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Violence Humorous Poems | Violence Poems About Humorous

These Violence Humorous poems are examples of Violence poems about Humorous. These are the best examples of Violence Humorous poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Light Poetry |

Acting American

Frankie boy, go get my gun
Here comes those 
pitchfork carrying citizens

They’re so scary angry and uninformed
Holding torches, they plan on 
doing more than burn crosses on our lawn

Frankie boy, load up the old shotgun
Time to send those
trespassing rabble rousers on the run

Lead pellets gonna spray paint the yard
Red is the color
of the devil’s favorite corpse calling card

Frankie boy, tap the trigger on the gun
Time for us to start blending in ...
acting American

Tap the hair trigger on the gun again
Assimilating more metal violence
will make us double blessed American

Frankie boy, you’re my only son
Time to teach you
the wisdom of the smoking gun

See all of those jackrabbits run
Some got unlucky feet,
now they’re dead and done

Frankie boy, cool the gun barrel’s hot metal skin
It’s a frosty good start to blending in ...
acting like real Americans

Frankie boy, I loved you since day one
Go gather the cadavers,
the lightning is soon gonna come

Time for you to have some brothers and sisters galore
So go tell your doctor father and Igor — 
we’re Americans, we ain’t acting like monsters no more!

Copyright © Freddie Robinson Jr. | Year Posted 2017

Details | Light Poetry |


Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch you name
Him:Yellow, but my friends call me Yell

Me: Say again? I’m somewhat hearing impaired 
Him: Yellow!! But my friends call me Yell!!

Me: There’s certainly no need to YELL at me sir
Him: Son of a…I said Yellow!! But my friends ca...

Me: Ahh, I see, so you’re a yellow fellow then?
Him: Okay whatever, yeah, I’m a yellow fellow

Me: Well, there’s nothing at all to be afraid of sir
Him: You givin’ me a BAD case of the red-ass here!

Me: A red Ass? Might I suggest that you dye it y...
Him:You and me are fixin’ to visit the hospital bud!

Me: Well, I’m certainly no doctor but it could be jaundice
Him:You’re gonna NEED a doctor, you yellow bellied…

Me: Sir, I'm certain that my abdomen is flesh toned, see?
Him: Oh lordy me! Pull your FREEKIN’ shirt back d....
Me: By the way, do you remember that song Mellow Yel…
Him: (Slam-Bam-Ooof!!)---Pretty sure its Donovan, right?

Me: No hir, my name ih NOH Donovan, ih’s Him Ryerson
Him: Gonna make me do this AGAIN? (more slam-bam-ooof)

Me: Excuse me hir, it heems I’ve fallen and cannoh geh up
Him: Call Life Alert and tell them you need a dentist...

* Edited and extended version of a previous post
Dedicated to the VERY talented poet Monterey Sirak whose contest this poem placed in...Thanks Monterey!

Copyright © Tim Ryerson | Year Posted 2014

Details | Limerick |

Batman And Robin


Batman and Robin hit the Joker
But their blow was only a croaker
The Joker hit back
But instead hit Jack
Who said "I'm glad, the Joker's an smoker!

Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000


Copyright © Dorian Petersen Potter | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |


You know why I run game? It's 'cause I'm a player
I'm the night in shining armor, she's a dragon, I'm gon' slay her
That means when I beat it up, I'm gonna kill it
Tell her keep our business to herself, don't spill it
Can't follow directions, then it's on to the next
Hope you get the message, not talking 'bout a text

I sleep with more chicks than a night-gown

Without 'em I'm like a sentence with no noun

For those who don't know that means incomplete

It's a race to get 'em first, I gotta' compete

They wanna be on the team, tryin' to make the cut

True player, show no feelings, keep 'em in a shell, walnut

Females fill my atmosphere, they mean the world to me

I got damsels galore, it's always plural with me

Got gangs of chicks, which one should I bang

They're steady in my face, sort of like some bangs

Hate when they try to lock me down, I'm not in jail

She starts talking 'bout marriage, then I'm gonna bail

Sometimes I need my space, like a vacant lot

I hate being congested, like a nose filled with snot

Hey, stop bugging me, you startin' to act like a knat

Before you go, give me head, I need it like a hat

Copyright © Arcene Janvier | Year Posted 2013

Details | Couplet |

A peach and a speech

The bigger/the richer/the faster the peach, 
the better the chance to catch up someone's speech.

