Poetry Forum

Charles - all messages by user

5/9/2010 11:03:14 PM
Beach Combing	The middle line is short one syllable. Count should be 7. Also Haiku is NOT supposed to rhyme. I understand some of the new age writers are not paying attention to syllable count as once were but I have not read anything about moving toward rhyme. lol Charles
6/29/2010 12:24:42 AM
What a waste	Michael, Chris is right. We all like to see our poems hang up on the 200 list for as long as possible, but sometimes when a half dozen or so put up 20/25 poems each the page just flies by. Do your name search so all your poems will come up with their comments. If you still have eight with no comments, just pull them up on your "my poems" page and delete them off. Then put maybe four or five back on around 8 pm eastern time. Do that again the next day for the rest and unless we have some more crazies like the other day, you should get some comments. Also, right after you put your first ones on, go in and read about 20 poems and make comments. That will at least get the people you comment on, to look for your poems. At which time they will read and usually comment. Another thing is to get into some contests so your name will be in front of more people. That is a lot more effective than being on the 200 list. It also shows how you write under pressure because most of these contests by members don't take but a few days to fill up. So, you have to write about some specific thing when you have all your other crap on your mind. It's a lot tougher than being able to sit back and wait for an inspirational moment. Good luck and don't be disheartened by the other day. Charles Henderson
6/29/2010 11:10:15 PM
Flying Away	Shannon, This is a good poem. If it were mine, and you are free to dissagree, there are a couple of things that I think would make it more attractive. I don't want to get into your specific wordage because that is yours and is probably better than what I could change it to. The length of the poem makes it a little bit wieldy. It is basically two thoughts. One how you were trashed and two, how you will over come it. Why not break it and make two good poems? In the first part you seem to lose flow just a tad beginning with line 8. Try this and see if you like better or at least if it gives you some new ideas. I would strike "ripped from my eyes" Leave Line 8: -You found a believer. Make Line 9 -Your perfect achiever. Make Line 10 -Now the pain receiver Line 11 Slowly do I crawl along, and continue as you have it. You just seemed to have too much of a good thing there and I left some of it out. Continue on down with out any more change until you get to "simply loving 'till the day I die. Then use "while I dream of a smile " as the last line of your poem. ==================to start your second poem you can go with what you have. An alternate might be something like==" Although I try to fly,"" your gravity presses me from the sky" "I can hardly lift my head" "I don't have the desire to try."++++++You can enhance your flow by breaking some of the longer sentences at a good place and put the last part as the next line. One I see is "Why do you wish this silence (break here) (on next line)"upon my loving heart's song" Another is "I'll do what must be done (break) "Living, Loving and learning (break) and there may be one or two more you think would help to be shortened. It just looks a little different to have shorter lines, therefore it does impact differently and changes the rythem patterns. If you like your changes I would really like to see the two poems again, with the changes. Good luck --Charles
6/30/2010 1:53:02 AM
Change the poem that I submitted?	go to your "my poem" page and on the extreme right end of the poem is a delete box. Click on that. Then enter the poem you want.
7/7/2017 2:42:12 AM
Looking for an honest critique	The poem is a decent starter poem for a newbe. However you misspelled empties in line one. That turned me off at the get go. Then you drop your Capitals and your punctuation. Punctuation tells the reader when to emphasize a point and when to pause or simply stop. It is used to slow the reader down or speed up. ie: Drop by drop, the bottle empties- - - the mind and body paying the fees. The cycle continues, there is no end. The vapors dragging, his only friend. His mind is seized, hope is but a tease. Hour by hour, day by day, how much more to pay. etc,
12/13/2018 1:01:18 PM
The test (Please critique)	Wendy: Just have to give you an A on this one dear. You kept your pace, form, conviction and content all the way through a long formidable subject. Good write. Charles Henderson edited by Charles on 12/13/2018
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