Heave Ho and Yo Ho Ho
An Old Folks home called Shady Lane
where life was at an end.
Where a hundred captives bide their time
till Death its message sends.
They built a country... fought its wars
and gave everything they could.
Now left to simmer and wait their time
as all good inmates should.
Told what to eat and when to sleep,
the clothes were not their own.
No cable news, no colored shoes,
their dreams have long since flown.
The paint is peeling off the walls
and the rooms are cold and damp.
There is no doubt... the inmates know
this is a prison camp.
The Shady Lane was quiet
with the inmates locked away.
The staff was more than happy,
it had been a stress free day.
But tomorrow in the morning
when others had their rest.
One man sick of dying
would cause them much distress.
At the buzzer the man awoke
and jumping to his feet.
He looked into the mirror
and saw the Dreaded Pirate Pete.
'G yaarrr, I be a menace
to those who built this jail.
I soon be weighin' anchor
once this ship is mine to sail.'
'But first a crew I be needin'
to sail the southern seas.
To loot and pillage treasure ships
along the Florida keys.
This brig is full of salty dogs
who be men not knowin' fear.
They'll gladly follow Cap'n Pete
and be my buccaneers.'
'But the jailers they be crafty,
I will need to run a rig.
If caught alive Old Salty Pete
could dance the hempen jig.
I need a plan to get me crew
so me Mates can start a livin'.
And fight against these biscuit eaters
with no quarter being given.'
He stole into a nearby room
where he surprised a man named Rob.
'We be settin' sail, I be Cap'n Pete
and ye be 'One Eyed' Bob.
'We be breakin' free. Why walk the plank
and risk the briny deep?
Sail with me and I be guaranteeing,
ye be not dyin' in your sleep.'
Robert Frost thought a bit
on what life was left to squander.
Or rage against his captors
and sail the wide blue yonder?
'I'll join your fight, I'm 'One eyed' Bob
and ye be Cap'n Pete.
Arr! Let's find some mates and show them how
these Urchins can be beat.'
'We'll get 'Keen Eyed' Tom and 'Smilin' Pat,
both eager for the fray.
They be joined by many more,
all zealous for their day.
There be 'Big Thighs' Bertha, 'Lootin' Mike
and 'Mad Eyes' Martha Stone.
And 'Blunder buss' Betty, 'Butcher' Jack
and 'Harpy' Janice Sloan.'
Pirate Pete tells his plan
and the crew would join the fight.
'Then me Hearties, me be thinkin',
we hatch our plan tonight.
Before them jailers sit for grub,
we be silent as we creep.
And Arr! We add a bit of potion
to make em' fall a sleep.'
The plan succeeds, the swabbies down,
'Now let us bind them tight.
Now my Beauties,' says 'One Eyed' Bob.
'Cap'n Pete has set things right.'
'Yo ho ho.' the crew explodes
with blatant disregard.
When Cap'n Pete says with glee,
'Arr...I've found a credit card.'
To the phone they order out
such food was long denied.
They get chicken wings and onion rings
with a decent side of fries.
No salad greens, all fatty foods
and grog of every kind.
'Arr! Let's order more,' cries 'One Eyed' Bob.
'Those scurvy dogs won't mind.'
'G yarrr! Get some music,' says Cap'n Pete.
To someone in the know.
'We be Masters of this vessel now
so let the hornpipes blow.'
They danced the night to a merry tune
where nothing done was wrong.
When One Eyed' Bob says, 'Oh Cap'n Pete,
give us a shanty song.'
'Avast ye lubbers and move smartly now,
least ye feed the fishes.
For booty calls and gold doubloons
to satisfy our wishes.
With a cutlass and some cackle fruit
we'll loot and never fail.
And if our winds be out of favor.
Arr! Dead men tell no tales.'
'Heave ho and yo ho ho'
was heard throughout the night.
When a Pirate crew tasted freedom
on winning their last fight.
I'd like to hope it stayed that way
to their glory and their fame.
When Cap'n Pete and a fearless crew
took back the Shady Lane.
*To run a rig is to play a trick.
*To dance the hempen jig is to be hanged.
*Biscuit eater is an insult.
*Cackle fruit is a hen's egg.
*Swabbies are lowly workers.
*The potion is ground up sleeping pills.
*For those who might be interested. I will be posting my cartoon 'Bob's your Uncle' on my homepage. A new one will appear every second day.
Copyright © David McHattie | Year Posted 2019
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