Best Bathrobe Poems
As I wend my way around curving roads
up high into the mountains
I finally arrive at the Eight Gables Inn.
I wonder what it is that drives me here!
Perhaps I have developed wings
and flew across the Atlantic towards
The Great Smoky Mountains
on my adventurous ride
to the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Tired I hope the Inn
will live up to its reputation.
The sun is setting as I view
the purple orange skies darken,
whilst here and there lights
in desolate cottages twinkle in the dark.
I hasten to my private bath
and slowly sink in the warm water,
overpowered by the smell of soapy foams.
Pleased with my silky skin
I put on a plush bathrobe
luxuriously enjoying the feel
of the soft fabric against my spores,
and with a graceful dive find myself
on top of a feather-top bed.
This is the life of luxury...
Until I feel the taste of blotting paper
that cover my whole mouth.
I open my eyes and know
it was all a dream, alas.
Categories:
bathrobe, adventure, appreciation,
Form:
Free verse
Santa Claus so creepy and weird
Neon pink bathrobe, mask cracked and yellowed beard
On his left arm my dad`s clock, so strange - we feared
Mom just smile and laugh, dad in the bathroom - afterwards he reappeared
22.11.2015
- Anne-Lise Andresen :)
Categories:
bathrobe, childhood, christmas, fun,
Form:
Rhyme
The Mother-in-Law at the Door
By Elton Camp
The doorbell’s ring brings Sue to the door
A quick peek shows one she’s seen before
It is her mother-in-law standing out there
Come without calling, how does she dare
This isn’t the first time she’s pulled that trick
Having her visit today makes Sue feel sick
It is in her ragged bathrobe that she’s dressed
From end-to-end, the house is quite messed
While Mother Roberts is wearing a new suit
Even at her age, she looks very prim and cute
Her white gloves show what Sue does fear
To make an inspection is why she is here
She can already almost hear her sneer
“My son is in a dilemma, I greatly fear.”
“As a child, he liked things neat and clean.
My dear, I hope you understand what I mean.”
“When I think of the girls he might have wed,
It causes an ache right in the front of my head.”
Sue quietly slipped into the closet to hide
And left Mother Roberts standing outside
Categories:
bathrobe, funny, mother, , cute,
Form:
Rhyme
The clues are there.
The notes.
The writing.
The phone numbers.
The calendar.
Especially the calendar
holding all the secrets
of what was done and will be done.
He is bent over the cubby-holed desk,
slippers, flannel bathrobe,
searching through the familiar
and seeing only the hidden,
the missing,
the opaque.
The crime?
Something stolen, precious
and worse,
it is just out of sight,
next to the words,
the notes, the writing,
the calendar.
Especially the calendar.
So obvious the number,
the day,
yet not now the season.
He finds her worried face again
and continues.
All those around him
keep it from him-
the secret is-
nothing is gone,
nothing was done.
The detective searches
for himself in the clues
of unravelling time.
Categories:
bathrobe, father,
Form:
Free verse
Using the snow spade to once again clear out the driveway,
I couldn't help but notice the lights that shimmered all day,
twinkling at me from the sunlight playing off of the snow,
giving the silver sparkling look of the fresh snow a certain glow,
During my repetitive shoveling I caught a glimpse of,
the gold ornaments I had hung on the tree in my front yard,
with the shiny icicles hanging down from my quaint log cabin house,
causing my love of the beautiful scenery to become aroused,
Continual shoveling made me break out in a sweat,
I knew pretty soon I would need to get some rest,
the snow drifts by my house getting higher each day,
with my dog running around in it wanting to play,
At least the snow flakes had somewhat let up,
as I grabbed my thermos and drank some hot chocolate from my cup,
suddenly it felt like there was an earthquake like shaking again,
as I watched all the snow flakes fall down blizzard like with disdain,
Wanting to go in my warm house and lounge around in my bathrobe,
instead I had to put on a winter Christmas picturesque show,
with the giant lifting me and my property up in the air,
I grabbed my dog and held onto my front porch railing with a certain stunt woman flair,
Used to this topsy-turvey world my dog and I lived in,
I saw the giant look at me with a big wide toothy grin,
like two mannequins my dog and I quickly struck a Norman Rockwell pose,
while the giant grabbed the remote and gently put down the snow globe.
12-1-16
Categories:
bathrobe, snow, winter,
Form:
Light Verse
“Seriously,” the comedienne rasps: “can we talk about coffee?!”
