Best Belched Poems
The cabin was stood there, its door was ajar
The owners were out but they couldn’t be far
She was so thirsty she needed a drink
Did she wait outside... well what do you think
She pushed on the door, ‘Is there anyone there’
I’m just a wee girl who has long golden hair
She thought to herself there is nobody here
But there on the table three glasses of beer
She stood there a while her hands on her hips
That beer looked refreshing and she licked her lips
One glass was small, it was gone in two sips
Another so big it had double hand grips
She couldn’t resist it she drank that as well
Then eyeballed the middle one, oh, what the hell
A medium glass which was just as well
For she felt her bladder was starting to swell
She went to the loo she was now feeling rough
She heard a door creak and a voice that was gruff
She knew what came next, it was more than a hunch
She knew there was no such thing as a free lunch
And so pretty soon she was pinned to the floor
And paid for the drinks, perhaps a few more
But ‘loving’ for beer? She wished she was dead
And then the big glass fell right on his head
He let out a groan and was totally zonked
A lump on his head from where he’d been bonked
She needed some help, there was no-one about
But Goldilocks belched... and then she passed out
The front door swung open and three bears stood there
What the heck’s going on asked a shocked Mummy bear
Daddy bear grumbled, both confused and mad
And Baby bear said... Who’s under grandad
Categories:
belched, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Walking my Tiger home, if only I had known
in the small print of the sale there was a claws
in a nutshell it was leading to instructions about feeding
if I'd have known I would have stopped to think and paws.
Fur this big cat ain't no Vegan it eats food like Becca Teagan
in fact any living creature roaming free,
which fills me with disquiet since the Tiger's fussy diet
means the only thing at home he'll eat is me.
In retrospect, methinks I should have bought a Lynx
it's much smaller and so are what it will munch
if I'd thought about it sooner I could have got a Puma
since there's cattle up the road he'd have for lunch.
And what would have been much neater is an elegant young Cheetah
since they leave us human people well alone,
much much better than a Panther, that would not have been the anther
since all there'd be of me left is my bones.
So the motion I have carried is to go off and get married
and when the Tiger's ate and belched and had his fill
get re-wed to some more wives, they'll have short but happy lives
and they'll help me to keep down my feeding bill.
For contest 'Walking my tiger home', sponsor David Lindsay
Categories:
belched, animal, humor, tiger,
Form:
Rhyme
Monsters Fear Me
The evil hand of Darkland stayed my play
punishing innocence in a most cruel way
Deep were the slashes cut into my back
No charm did I have to stop this attack
when unearthly monster crossed my track
Midnight Sun lit its fierce green eyes
flames belched forth from darkened skies
Roars so deep trees trembled in dismay
This creature came to kill not to play
would I live to see another sunny day
Tall as the mighty oak trees it stood
nothing about it nice, nothing good
Slime laden scales oozing out foul odor
Chills sent up my spine so much colder
would have ran had I been much older
Nothing to do but chant my power song
pray my courage lasted out that long
A bold cry to Skylord to quickly smite
This massive monster on this dark night
then hope for a searing hot beam of light
Seconds ticked on like hours dripping by
where was the Skylord's life saving reply
As my last desperate hope started to fail
Lightning bolt blasted that monster to hell
now live I to rejoice and so happily tell
Thanks given out for my song being heard
faith in goodness, faith in his mighty word
No evil dared again to attack God's child
My heart so strong, my spirit still so wild
Monsters fear me even when I am this mild
10-09-2014
Categories:
belched, conflict, dark, fantasy, imagination,
Form:
Rhyme
I invited a dragon to dinner
(That was almost the wrong thing to do!)
Have you ever seen what a dragon
can do to a bowl of beef stew?
The carrots were shrunken and shriveled.
The celery- quite a sad sight,
yet the dragon seemed rather delighted
as he gobbled up every last bite!
The salad was quite a disaster
with the croutons burnt to a crisp
and the lettuce was beyond recognition
and wilted into a green wisp!
Still that dragon ate every last morsel
and was pleased as a dragon could be!
Cause he roared and belched rather loudly,
but politely exclaimed, “Pardon Me!”
Next I passed the desert to the dragon
as we giggled and talked for a spell.