Volodymyr Knyr

Copyright © Volodymyr Knyr | Year Posted 2014

Details | Rhyme |


No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards
No holds barred, utter defeat is what I see in those cards

It's a dirty world, but my heat's considered hand sanitizer

Made my dreams become reality, I'm not a big 'fanisizer'

My trap got cheese, but I'm trying to keep away rats

Life's a gamble, take a chance, like playing craps

Time to take you to school, and money's the topic

Smokin' on Jamaica helps me focus, I keep something tropic

Cash rules everything 'round me and it's in my pocket

That means I'm in control, if this was a plane, I'm in the cockpit

I'm a hustler, got more bricks than a construction site

I stay fresh, I'm flyer than a first-class flight

By any means necessary, hard times call for drastic measures

Get in my way, and get buried like pirate's treasures

Never see me fold, it's like I got the winning hand in Poker

I'm more dangerous than cancer in the lungs of a smoker

Talk crazy, catch a hook, how's that for a punchline

Show me the competition, I call that lunch-time

Copyright © Arcene Janvier | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Your having a giraffe

Just a normal Sunday sitting on my chair
When all of sudden in walked my auntie uncle Claire

What the hell you doing barging in like that??
He said your not going fu**ing believe it? I just ran over your Cat

I said the only pussy in this house is my other half,
We played a few drinking games and i beat him at charades
He soon ad enough of that tho so i  pulled out deck cards then he stared moaning reckon the games i play are hard.

Well i had enough of his lip i couldn't take no more
so rubbed his face on cheese grater and now hes bloody sore.

Copyright © Lisa Costigan | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |

I Got a Gat

I got a gat
that's badder than yours
My rat-a-tat-tat
makes a whole lot of noise
My metal numbers,
whether big or small,
can outperform yours
in the streets or at the mall
I can go big
like a 357 Mag cannon
I can go small
like a 9 mil 'Retta soul getta
I got a gat,
my gat's badder than yours
It makes a mean rat-a-tat-tat
that stops all of the noise
If you wanna meet my gat,
and my gat wanna meet yours
It's okay,
just set the time
Corral your crew,
and I'll get mine
Then start the party blast,
and see who will win
Lets whittle down the cast
to the last man standing 
I got a gat
that badder than yours
My rat-a-tat-tat
makes a whole lot of noise
I got a gat
that leaves a silent smoke trail
My rat-a-tat-tat
sends 'em all blazing straight to hell

Copyright © Freddie Robinson Jr. | Year Posted 2016

Details | Quintain (English) |


Why do I drink coffee?
It always makes me poo. 
And when I smell that steaming turd, 
it makes me think of you. 

As you float there in the water, 
I like to think you’re dead. 
I pretend that I have killed you, 
that I pinched off your head. 

Copyright © Ryan Graham | Year Posted 2013

Details | Grook |

A Nation zzz's

Butterflies and chickens                                                                                                                                                                     who knows, Maybe                                                                                                                                                                 the next catch phrase

Copyright © John Beam | Year Posted 2016

Details | Rhyme |

Murder, In The First Degree

He went to a public library that's quiet and free; 
And was arrested for murder,  in the first degree; 

Inside the library, there was a book to find, 
Slowly he approached his victim, an ol' woman who's kind; 

Close to her backside, he stood lurking behind, 
Little ol' granny was reading and paid him no mind; 

The quick use of his weapon caused her to drop dead on the spot, 
It was the eyeball witness who saw, that's how he got caught; 

The jury must now see the weapon t'was horribly used, 
But the killer tried to hide his nose and loudly refused; 

Now her death that came from his loud sharp sneeze, 
Made her heart quickly stop, quiver, and seize; 

So his hands were shackled and the murder weapon was viewed, 
The jury gasped loudly for air, outraged was their mood; 

Soon after his shnozzle was clearly depicted, 
The jury was unanimous, ... they quickly convicted.

Copyright © Tony Sampson | Year Posted 2006

Details | Pantoum |

My Good Friend, Jack

My Good Friend, Jack I met a guy named Jack he said he was a friend but now my head is in this sack and my time is growing thin He said he was a friend But Jack is in the mob and my time is growing thin because I'm part of Jack's new job But Jack is in the mob He's paid to wield a gun because I'm part of Jack's new job my time will soon be done He's paid to wield a gun his aim is fast and true my time will soon be done When Jack's new job is through his aim is fast and true of this I cannot lie When Jack's new job is through I'd really hate to die of this I cannot lie but now my head is in this sack I'd really hate to die I met a guy named Jack

Copyright © Edward Schmitz | Year Posted 2017