The palms of my feet grind the beans in my sleep.
My bathrobe ties dangle, my hair’s unbrushed.
Can of spinach don’t do much, but caffeine aroma lifts me up.
The tilt wand opens my eyes, i can barely see through the slats
Sweet savory cream kisses my Olive Oil lips, Popeye laughs,
“A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!”
After two gallons, the pull cord opens the theatrical blinds, full strength.
Kim Rodrigues © 2017
Popeye and Olive Oil are cartoon characters created by Elzie Crisler Segar
Categories:
bathrobe, drink, humor, morning,
Form:
Free verse
Bubbles floating in the air
Warm bath water have no care
Bathrobe strewn down on the floor
Here let me, I'll close the door
Lavender bathbomb lathers nice
Scent of springtime, don't think twice
I'll bring you more champagne on ice
Then light your clove to add some spice
Categories:
bathrobe, for her, romance, romantic,
Form:
Rhyme
I look for a sign.
If I could see His footprints,
or some honest to God relics,
like a lock of His hair
or the ring He wore.
If the LaBrae Tar pit were filled
with haloes and harps
perhaps,
I could believe.
If there was a place like Graceland
where I could
touch His bathrobe and bedroom slippers,
Then,
my faith
wouldn’t have to be
so blind.
Categories:
bathrobe, bible, desire, devotion, inspiration,
Form:
Blank verse
My wife was in the hospital with a condition rather severe,
Her mother came to care for our son so I could visit her there.
After several days and a few long nights I suddenly needed a break
And headed home late one night for a dip in the hot tub to take.
We live in the Pacific Northwest so you know it was rainy and wet,
But with the hot tub being outside it hasn’t stopped me yet.
I didn’t want the towel to get soaked so I hung it over the chair,
And tiptoed across the deck completely and utterly bare.
Now, our back door locks with a bolt or by the handle on the door;
My wife and I only use the bolt and never used the handle before.
I forgot there was a stranger in the house who didn’t know our usual ways,
So I guess telling you I was locked outside is something I don't need to say.
The guest room is in front and she didn’t hear me from the back;
Around the house I had to trek so on her window I could tap.
Our backyard is very private so skinny dipping is our usual norm
The front of the house, not so much, a bathrobe I wished I had worn.
My mother-in-law got quite the sight when she opened the door
I don’t think we have to worry about her visiting us any more
My wife is now fine and back at home recovering oh so well
And about three thousand times a day this story she likes to tell.
True story that just happened about 2 months ago.
Categories:
bathrobe, funnyhouse, wife, home, home,
Form:
Rhyme
She runs down the street in her bathrobe and curlers,
With the big flower prints peering in the neighbors windows,
She has nothing else better to do than to get in others business,
Acting like she owns the block, the other neighbors can't stand this,
If a dog barks she's calling the cops,
She's also knocking on your door reminding you to mow your lawn,
I thank her, smile politely, and slam the door,
I hope she got the hint this time, Lord.
Categories:
bathrobe, humorous, pain,
Form:
Light Verse
Monday Morning
When I opened the kitchen door the fridge
had an attack of the shakes then feel into
dejected stillness which bayed in my ears.
To break this force of nothingness I spoke
and sounded like a wounded duck and
the beer bottle held in a clammy hand fell
with a foamy splash on the floor; wordless
fear. Why me?
The fridge rattled again but there was
nothing of worth on its shelves other than
bacon, eggs, cheese. Stop, I feel sick.
Turned on the tap and fat maggots dripped
into my glass, that too ended on the floor;
fled, outside people starred at me because
I was dressed in a red bathrobe with Hotel
Astor stamped on the back.
Copyright © Jan Oskar Hansen
Categories:
bathrobe, funny, recovery from..., satire,
Form:
Blank verse
In my World of Yuletide Contentment,
My mind wanders and loses sight of all current memory.
I lay back flat while flying through the full fresh air of aged time
Thinking of Christmases long preserved for the purpose of
Personal Therapy.
All the time the buttons dissipate.
Every moment the touch screens recreate.
Wishes become emotional rescues.
Genuine laughter magically appears at its most grand and best cue.
As I sit in a little corner avoiding the typical kisses from the limelight,
I consume myself under the Mystical Mistletoe of Imagery and let it all kiss my blissless blues away.
