Best Bash Poems
I was working in the Capitol late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
Nancy Pelosi began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
She did the bash
She did the Samoan bash
She did the bash
It was a liberal smash
She did the Bash
It gave me a rash
She did the bash
She did the Samoan Bash
She denied American Samoa minimum wage
Somebody left her out of her cage
She could care less, no conscience found
So Star Kist stock didn’t go down
She did the bash
She did the Samoan Bash
She did the Bash
It was a liberal smash
She did the bash
It was her husband’s flash
She did the bash
She did the Samoan bash.
Now all is peaceful in socialist land
As we watch our retirement sink in the sand
You have to give the devil her due
When she’s done shafting them
She’ll shaft me and you too.
She did the bash
She did the Samoan bash
She did the bash
Now they have no cash
She did the bash
She believes we’re all trash
She did the bash
She did the Samoan bash.
This verse was inspired by "The Monster Mash" which wasn't near as scary as
Congress and the former Speaker of the House
Just when they thought the house was pristine
They were blinded by flashes, purple and green
A psychedelic flare shot up through the roof
Then crashed back down with a loud, smoky POOF!
It hissed and it fizzled in the middle of the room
They all backed away from the kaleidoscopic plume
But before they could leave there was an almighty flash
Then an explosion that ended in an ear-banging crash
When the smoke cleared they all looked around
The house had been razed all the way to the ground
The cat's fur was singed, the furniture was dust
The guest's clothes were blackened, their expressions nonplussed
The goblin was fizzing, the ogre displeased
"Well this was a disaster!" the scorched elves teased
The fairy was frowning at her charred, blackened wings
Whilst the pixies were playing in the soot, of all things
Suddenly the witch burst into pained tears
This debacle had confirmed her very worst fears
She'd never tried to have a birthday party before
And after today, she wouldn't try to any more
Her sobs were so desperate, so sad, so forlorn
That her friends felt quite guilty for showing such scorn
They each gave her a hug and said not to fret
The party wasn't done; at least not yet!
"You see," said the wizard, "the house might be charred,
But we can always continue in your perfect back yard
The witch looked at her friends with hope in her eyes
And felt the cloud of despair beginning to rise
"Do you mean it?" she asked, her tears drying up
"Yes," they all smiled, "let's get it set up!"
They used all of their skills and magical tricks
To create a new party; it was really quite slick
Then for the finale the ogre did bake
An amazingly huge strawberry cake
The witch blew out the candles and made her wish
Before sampling the cake, which was simply delish!
She looked at her friends, her smile so bright
"I'm so lucky to have you, you're all a delight!"
The beamed at the praise too touched to respond
And nobody noticed the still sparking wand...
Vlad Putin was dealing with state affairs
On his way back he skidded down the stairs
You could smell the foul gas
Cos' he ruptured his a.s.s
No get well wishes because nobody cares.
He'd fallen over and broke his a.s.s. bone
A guard rushed over when he heard a moan
Hard luck you commie jerk
Cos' it's karma at work
Start praying now for your sins and atone
Written on 2nd December 2022.
I bash in mirrors, now I see
Demolish the wine glass, now I hear
Kicked in all doors, now I'm safe
Broke all the windows, now I breathe
And, gave you to many chances
Now I see
Now I hear
Now I'm safe
Now I breathe
I demolish, kicked, broke and gave you to many chances
Now I'm Done
Let’s throw a big spectacular bash.
And party with a smash and some flair.
Then we can grow a sexy moustache.
And party on our face with some hair.
Maybe we should just have a ball.
And party with black tie and a coat.
Then we can all just go out on a trawl.
And party with the waves on a boat.
How about we all hold a crazy riot.
And party with a shout and a scream.
Then we can all just be really quiet.
And party by ourselves in our dream.
Dolly answered, "I'm just a little
Fatigued, I'm ok though. I
Think I should lie down. Molly
Followed Dolly to the master
Bedroom upstairs. Dolly
Confessed her heart To Molly
"Molly I love Damian soo much.
He is my whole life now.
Where was
I before I met him. I don't know.
My life Will never be the same."
"There's no going back to my
Former life. I don't remember
How I used to be. Molly I'm
Excited and scared at the
Same time. I'm about to be a
Mother and a wife. Well I'll
Try and get some sleep for now".
Molly stayed with her while
She fell asleep. "He's my
Happiness, Molly." Dolly said
Drifting off.
Molly left Dolly sleeping
In the room. She met Damian on
The stairs. "Is She still sleeping?
He wanted to know. Can you
Stay with her then wake
her up in another
30 minutes, they all
Want to give her their presents."
Molly returned to the room
And layed down with Dolly.
She felt compassion for her twin.
She was in over her head with
Damian. He Was forcing her
to grow up.
Downstairs Damian's father
Searched for him. He found
Damian just as he was about
To disappear into the crowd.
"Hey Damian, glad I caught up
To you",he said pulling Damian
Into a den in the wide hallway.
His father started his speech.
"Since you're in school I know
That means you have financial
Concerns." Damian explained
"Yeah, true. But we are trying
And it's hard." Carter Hakim
Removed his check book from
His jacket pocket saying, "here
Let me relieve your burden."
The realty mogul wrote his
Son a check for $120,000.
Damian was very pleased to
See the amount. "Aah. Thanks
Dad! I appreciate this so much."
He hugged his father tightly and
Vigorously shook his Hand. He
Thought he would deposit the
Check ASAP. Carter Hakim
Patted Damian on his back and
Said "Congratulations you'll
Make a fine father and good
Husband for your young
Family."
Need A Bash with Frost and Nash
While through ocean some smooth whale sails
Can people count all of the protruding scales
When whale so wisely went swimming by;
Have you ever seen one when ha was dry?
