Violence Humorous Poems | Violence Poems About Humorous

These Violence Humorous poems are examples of Violence poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Violence Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Light Poetry | |


Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch you name
Him:Yellow, but my friends call me Yell

Me: Say again? I’m somewhat hearing impaired 
Him: Yellow!! But my friends call me Yell!!

Me: There’s certainly no need to YELL at me sir
Him: Son of a…I said Yellow!! But my friends ca...

Me: Ahh, I see, so you’re a yellow fellow then?
Him: Okay whatever, yeah, I’m a yellow fellow

Me: Well, there’s nothing at all to be afraid of sir
Him: You givin’ me a BAD case of the red-ass here!

Me: A red Ass? Might I suggest that you dye it y...
Him:You and me are fixin’ to visit the hospital bud!

Me: Well, I’m certainly no doctor but it could be jaundice
Him:You’re gonna NEED a doctor, you yellow bellied…

Me: Sir, I'm certain that my abdomen is flesh toned, see?
Him: Oh lordy me! Pull your FREEKIN’ shirt back d....
Me: By the way, do you remember that song Mellow Yel…
Him: (Slam-Bam-Ooof!!)---Pretty sure its Donovan, right?

Me: No hir, my name ih NOH Donovan, ih’s Him Ryerson
Him: Gonna make me do this AGAIN? (more slam-bam-ooof)

Me: Excuse me hir, it heems I’ve fallen and cannoh geh up
Him: Call Life Alert and tell them you need a dentist...

* Edited and extended version of a previous post
Dedicated to the VERY talented poet Monterey Sirak whose contest this poem placed in...Thanks Monterey!

Copyright © Tim Ryerson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Batman And Robin


Batman and Robin hit the Joker
But their blow was only a croaker
The Joker hit back
But instead hit Jack
Who said "I'm glad, the Joker's an smoker!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000


Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |


You know why I run game? It's 'cause I'm a player
I'm the night in shining armor, she's a dragon, I'm gon' slay her
That means when I beat it up, I'm gonna kill it
Tell her keep our business to herself, don't spill it
Can't follow directions, then it's on to the next
Hope you get the message, not talking 'bout a text

I sleep with more chicks than a night-gown

Without 'em I'm like a sentence with no noun

For those who don't know that means incomplete

It's a race to get 'em first, I gotta' compete

They wanna be on the team, tryin' to make the cut

True player, show no feelings, keep 'em in a shell, walnut

Females fill my atmosphere, they mean the world to me

I got damsels galore, it's always plural with me

Got gangs of chicks, which one should I bang

They're steady in my face, sort of like some bangs

Hate when they try to lock me down, I'm not in jail

She starts talking 'bout marriage, then I'm gonna bail

Sometimes I need my space, like a vacant lot

I hate being congested, like a nose filled with snot

Hey, stop bugging me, you startin' to act like a knat

Before you go, give me head, I need it like a hat

Copyright © Arcene Janvier | Year Posted 2013

Details | Couplet | |

A peach and a speech

The bigger/the richer/the faster the peach, 
the better the chance to catch up someone's speech.

Volodymyr Knyr

Copyright © Volodymyr Knyr | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme | |


No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards
No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards

It's a dirty world, but my heat's considered hand sanitizer

Made my dreams become reality, I'm not a big 'fanisizer'

My trap got cheese, but I'm trying to keep away rats

Life's a gamble, take a chance, like playing craps

Time to take you to school, and money's the topic

Smokin' on Jamaica helps me focus, I keep something tropic

Cash rules everything 'round me and it's in my pocket

That means I'm in control, if this was a plane, I'm in the cockpit

I'm a hustler, got more bricks than a construction site

I stay fresh, I'm flyer than a first-class flight

By any means necessary, hard times call for drastic measures

Get in my way, and get buried like pirate's treasures

Never see me fold, it's like I got the winning hand in Poker

I'm more dangerous than cancer in the lungs of a smoker

Talk crazy, catch a hook, how's that for a punchline

Show me the competition, I call that lunch-time

Copyright © Arcene Janvier | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme | |

Your having a giraffe

Just a normal Sunday sitting on my chair
When all of sudden in walked my auntie uncle Claire

What the hell you doing barging in like that??
He said your not going fu**ing believe it? I just ran over your Cat

I said the only pussy in this house is my other half,
We played a few drinking games and i beat him at charades
He soon ad enough of that tho so i  pulled out deck cards then he stared moaning reckon the games i play are hard.

Well i had enough of his lip i couldn't take no more
so rubbed his face on cheese grater and now hes bloody sore.

Copyright © Lisa Costigan | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme | |

I Got a Gat

I got a gat
that's badder than yours
My rat-a-tat-tat
makes a whole lot of noise
My metal numbers,
whether big or small,
can outperform yours
in the streets or at the mall
I can go big
like a 357 Mag cannon
I can go small
like a 9 mil 'Retta soul getta
I got a gat,
my gat's badder than yours
It makes a mean rat-a-tat-tat
that stops all of the noise
If you wanna meet my gat,
and my gat wanna meet yours
It's okay,
just set the time
Corral your crew,
and I'll get mine
Then start the party blast,
and see who will win
Lets whittle down the cast
to the last man standing 
I got a gat
that badder than yours
My rat-a-tat-tat
makes a whole lot of noise
I got a gat
that leaves a silent smoke trail
My rat-a-tat-tat
sends 'em all blazing straight to hell

Copyright © Freddie Robinson Jr. | Year Posted 2016

Details | Quintain (English) | |


Why do I drink coffee?
It always makes me poo. 
And when I smell that steaming turd, 
it makes me think of you. 

As you float there in the water, 
I like to think you’re dead. 
I pretend that I have killed you, 
that I pinched off your head. 

Copyright © Ryan Graham | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme | |

Murder, In The First Degree

He went to a public library that's quiet and free; 
And was arrested for murder,  in the first degree; 

Inside the library, there was a book to find, 
Slowly he approached his victim, an ol' woman who's kind; 

Close to her backside, he stood lurking behind, 
Little ol' granny was reading and paid him no mind; 

The quick use of his weapon caused her to drop dead on the spot, 
It was the eyeball witness who saw, that's how he got caught; 

The jury must now see the weapon t'was horribly used, 
But the killer tried to hide his nose and loudly refused; 

Now her death that came from his loud sharp sneeze, 
Made her heart quickly stop, quiver, and seize; 

So his hands were shackled and the murder weapon was viewed, 
The jury gasped loudly for air, outraged was their mood; 

Soon after his shnozzle was clearly depicted, 
The jury was unanimous, ... they quickly convicted.

Copyright © Tony Sampson | Year Posted 2006

Details | Grook | |

A Nation zzz's

Butterflies and chickens                                                                                                                                                                     who knows, Maybe                                                                                                                                                                 the next catch phrase

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2016