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jakitz - all messages by user

5/10/2012 8:02:54 AM
First One=) the repative nature of the poem make its monotonous instead of enjoyable. the poem itself its about the change that hope brings and yet you make no ovature to describe what brought about the change or how hope had triphumant which is far more interesting then the metaphoric sky with its changing wheather
5/10/2012 8:12:08 AM
First Poem. Hope it's at least adequate! though i enjoy the overall concept of your poem and many verses in it, i feel as if it lacks true rythem and flow. the ending was fanstatic though.
5/10/2012 8:16:21 AM
Poem entitled 'Paper' its a good poem i like the concept of it and the flow is excellent. the only thing i would look at is lines 4 6 and the last line. these are too short for my liking and distrupt the flow ever so slightly.
5/10/2012 8:19:33 AM
Please, don't hold back! One time around this is more of a rambling then a poem. it goes on and on with no clear point. to many of your descriptions conflict eachother such as the shine bright followede by its but a fraction. its as if your on a a train of thought going from red to apple to oranges to sun to black holes to where all going to die ahhhh. alnyways takes roberts advice and focus.
5/10/2012 8:22:57 AM
What hopes i think your trying to hard to be poetic which leaves a taint of insecerity to the idea and thought you first had
5/10/2012 8:28:00 AM
Really looking for critque!! A Thousand Eyes too many big words slow down the world is not yet populated by all nerds you need to create a connection with your reader and thats just not going to do it
5/22/2012 12:26:38 PM
critique & opinions? a deep dark part of me is wishing that sleep is metaphor for killing hahahahahah
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