Then the dragon thanked me profusely
and uttered a steamy farewell.
He taught me to laugh at my worries,
enjoy life with good company,
so tomorrow he’s coming for breakfast
and frying the bacon for me!
Categories:
belched, children, courage, fantasy, food,
Form:
Rhyme
[To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)]
*
Heaven’s almost everywhere but mainly upon high
Santa Claus delivers there cos he’s that kind of guy
The lack of any lavatory almost made him cry
He tried to keep his legs crossed but he dribbled from the sky
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
The holy choir tinkles as they travel on their way
Sprinkling golden showers ’cross the moonlit sky today
They have no private place to pee which fills them with dismay
For there’s no public toilets... in the Milky Way
Gabriel is struggling cos he’s been out on the beer
His guts are throwing tantrums and he tries to plug his rear
He knows he’s gonna poop his pants that fact is fairly clear
For there’s no public toilets... in the upper atmosphere
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
Saint Peter has some turbulence and says a little prayer
He needs to poop and piddle but there’s nowhere private there
He’s sure he gonna throw up and become a vomit sprayer
For there’s no public toilets... in the ozone layer
Satan’s uncle pooped himself, how will he show his face
Public humiliation, he’s in permanent disgrace
He couldn’t hold it in although he found no private place
For there’s no public toilets... on the edge of space
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
Grim, the reaper belched and burped, his tummy grumbled loud
His fart was wet but silent, he was glad because he’s proud
Grim is really trying not to throw up over crowds
For there’s no public toilets... high above the clouds
The angel doubled up and squirted out a putrid spray
Santa Claus got splattered as the reindeer pulled away
All kinds of hell will rain upon a Yuletide Earth this year
For there’s no public toilets... in the stratosphere
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
7 October 2021
Contest: The Throne In Heaven
Sponsor: Jack Webster
And
Contest: Change The Record
Sponsor: Natasha L Scragg
Categories:
belched, humorous,
Form:
Lyric
Witty darkness spread her arms
talking in colored tongues
she opened her blanket wide
and covered everyone
warm, cool, calm, soothing
what a great feeling!
Her breath was life
even where light migrated
promises were prophetic
even if she was no prophet
deeds full of kindness
even if she was not an angel
But wind blew without mercy
blanket tore apart
darkness opened her eyes
no one knew till then
that her eyes were full of sores
and the mouth belched fire
the comfort that was
the soothing tongue that was
the promises that were
vanished and the land
became Golgotha!
Categories:
belched, africa, power, satire,
Form:
Free verse
It frothed, it boiled from deep within her soul,
fermenting in the furnaces of hell.
Considering how best to take her toll,
With heaving breast, stared down the infidel,
and belched it forth with foul and fetid smell.
It launched, depraved and deathly, to the skies;
the horror of its impact filled his eyes.
Try though he might, he could not quell his fears,
and thus, did rationality despise.
The evil jabberwock fell on his ears.
----------
for the Dizain Poetry Contest Poetry Contest
sponsored by Sotto Poet
written on 10/18/22
what some people apparently think when you say, "God bless you!" :-)
Categories:
belched, blessing, dark,
Form:
Dizain
Twas the night before Christmas
And try as I may
I’d never be done
By the break of next day.
The stockings weren’t hung
Hell, they weren’t even knit
And the children in bed?
No, they’re throwing a fit!
And me in my kerchief
And Kmart house coat
Was testing a Holiday
Ice Cream-tini float.
When what to my
Bloodshot eyes should appear
But my absentee husband
With two cases of beer!
His eyes, how they glistened
His laughter, how scary
His walk was zig zag
His nose a red cherry!
He spoke not a word
(We last spoke in ought-eight)
But climbed up in my trailer
Like I’d cigs on rebate.
Then laying a finger
Inside of his nose
He belched and he farted
And took off his clothes.
But I heard him exclaim
‘Ore passing out for the night,
“Merry Christmas to All!
Can I have Newport Lite?”
November 28, 2018
Categories:
belched, christmas, funny, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
I turned the key,
pressed the gas pedal.
The motor belched
the starter grated.
“No. Not today!
I can’t be late.
I’m teaching the class.
I have to be there!”
