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A Rattling Rhyme

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A calendar girl I certainly am not
my assets aren’t what they once were ...
pert boobies have drooped, they’ve sure gone to pot
I think other ladies can concur.

I’m realistic about the aging process
As my body is droopy and sags
And it causes me constant distress
when my bra catches on pesky skin tags

My hair colour comes from a bottle
I must use dye to cover the grey
So I apply it all at full throttle ...
Hairdresser’s bills I don’t want to pay!

My double chin it has expanded,
you should see the size of my jowls
and I expect that I’ll be reprimanded
If I dare mention my runny bowels!

I just suddenly dash to the loo
as my bladder it feels fit to burst
Drat, the ladies has such a long queue -
when I use public toilets, I’m cursed!

Sheer relief when I squat on the toilet
(I must not let my tush touch the seat)
Because sadly other women can ‘mark it’
their wee dribbles I don’t want to meet!

I hate to admit that I’m aging
and no longer am I a young lass
But my husband is still so engaging
and he can’t resist patting my a s s!


MAINLY A FICTION POEM - SPONSOR TOLD US TO HAVE FUN!

A Rattling Rhyme Contest
Sponsored by Nina Parmenter

7/30/18

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Susan Gentry

Date: 8/30/2018 2:02:00 PM

Congratulations on your win. Lol... well lol until... well you know! This is hilarious. Enjoyed immensely.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2018 7:32:00 PM

Thanks Susan:-) hugs Jan xx

Viv Wigley

Date: 8/29/2018 6:50:00 AM

Congrats, Jan, even though the first six verses apply to me :( . Viv x

Jan Allison
Date: 8/30/2018 7:32:00 PM

lol Mr Viv:-) hugs Jan xx

Janice Canerdy

Date: 8/28/2018 8:15:00 PM

I'm back to say CONGRATS, Jan! Janice

Jan Allison
Date: 8/29/2018 3:00:00 AM

Thanks Janice:-) hugs Jan xx

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 8/28/2018 7:03:00 PM

I'm so happy we both made it onto her list Jan. I just couldn't get the rambling part right but I wanted to support her contest. I am in the best of company my friend. I loved your entry! Congratulations! xxoo : )

Jan Allison
Date: 8/29/2018 3:00:00 AM

I struggled with the meter and did a few tweaks yesterday so it flows a little better. I too wanted to support my lovely friend Nina:-) hugs jan xx

Gershon Wolf

Date: 8/28/2018 5:42:00 PM

Jan, I'm not so sure that the winner's list didn't get turned upside down...Maybe Nina's got the jitters or something... All I know is that this one sends me into convulsions of giggles. So congrats on your placement in Nina's contest---and on your win in mine. :) gw

Jan Allison
Date: 8/29/2018 2:59:00 AM

Thanks so much GW:-) hugs Jan xx

CayCay Jennings

Date: 8/26/2018 5:28:00 AM

And fun you had, me too reading it. To me, maybe you've noticed, age also makes it harder and harder to NOT sit on a public toilet but fear gets me in position. I enjoyed this immensely, Jan. All the best ... CayCay

Jan Allison
Date: 8/26/2018 5:59:00 AM

Thanks CayCay, I need to edit the poem to gt the rhyme a little better but time isn't on my side at the moment . hope all is good with you:-) hugs jan xx

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 8/16/2018 1:33:00 PM

Geez Jan, I thought you were speaking about me lol. Gravity is a gift and a curse! I think Nina will love this as I did! : )

Jan Allison
Date: 8/16/2018 5:49:00 PM

Thanks Connie:-) I know I need to work on the meter as it's not good enough for the contest but I have time to try and edit it, just went for the fun element:-) hugs Jan xx

Michelle Faulkner

Date: 8/12/2018 4:35:00 PM

Love this sauncy bouncing rhythm, if your hubby is still patting your rear things must still be fun :)

Jan Allison
Date: 8/12/2018 4:55:00 PM

lol Michelle :-) hugs Jan xx

Constance La France

Date: 8/4/2018 11:29:00 AM

Jan, and this was fun, but I am quite positive you are far from that decayed in real life ~

Jan Allison
Date: 8/4/2018 11:46:00 AM

Thanks my friend I just like to have fun and make folk smile and I am sure we can all relate to aspects of the poem or will be able to in later life :-( hugs Jan xx

