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Heartbroken

as thoughts flew round like thistledowns in the air, there shot from him a suppressed sigh. he strained to remember- “when was it I last got a call from my children”? he rocked in agony his heart beats quickening.... how little he sought and how little he gained! he lived for his children. well settled, they now stay far away. in the mirror peering into his disintegrating face, heartbroken, he airs out.... - his loneliness - his ailments - his thirst for his children his voice trailing into the heedless sky until they shrink down to a single breath in and out, in and out...... like a lizard waiting for its prey he sees Death waiting near. he envisions a coffin lowered down not borne by anyone familiar but by some strange hands gladly he steps down closing his eyes, he lies inside waiting for the warm kiss of his children a parting gesture due for any parent Feb. 27. 2023 ~ Placed Second~ Writing Challenge. H words Poetry Contest Sponsor- Constance La France

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Constance La France

Date: 3/2/2023 1:14:00 AM

Valsa, wonderful writing and congratulations on your win in my Writing Challenge - H Words, well done, blessings, Constance

Valsa George
Date: 3/2/2023 8:44:00 AM

Thanks a lot dear Constance for the high placement given and the opportunity you offer

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 2/28/2023 1:26:00 PM

Congratulations on your win. I enjoyed your write. Have a blessed day.............

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 2/28/2023 10:10:00 AM

- Back with a congratulations, Valsa :) - hugs

Sotto Poet

Date: 2/28/2023 9:49:00 AM

Back with Congratulations, Valsa, on podium winning achievement; your poem is so lovely, and I like the way you depicted the striking metaphors.

Stephan McBride

Date: 2/28/2023 5:55:00 AM

How sad is our heavenly father, which has given us everything, to be left out from a relationship for many of His kids are caught up in worldly things and seek their own guidance,. Love your poem my dear friend: )

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 2/27/2023 7:35:00 PM

When someone is very old they need the comfort of their children. It is lonely sometimes while they “do life” wit families of their own. Still once i a while they must turn and blow kisses of conversation, visits, etc… they must.

Joe Dimino

Date: 2/27/2023 9:53:00 AM

"like a lizard waiting for its prey he sees Death waiting near." Wow! Startling imagery. Loneliness is terrible. I hope some young ones hear and respond favorably to this beautiful reminder, of the parental love that goes into a child's upbringing. No matter, though, in the end for each of us, one faces God alone. Grateful not the IRS. Blessings my friend.

Vijay Pandit

Date: 2/27/2023 5:48:00 AM

Your poem gives voice to turmoil in hearts of aging parents. Highly emotive write, Valsa. Thoughts of dying in loneliness tug the heart. So well written, as always. Best to you, my friend.

Sotto Poet

Date: 2/27/2023 5:44:00 AM

Valsa, your take on the contest theme shed a melancholy tint on your well-crafted poem. You've done an excellent job at capturing the actual sense of having one's heart broken. Writings of remarkable caliber, brimming with the sorrow it expresses. Unfortunately, many parents have had this scenario. And the kids don't seem to worry at all.

Mike Gentile

Date: 2/27/2023 4:12:00 AM

Valsa, a veil of sadness is woven through your words! You have definitely crafted a piece that evokes the true feeling of being heartbroken! Happy Monday xxoo

Joanna Daniel

Date: 2/27/2023 3:21:00 AM

A really great poem that shines with the heartbreaking feeling it arouses, sadly many old parents feel the same... And the children hardly care.. Awesome poem, Valsa :)

Di11y Da11y

Date: 2/27/2023 2:53:00 AM

Valsa, this is absolutely beautiful and truly heartbreaking. So thoughtfully written. My children are young and I regularly ponder I hope they remember all the happy days and know how much they are loved. We have such a short time to invest in their happiness but also need to ensure they are well rounded too. Hopefully the combination is right. I'll be saying yes when they ask if I want to play after reading this! A little wake up that the treasured times can be right now x

Sara Kendrick

Date: 2/27/2023 2:53:00 AM

Wow!! Emotive and creative work you have penned in this one that rings true in today's world. Thanks for sharing and for dropping by..Sara

Paul Bell

Date: 2/27/2023 2:49:00 AM

I suppose we want our kids to prosper and move on, but it also brings the term, job done. Maybe time for reinvention and getting out.

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 2/27/2023 2:14:00 AM

- A heartbreaking poem, Valsa - A deep longing I feel in my own heart - Best wishes in the contest :) - hugs

Buhagiar Victor

Date: 2/27/2023 2:03:00 AM

Hope you are alright as I haven't seen you around lately. Your poem for the contest is superb. So many emotions that make the heart beat faster. Best for a win.

Valsa George
Date: 2/27/2023 2:50:00 AM

There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. We were away from home on a family tour for four days. Today morning, reached back. Thanks a lot dear Victor for the lovely comment.

Unseeking Seeker

Date: 2/27/2023 1:26:00 AM

Indeed, this is how it is for many whose life force in the sunset years slowly ebbs away in despondent loneliness. A powerful write, Valsa