Our three-year-old
piped up from the back seat,
“Try it again, Mom.”
The motor coughed, caught,
settled to a steady purr.
My little two-cylinder Fiat,
slow, but steady as she goes,
took me everywhere.
Again, from the back seat,
“I knew it would start, Mom.
I prayed.”
Categories:
belched, child, faith,
Form:
Narrative
On the edge of metropolitan midnight
he lays in a breathless silence
rasping the evanescing yesterdays to his windows
both open and locked,
while the unknowing below in stale smoke barrooms,
wait to sear his wounds and retell his life
in putrefied requiem.
Abashed metropolis
echoing of muted voices once adorning the streets
in practiced synthetic ritual,
the vile awash and seeping through asphalt cracks,
the scent of rot, old and new, smattered on old brick edifices
silences the ascending smoke plumes
belched from and within dirtied concrete towers,
the final endeavor from within a dying mans spirit
reaching out to no one
City’s voice wails from the antechamber in darkness
anxieties fracturing the panes amongst the downtown fire
of urban panic
lucidity congealing away within him, kept only in the moment
by metronome dripped medicine
exposing him to his damp streets, dirtied culverts, sewer ditches
chemically induced and maintained.
Fighting for his identity within this sterilized chaos,
whispering for the few of open mind somewhere below the window sill,
quicky stepping onward, over his newsprint life,
calling out one last time
There he lays in cold white sterility,
calling silently to his windows, both opened and locked,
watching his stories catch and fade in the dull humid streetlight
wisped away on steam grate stale winds,
the dying soul, eyes closed, his aged lined face
muddied, scraped, and walked over,
through the grime of progression left on sullied pavement.
Categories:
belched, death, loss, mystery, philosophyold,
Form:
Free verse
It was the "Old West" and the town dusty
When in on his horse came a galloper named Rusty.
He ran into the saloon and shouted aloud
"Big Red's a Comin'" ... which stunned the crowd.
They started to disappear as quick as they could
Big Red's reputation dictated they should.
So out the windows and out the doors
Like an open floodgate the men just poured.
The only one left was the fella who tended the bar
Too scared to move, he just stood thar.
Then, very slowly a huge figure came ridin' up the street
Ridin' a Buffalo, big boots and spurs on his feet.
He looked like a meanun' Big Six Guns at his side
He didn't use a saddle, to ride that Buffalo Hide.
He wore a sombrero to shade his eyes
The black scruff of a beard fit his face and his size.
He had bandoliers of bullets crossed o'er both shoulders
And he looked like with one hand he could move boulders.
He busted the doors off their hinges as he strode in
Walked up to the bar, where the barkeep wasn't movin'.
"Gimme a Whisky", he barked in his way
The barkeep couldn't move, or even a word did he say.
"I SAID GIMME A WHISKY" again came the bellow
As he grabbed the barkeep, a right dainty fellow.
Off the walls he bounced him and off the ceiling too
Then threw him back behind the bar for his work to get to.
The barkeep put up a bottle which he grasped in his paw
Broke the neck on the bar and guzzled its contents as the barkeep watched in awe.
He didn't stop drinkin' 'till the bottle was empty with whisky not a trace
Put his sleeve up to his mouth and wiped the drops off his face.
He belched once or twice as he looked around
Then turned to the barkeep when he heard the sound.
"D..d..do Y..y..you want a..another" asked the barkeep's frail voice
The Big Man looked at him as if there were no choice.
"No...I gotta be goin'", he said in dismay
"I heard that 'BIG RED' was headin' this way"!
Categories:
belched, cowboy-western, funny, imagination
Form:
Couplet
Well said, my poetically challenged friend...
Your insight is deep and telling of your sage,
Even if I can not understand your poetic wage,
Tell us more of your triumphs and travels,
And don't leave out the blotter and gavels,
For it is your frailty which entices,
The calling of the soul,
And unlocking of the mind...
For when we read of your glorious battle,
And become the fodder of which you prattle,
Remember that these are the days,
We relished the great dreams you gave,
Soon you will be left to your own devices,
Karma so apropos,
Balancing over time...