Rhoda Tripp

Date: 8/3/2018 10:32:00 AM

Funny how we fear it, no? I use such words as "teen", "young", "ageless" "cute" and "Ilook30" as passwords to unlock my phone as I figure with as many times as I unlock it in a day, some of it will subconsciously stick LOL.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/3/2018 11:09:00 AM

lol Rhoda I like your positive attitude!!!:-) hugs jan xx

Charles Reese

Date: 8/1/2018 8:52:00 AM

Very well don Jan. It's a very entertaining piece.Hope you do well in the contest.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/1/2018 10:52:00 AM

Thanks Charles:-) hugs Jan xx

John Gondolf

Date: 8/1/2018 8:24:00 AM

You certainly had fun with this one, Jan, and I had fun reading. I am working on one similar that I will post later this week but I think yours is much better. Best of luck. John

Jan Allison
Date: 8/1/2018 10:52:00 AM

Thanks John, it is great we are thinking along the same lines!:-) hugs Jan xx

Pat Adams

Date: 7/31/2018 7:39:00 AM

LMAO!! Loved the pic as well! I think it's really sad when man boobs start to sag!! Can you imagine!?! A winner in my book!..........pat

Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2018 8:21:00 AM

I think that they would be more worried about something else being floppy lol hugs Jan xx

Charles Messina

Date: 7/30/2018 8:50:00 PM

LOL such a great write, Jan. This getting old stuff really stinks, like my friend Richard said, I want to live to 113 so I can be a teen again...! Hugs // Charlie xx

Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2018 4:24:00 AM

Thanks Charles - my mum's great great aunt lived to 111 and 121 days and was in the Guinness book of records - hopefully I have her longevity genes lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Gershon Wolf

Date: 7/30/2018 7:51:00 PM

Such self-awareness, Jan! Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. Don't kill me, Don't kill me, Don't kill me. … After all, somebody had to write that comment! … Seriously now, what's a bit depressing is that by the time one (hopefully never) gets to that stage, she/he wouldn't be able to laugh about it. Ah, life is just too cruel! And yet, it can be so wonderful! (Act 3, "Our Town," Thornton Wilder: "Doesn't anyone appreciate how wonderful life is?!"...) ~ gw

Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2018 4:23:00 AM

Thanks GW:-) hugs Jan xx

Dale Gregory Cozart

Date: 7/30/2018 4:42:00 PM

So sad, but so true. Funny write.

Jan Allison
Date: 7/30/2018 4:45:00 PM

Thanks Dale:-) hugs Jan xx

Frederic Parker

Date: 7/30/2018 4:19:00 PM

funny thing about getting old, you'll never understand it unless you've lived it

Jan Allison
Date: 7/30/2018 4:45:00 PM

So true Frederic. I see the ravages of old age with my mum and its not a nice thought to think I will probably go down that same road:-( hugs jan xx

Janice Canerdy

Date: 7/30/2018 1:57:00 PM

LOVE IT, JAN--funny, rollicking piece! Janice

Jan Allison
Date: 7/30/2018 1:59:00 PM

Thanks Janice I don't think I've adhered to the rhyme scheme but the humour flowed and if I don't place I'm still happy I made people smile:-) hugs Jan xx

Mike Gentile

Date: 7/30/2018 1:06:00 PM

A painfully true account you have constructed with this fun write Jan, I always appreciate your humor xxoo

Jan Allison
Date: 7/30/2018 1:08:00 PM

Thanks Mike I probably have messed up with the meter but I just go with the flow of my muse and wanted to write a fun poem... I admit to nothing regarding aging lol-) hugs Jan xx

Rico Leffanta

Date: 7/30/2018 12:40:00 PM

If you can actually see droops, sags, and wrinkles, you are still young! Bonne chance! Aloha! Rico

Jan Allison
Date: 7/30/2018 12:52:00 PM

lol I am admitting to nothing Rico! lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Eric Boddie

Date: 7/30/2018 11:26:00 AM

the process of aging....is an act so amazing....even at times it can be hard....like it takes more time to clean the yard....as for the gray, I have a few strands....they allude to distinction and wisdom for this man....my eyesight is still pretty damn good even though it was once great....and the mere sight of woman still does and will forever weaken me, and that will never be up for debate....so Live on and Live long....and always keep Love strong....that actually tickled me jan.…;)

Jan Allison
Date: 7/30/2018 11:33:00 AM

oooh I love to see greying hair on men lol:-) hugs Jan xx