so very proud
We always laughed with Thelma for at parties she would cook
At cousin Nell’s the Great Grandkids ate her cakes and sometimes chook
We all miss our lovely Thelma, it’s sad she goes away
But written on the mist of time is Thelma this I say…..Don Johnson
A much loved lady....
The Red Devil, Bronco Johnson in 75
I lived in Morningside, moved in a massage parlor girl
2 kids a Kangaroo dog and a white rat called Merle (Greyhound roo catcher)
We had a druggie ambo man, so Wayne put her in his bed
And they’d be a smoking weed, the Ambo and Mildred
Of course she had a Bludger who lived on her wage of sin...(pimp)
So Wayne chased him out to work used my stock whip on young Jim
Seems she started working from the house, clients were coming in
Commonwealth Police watched the place, we went to New Farm slim
Jenny came to visit me and Wayne he had Estelle
I worked at the Hacienda and the Jet club as well (Bouncer)
Estelle was jealous, maybe Jane was on the side
Estelle married a 21 year old, 42 the blushing bride
Wayne went to the local café to get a burger feed
Said how you doing Charlie Brown to a dark and swarthy weed
Who said “I’m ok mate just take a plurry look,”
Car load on the footpath, all his brothers and a chook (shiela)
Rubbish dumped on the street, we had gone and seen
Soon we had some furniture and a washing machine
We shoved some fellas to get through, then in the boot she’d ride
Discovered later it was new, plastic on the wringer side
So Wayne went back to Charleville or maybe places north
To fly across the flooded creeks, fast for all he’s worth (60mph)
For the highway does a beckon, yes he’s still a driving on
And I surely really miss him and I can’t believe he’s gone
Don Johnson
Wife stealing cousin Wayne died of prostate in 07 ?
He had stolen my wife in 1998 :)
But them's the breaks hey:)
60 miles and hour across flooded creeks
haha...yes no laughing matter mate..."
Chicken Karma" by Peter Duggan
the fowl strikes back ,
a chook attack,
the humans slack,
might get their come uppance,
alack...
and come a crupper,
askance....
love it mate.....
Don
Reply....As ye sow, you get corny,
and reap uncooked forlorn prawnys ....
ones deed comes up to speed ,
car on the racing track,
comes around yes indeed,
next time it gives you a smack,
karma on the racetrack steed,
a hurting memory Jack
.... Don
Dreams
On holiday within a
dream,
we sometimes get the
horror scene,
where 50 swingings
of the axe,
cut off your legs,
stumped around in
fact,
some payment here is
seen?
So jerked awake by
horror shook,
like blood a
squirting from a
chook,
forced to walk on
stumps obscene?
A lesson in-between,
a soul connection ,
what?
The mighty soul has
connections here,
on Goldernot, and
Trimisphere,
where the
Legenderary squat,
in other times, or
not,
we aren't alone In
fear?
A nasty father said
to me,
your dog killed the
cat,
and swearing he,
slammed Fido into
the wall,
so shocked awake ,
I saw a grey cat,
the ghostie visage
hissed and spat
and buzzed round
the room ,
and there upon the
floor so soon,
a little doggie sat,
and howled his
lonesome tune,
the scene did clear
the room,
my soul connection
at???
Don Johnson
are dreams lessons
on options in other
lives?
concurrent with our
own...
where sow n reap
karma keeps,
a record of the
tune...
great suffering may
be a boon...
to trim the karma
hot...
or am i loonie
tunes:}
1930s Dirranbandi as mum Nelly says
In the town of Dirranbandi near the Cubbie cotton farm
was sea of Wilga trees with their dark green leafy charm
the Goats ate green Wilga standing on their back legs
( trees trimmed neatly underneath )
the horses were in hobbles , washing on the Wilga pegged
the Bumble tree would give you fruit for morning jam
Snottygobbles were sucked down fast as you can (mistletoe)
Napans and Quandong were wild growing fruit trees
Piemelon was a bit tartry jam, add sugar if you please
How it was in 1930 where the Claypan dances flowed
On the flat near Charlies Brummell's where a hundred Wilgas growed
The Devils claw might grab a sheep, and goat heads spiked your foot
And Sand goannas did their best to suck eggs out of chooks...
Old Dirran has gone south a bit from when we had it all
Back in the days of Feather chook who sometimes rode so tall (pushbike)
Boomi Jack has a sheep down, come and get the gall fat Harry
And lamb chops were had for breakfast cos old Boomi never married
(Boomi was partial to Harry's sheep)
Green frogs were in the rainwater tank, tasted froggy too
Rain water with a touch of bird dropping to make strong tea for you
The houses had dirt floors the kitchen wore some soot
Look sideways at a Copper, your butt would get his boot
Don Johnson