God granted a whale with a big, long tail
So swimming is be easy and never did fail
To find his way wherever he eventually goes;
If he's not a she should not say there she blows.
What if things were to require a confession
To God so He can answer our every question
And what if whale landed in my clean room
Would this make my mother fuss and fume.
James Truly Hilarious Thesarious Horn
Retired Veteran
A dash and small splash of Nash or why
does a hit have to many things smash?
We've been having a "Bash Santa" week, but I wrote limericks this morning about Putin breaking his tailbone. So, Tom suggested we have a "Bash Putin" week. Here are three more from me. Please join in bashing that dastardly demon if you wish.
That Evil Putin fell down and hurt his tushy
He swore, "It was one of my bodyguards pushed me!"
Not wanting to be blamed
For he was so ashamed
That he had to change his pants cuz they were gooshy
It was on his darn keister that Putin landed
I'm going to be honest and very candid
He was chasing a skirt
When the scumbag got hurt
While being frisky with her, he was caught red-handed
Now he can't sit in a chair on his derriere
Cuz that lowlife tried to ruin the innocent, Claire
It's his tailbone he broke
His neck I'd like to choke
He's worse than Hitler, the annihilator Herr
Written by Jenna Logan
V. Putin has fallen on his tush
Pity was not in a thorny bush
Put him on a chain gang
Better yet, let him hang
Then let us have in Russia a putsch!
Arrogant Putin's butt is sore
Love this special news, tell us more
The ass is hurtin'
The world is certain
Putin needs to be shown the door.
Written by L. Milton Hankins
Putin is a fascist like Hitler, no doubt
That's what he really is all about
He fell on his a.r.s.e
Emitting methane garse
And learned it's three Reichs you're out!
Putin to his guards was accusatory
So let us embellish on that story
Shoved down from his thrown
Cracked his smug coccyx bone
This tail-ends his self-proclaimed glory
Written by Robert Gorelick
Vlad Putin was dealing with state affairs
On his way back he skidded down the stairs
You could smell the foul gas
Cos' he ruptured his a.s.s
No get well wishes because nobody cares.
He'd fallen over and broke his a.s.s. bone
A guard rushed over when he heard a moan
Hard luck you commie jerk
Cos' it's karma at work
Start praying now for your sins and atone
Written by Tom Cunningham
Grandma Gertie's grandson's getting married
Though Grandma looks like she's a bit harried
Hey, Grandma, just chill out
No need to cry or pout
New frying pan's for FOOD! -- Why you worried?!
Damian watched her with a
Small smile spreading across
His face. She stood on the bed
in front of Him. Complex crucible
Calculations collected volcanic
Explosive combustions.
That was all There was.
They had one Another in
Succulent successive
Orgasmic stimulation
The only word
That crossed his mind was
"Daamn." He fell to the bed
Pulling her on top of him.
She straddled him, one leg on
Each side.
"Delilah." He
Whispered her name in the
Twilight morning. Complex
Crucible calculated collected
Volcanic explosive combinations.
Continued.
They had one Another in and
Out of Succulent successive
Systematic orgasmic
Simulation for half the morning.
Dawn was a slow satisfaction
Which she was so strongly
And stately susceptible to.
"Yesss baby." She breathed
The words. Damian could
Only watch her in awe. While
He breathed deeply with long
Slow inhales and exhales.
Delilah was ecstatic and smiling
Pleased with herself and
Pleased with him.
I'll tell you a tale that's full of intrigue,
of a great singing contest that is in the first league.
Hosted by Sweden, the teams all appeared,
and the music and vocals were loved and revered.
Countries had voted, their acts were the best,
and they carried the honour at this musical fest.
Glitter and glitz was the name of the day,
and the ladies excelled themselves, I really must say.
Each act did perform, watched by millions, agog
and each sang their heart out, trying to be the top dog.
Some songs were great, and others not so,
but diversification is the name of the show.
Australia was leading being way out in front,
'til the peeople's vote changed, the whole battlefront.
Positions were moving with frightening speed,
as countries spoke out what their folks had decreed.
The favourites were lagging, the outsiders stormed through,
and poor Britain was left towards the end of the queue.
Russia was beaten, against all the odds,
as the mid europeans went against them in squads.
It's over again, for another long year,
but the joy of the winners brought many a tear.
Ukraine had the song that's the new figurehead,
But politics again, reared its ugly old head.
(Direction to the Venue)
I live on the Heartland Estate
Across from the Elysian Fields,
At the corner of Lovers Lane
and Pure Passion Boulevard
in the town of Romeoville.
If you are taking a midnight train
Get down at the Juliet Junction;
Catch a bus to the Breakheart pass
And get off at the Harem Heights stop.
You'll reach my Pleasure Palace
before the break of day.
Flying of course is not advised
As it is impossible to dodge
Cupid's arrows!
But if you are planning to drive,
Take the highway to Elysium.
You might have to stay
overnight at the Erotica Inn,
Famous for sensual stimulator Kiosks.
After some luscious nibblings
at the Casanova Cafe,
You'll arrive before lunch
at my enchanting Chateau.
Bring your lust luggage,
Loads of love potion and lots of charm.
Running amuck is strictly prohibited.
There will be plenty of time to cuddle
and coo at the Pleasure Point hill,
Loll in a pool of honey and wine,
And soak in the sensual glow
of a bohemian moon.
RSVP: A week shy of Valentine's Day
Or, please call 666-PASSION.
Crashed crush
Missed bash
For 'TWO LINES OF TWO SYLLABLES' by Brian Strand
Whole yard smells of beer
Thank goodness it’s once a year….
Drunks full of good cheer
noisemaker-favors
bright dunce cap, chin-snapstring
—plus one candle
blowout
with wrinkles, age spots
10/2/2021 (7th)