In the Name of Love
I was only sixteen when I gave birth to you
a child having a child -
my parents made a decision for me
I would give you up for adoption
and that is what happened
the days after, I was lost
confused and questioning the decision
but I knew I could not care for you
I was just a kid . . .
part of me would never forgive me
a part of my heart was forever missing
when I got a bit older
without my parents knowing
I tried to find you but got nowhere
then much later- I told my mother and father
that I wanted to search
they did not stop me . . .
I searched for years
not a day went by my son that I did not think of you
I loved you although I never held you
I was your mother . . .
should I find you, I would not change your life
perhaps just be part of it
time went by and life went on
first father passed and in time mother
I inherited the family plot
one day, I went to visit with roses
and for some reason before leaving
I went into the cemetery office . . .
I asked for a list of who was buried in the plot
as the lady read off the names, I nodded
then she said, oh yes, and there is the baby boy
a dagger stabbed my heart
I asked the date- I could not breathe
I had tears in my eyes
I had found you, my baby boy
the lady showed me your birth certificate
and your death certificate and there was no doubt
you died at birth . . .
I know my parent lied to protect me in the name of love
and I will never know why . . .
why did they let me search the world
could they not tell me the truth
in my mothers dying breath could she not tell
I will never understand the why and never forgive
it made me so sad and that sadness still lingers
I had "baby boy son of . . . and your date of birth"
engraved on the family stone, after all I was the owner
you were never given a proper name
now, I know where you are and my search is over
although you dwell in another realm
you are my son and I am your mother . . .
how many times did I stand at that cold tomb
not knowing your bones lay beneath my feet
I go often with a white rose for my sons
because in time, I had two baby boy angels
buried there, both loved . . .
____________________________________
July 19, 2016
Poetry/Free Verse/In The Name Of Love
Copyright Protected, ID 16-809-918-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
For the contest, Long Lost Family
sponsor, Silent One
Fourth Place
Copyright © Constance La France | Year Posted 2016
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.
Please
Login
to post a comment