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Forum Home » High Critique » critique & opinions?

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/12/2012 3:48:01 PM

Victoria Rose
Posts: 3
called on by a quiet shore,
a calm, and lucid, lonely shore,
not in a dream-she's wide awake-
but by a voice through whistling wind,
a draft,
she hears a spirit sing
a calm and peaceful hymn,
for fallen hearts,
and broken wings;
'sweet child, come to me,
the salty sea.
i can show you how to be,
and everything your tired soul
will ever need,
to finally
fall asleep.
bring your brothers,
bring your friends,
tell your sisters not to worry,
that it's not yet the end,
and that they can all come now,
safe and sound,
and rest their heads.
I won't let them drown,
or even let them weep,
and they may all, finally,
fall asleep.'

'You are lost,
and wandered lonesome.
But I won't leave.
You will always have the ocean,
and the mountains,
and the trees.
I am your keeper
and I promise you,
that I will see
that everything you fear
will wash away with me
when I put you,
finally,
to sleep.'
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5/22/2012 12:26:38 PM

Nathan D.
Posts: 7
a deep dark part of me is wishing that sleep is metaphor for killing hahahahahah
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