The light festivals in my mind inspire candy cane smiles too sweet and spicy to ignore.
Then she comes….so Peaceful in her bathrobe of Serenity.
She teases me to teardrops that fall like a pebble toad escaping a predator.
Everything seems so Retro Better.
All darkness’ nucleuses are drained with the warm ignition of a Love long deferred.
Now when I express joy, she adds decorative ornamentations of Sassafras Sunshine.
Resurrected Tradition is the warm cocoa for my tinged soul.
I begin to Remember Me when Bountiful Flavors of Zest were freely skinny dipping from the Spirit within me.
I am blind to modernization’s sleeperhold cutting off the oxygen and blood supply to my personal effervescence.
Newly Inspired, I begin to celebrate.
However, just as soon as the festivities start,
The alarm of reality rains down on my snow angel creation.
A new, but routine, poetic emotion in motion clocks in and begins to construct.
Nevertheless, what remains is the buttercream taste of Her Saving Grace.
She leaves with me a Recipe of Merriment for next year.
Inspired, I refuel….exponentially excited in Wait….
Categories:
bathrobe, december, seasons,
Form:
Free verse
You can take an agency tour
Or a cruise to somewhere exotic.
You can cram onto buses and trains
Or sway on a camel hypnotic.
You can stand on your toes in a group
And try to see o’er the crowd,
To possibly glimpse Mona Lisa
Or hear, though the noise is so loud.
Instead of coming home tired
And set for a week in your bed
Travel the way that’s relaxing
And see more and hear more instead.
I’ve traveled the high Himalayas,
Seen mountains and valleys galore
Trudged with the yaks and porters-
No frostbite, no blizzards, no sores.
From ocean to ocean I’ve wandered
Seen whales and dolphins at play,
Walked in Australia’s Red Center
Without face nets to keep flies away.
I’ve learned much about native people,
Their customs, their habits and lore.
I’ve even been south to Antarctica
And oh, to so many sites more.
And all of this time I was sitting
In my living room lounging chair,
Dressed in pajamas and bathrobe
With books piled around in my lair.
My armchair’s a magical carpet
That whisks me wherever I wish
No planes or lines of security
Just a turn of a page and –whish!
Categories:
bathrobe, books, fantasy, imagination,
Form:
Rhyme
A woman says to her dentist, “Don't know what's worse
Having a tooth pulled or having a baby”
Dentist says, “Must adjust the chair to make us more comfortable
So make up your mind, got others waiting”
A Chinese couple had a black baby, named it Sum Ting Wong
Are you giggling and peeing your kimono
Ever wonder what two-headed snakes think of each other
They certainly are aware of each other's aroma
If you have to open your bathrobe, after eating
Need to eat less, meals are much too vast
A month before he died, Uncle Jim covered his back in lard
A month later he slid downhill really fast
Addicted to the hokey pokey till I turned myself around
Hurt my head and banged it all about
Found out adrenalin was brown when I bought a motorbike
Betcha knew I was an old geezer no doubt
My tennis foe didn't like my serve, always kept returning it
Hit one he couldn't reach, friends no more
Gave up my standup routine, people kept laughing at me
Decided to be serious got accolades galore
If your girlfriend starts smoking, just slow down a bit
Or perhaps use a lubricant of some sort
Why can't two Asians have a white baby do you think
Coz two Wongs don't make a white in short
Who is the most popular guy in a nudist colony would you say
One who can carry two coffees and 6 donuts
Working as a teller, a woman asked me to check her balance
Pushed her over, quite unsteady for a grown up
Categories:
bathrobe, fun,
Form:
Rhyme
The strong, blistering wind cuts through my leather jacket...
I huddle to keep the cold at bay...
Three months ago I was cursing the sun, beating it back behind the clouds; wishing for a cool November day...
She was here and animated when the sweat poured down my shirt, and the air conditioning was broken...
When the leaves began to fall, she packed her sweaters and left without a word being spoken...
We used to laugh at our ridiculous plights... We slept with three fans on those summer nights...
Now the furnace is on the fritz, as I shiver by the open oven; mismatched sweat suit and a bathrobe; what a laughable sight...
You couldn't wait to leave until springs leaves began to bud?
You had to leave me standing here in the chaos and the mud?
I know that being with me was really getting kinda old...
But did you have to leave me naked; shaking in the cold?
Categories:
bathrobe, absence, angst, loss,
Form:
Free verse