In The Name Of Love
I was only sixteen when I gave birth to you
a child having a child -
my parents made a decision for me
I would give you up for adoption
and that is what happened
the days after, I was lost
confused and questioning the decision
but I knew I could not care for you
I was just a kid . . .
part of me would never forgive me
a part of my heart was forever missing
when I got a bit older
without my parents knowing
I tried to find you but got nowhere
then much later- I told my mother and father
that I wanted to search
they did not stop me . . .
I searched for years
not a day went by my son that I did not think of you
I loved you although I never held you
I was your mother . . .
should I find you, I would not change your life
perhaps just be part of it
time went by and life went on
first father passed and in time mother
I inherited the family plot
one day, I went to visit with roses
and for some reason before leaving
I went into the cemetery office . . .
I asked for a list of who was buried in the plot
as the lady read off the names, I nodded
then she said, oh yes, and there is the baby boy
a dagger stabbed my heart
I asked the date- I could not breathe
I had tears in my eyes
I had found you, my baby boy
the lady showed me your birth certificate
and your death certificate and there was no doubt
you died at birth . . .
I know my parent lied to protect me in the name of love
and I will never know why . . .
why did they let me search the world
could they not tell me the truth
in my mothers dying breath could she not tell
I will never understand the why and never forgive
it made me so sad and that sadness still lingers
I had "baby boy son of . . . and your date of birth"
engraved on the family stone, after all I was the owner
you were never given a proper name
now, I know where you are and my search is over
although you dwell in another realm
you are my son and I am your mother . . .
how many times did I stand at that cold tomb
not knowing your bones lay beneath my feet
I go often with a white rose for my sons
because in time, I had two baby boy angels
buried there, both loved . . .
July 19, 2016
Poetry/Free Verse/In The Name Of Love
Copyright Protected, ID 16-809-918-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
For the contest, Long Lost Family
sponsor, Silent One
Copyright © Dear Heart | Year Posted 2016