Demoralizing
Love is an addiction, I
Cannot escape you.
Killing me will not save you
Saving me will not kill you
Without a choice we’ll be stagnate forever.
We will never get out of this hell by just sitting there.
Now tap on the wall
Scream at me, just once, it's okay I promise.
But you don't save me and you only almost kill me.
Could we just be normal?
Do something to let me know you're not dead inside.
Your silence is deafening
My screaming doesn't make you move
Not even a twitch
Please say something
I don’t care if you hit me
Just let me know you're still in there.
Please mom, just let me know you're still there.
I can’t hold on much longer.
Your "I love you" is like a noose
And your touch is
a touch too cruel
You swore you'd treat me apple pie sweet
I should've tasted the cyanide
Known you were killing me
But now you're all stuck
In my lungs
Cigarette smoke
It's a slow choke
You'll never let me free or
Leave me alone
Goodbye love
I'm hanging up the phone
They aren't my family
Even though
we are related.
They are competitive
in a one man race.
They pretend to love you
Even though
I know it's fake.
Their actions
give them away.
They take and take and take
Even though
they are full.
They lack empathy
A vital tool.
I exist bound by you
like wildflowers planted pitilessly in dry soil
that plunder and devour the strength of my seeds
My stem grows pallid
My petals scentless and uninspiring
My roots withering in arid dust
strangled by weeds of apathy
Parched in the blight of callous care
Squandered in winds of insentient lies
That snare fire like fugitive arsons
Burning me with insensitivity to shrivel and sicken
As you beget your vanity with the strength
Of the Sun’s scalding degrees
So scarce the waters of your compassion
that scarcely feed my soul
I stand naked, bare and weak
in the barren home inside your pain
I cling harder to grip
As I wither in the dust of lonely casualty
Strangled and forfeited
I slowly die clenched in your fist of willful despair
trembling from your demise
As my unseeing love yields the compromise
May 24, 2023
Brian Strand Premier No. 1219 Poetry Contest
Wish I could vanish
into thin air
It's not like they see
the real me,
Like anyone does care
You, Just stay away
You telling me
your adoring lies
with fists yelling and
Spitting loves' sweet venom
Leaving me poisoned
and wanting to die
You turn away
and laugh your goodbye
Love turned to hate
Relationships to dust
My once vibrant colorful heart
corroded with red hateful rust
Just another reason to be stained and alone
and never again trust.
He was rage, ignoring light
His anger survived the darkest night
Stilling her dreams, her hopes, her belief
He abused her love – gave her tarnished grief
He was the shadow of doubt
That always spoke during a blowout
When his heavy wrath warred with her peace
Filling her with a fear that brought the town police
He was the man she’d once loved
Before his hand had hit and shoved
Concealing even the feelings she’d known
Complicating a joy that might have once grown
He was fear, failure and pain
His spirit poured out an awful rain
Destroying her faith, erasing even grace
That had soothed her heart with his embrace
Then, one day she finally went away
Leaving him to face the anger and dismay
He would never again know the love she had been
Giving him from the beginning, before he became so mean
You broke me
when I wanted to be free.
You broke me
more than anyone sees.
Trauma created loss,
I had to hit pause...
on life,
because continuing
hurt worse than a knife
to my chest,
you tried your best
to destroy me.
Your reach was further than it seemed,
you touched me
with ease.
You poisoned my soul,
you dug me a hole,
so down I fell
everyone could tell.
I felt like a sell out,
like I'm an alcoholic
and you're too stout.
So intense,
you're a true menace...
to society,
but you were my remedy
for so long.
I was so wrong
to trust you,
say it's not true,
how bad you tore me,
wide open
and planted a seed.
I screamed,
I tried to flee,
you held me down
and watched me bleed.
He was a raised hand,
Striking down his past.
Delivering sutures
To each of the futures
He touched.
Braying of donkeys
Echoing in his background.
A passing cloud,
Thundering loud
Smatterings of thought,
Like intermittent rain
On corrugated tin.
Ridges of grey matter
Rising, then falling
To the beat
Of felonious assault
,
Hard, soft meeting
Life, entering death
Arm in arm,
With rage.
I shall never forget the day he died
And how I felt deep down
In the pit of my stomach
A complex man does not excuse
Or explain how he treated me.
Abusive fathers remain for a lifetime
Never going away
Leaving scars in the mind
That seldom entirely hide themselves
But emerge from time to time
To hurt again.
I shall never forget the day we buried him
My siblings shed copious tears
And mourners, who did not understand,
Wondered why I was dry-eyed
But, I cried a million tears inside.
I am at the midst;
A the way she so insist;
Adrift your sarcasms;
This jaunt reaction;
I’m sorely displeased;
On how you verbally abuse me;
Alas you’re not raising a baby;
I’m a grown man, I know what I am;
12/23/19
Written by James Edward Lee Sr.©2019
Vaasokht verse
such a woman loved
before hater of men's sleeps
out of passionate
no longer interested in men
abused, misused abandon
now she's just happy
out of passion now
being a single woman
now she is happy
5/12/19
Abusive Words
2016
Most people hold to the belief that you,
“Say whatever you want to hurt a person as long as you apologize later”
While knowing it’s like a judge instructing a jury to
“Disregard that last statement”
Tom
I cry for my mother
because that voice, which is like a shear,
presses its blade unto her skin—
drip — gore oozes from the wound; she doesn’t shed a tear,
but i feel it within.
that voice, which is like a shark,
sinks its teeth around her head—
slowly enough to hear the crunch of her skull,
But i feel it instead.
That voice, which is like a noose,
tightens its rope around her throat—
not even a whisper gets loose,
feeling it too, I’m choked.
I cry for my mother
because that voice used to belong to her lover
but now it cuts her and she suffers,
I wish for a father who loves and loves her
Do it have to take violence for me to stay with you?
or is violence all you know?
Do you see me as a puppet?
just play with the strings whenever you like?
or your just scared of being alone.
Did you forget you feel pain like me?
did you forget you have feelings like me?
do you really think I'm so inferior to you?
or do you denied the truth?
beneath those evil ways;
your weak at heart an feel inferior to the world.
Your just a fool,
with meaningless morals,
your so pathetic,
your making yourself suffer.
Continue playing god,
continue having that smirk on your face,
live the life full of regrets,
that won't show you no mercy.
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