Then with great pride I will be able to say,
That I once met a poet untamed,
A free verse poet like you who has belched,
With nonconforming musings, true and heartfelt,
Oh what great cost the poets price is,
Always watching yet always alone,
All to capture truth sublime,
Again well said, my poetically challenged friend!
Categories:
belched, adventure, angst, confusion, funny,
Form:
Narrative
Once, I was trapped behind a dump truck.
It moved like a slug with black lung.
Belched an awful noise.
Tossing gravel like a widower tosses tears...
Every time a piece struck my grill.
I'd wince and duck like a stray dog cowering.
Before a steel toed world.
I said a little pray for my 10-year-old car.
It was a long road but it was finally over.
The belching ceased.
The devil truck going one way I the other.
A pretty sunset was underway...
The next morning, I checked for damage.
A few chips and some small scrapes.
I slowly straightened up.
The moment felt quite blessed.
and I smiled.
Categories:
belched, life,
Form:
Free verse
because…
the hardware store
owner smirked
when he collected
my money order
to pay the utility bill
to get the lights turned
back on.
because…
I slept on a worn out
mattress on the floor,
in a bedroom shared
with my older brother
who brutalized me for
sport, in a trailer on the
edge of a sugar beat field.
because…
I was so naïve as a
teenage boy that I was
completely ignorant of a
product called deodorant,
that I often wondered why
people who weren’t being
polite, usually gave me a
wide berth.
because…
on the school bus one day,
a friend from ninth grade,
David Fullington, said:
“hey Dan, everyone says you smell…
and I say-like crap he does!”
because…
I would lay on my mattress
at night and hear the legions
of mice scampering across
the aluminum ceiling and
between the walls of the trailer
on the edge of a sugar beat field.
because…
of all of the mouse turds
I would have to brush off
my clothes in my underwear
drawer when I was getting
dressed for school.
that is why,
when I was thirteen,
I discovered a mouse
trapped neck deep in an
open can of Crisco
sitting beside a sink full
of dirty dishes.
looking up at me,
with black dots for eyes,
and his nose twitching,
struggling to free himself,
but hopelessly mired
in the can of lard fat.
that I gulped down
the last of my Pepsi Cola
in the 16 ounce heavy,
greenish glass bottle,
and used the blunt end
to plunge the mouse under
for good to die a death of
torment and suffocation
in it’s Crisco grave.
and then
I belched loudly.
Categories:
belched, angst, childhood, teen, me,
Form:
Free verse
We have lived a false life, you and I,
Chasing halcyon dreams through chaos and despair;
We have ventured beyond the brink,
And only just returned – with weakened knees
And tremulous smiles, our hearts bruised anew
In clandestine partnership we defied the gods,
Breached life’s stony contract, and delved,
Greedily, into Pandora’s box…
Like happy-go-lucky children together we forded the Styx,
Splashing like toddlers in a paddling pool,
Swallowing mouthfuls of strychnine like cough syrup
And at the charred gates we paid our sovereign dues,
So that we might be allowed in,
To that candy store of the damned and deviant,
Where at last we tasted it, the crumbled sugar dust of death;
Laced with a vaporous tang of bittersweet destruction –
What an addictive delight it was, what a charmer,
And yet such a fickle mistress…
Yet blithe as fools we ate it like air,
And belched our ruin into the grim abyss
But no surprise perhaps, perverted souls that we are,
We gloried in our self destruction,
For masochism runs in our veins like blood,
Leading us a merry marionette jig
Down all the pathways of Hell,
Through the Seven accursed Seals
And at last to the feet of the Devil himself
Where we kneel on scabbed knees and kiss his blackened feet
For us it is a party trick, a dance on burning embers,
With our demise hanging over our heads like a bleak piñata
Just waiting to be crushed between Satan’s obsidian thumbs
Oh fools you might call us, and you’d be right
Common sense we lack, a gaping hole between our liver and heart,
Yet daring we have a-plenty, bursting through our pores;
A mad light shines in our pin-needle eyes, we cackle like rooks,
And feast on death as vultures gorge themselves on reeking carrion
For in the end it all tastes the same, and the out come is always,
Unconditionally and irrevocably -
Death
Categories:
belched, angst, death, girlfriend-boyfriend
Form:
Free verse