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Reason A. Poteet - all messages by user

11/21/2010 11:12:52 AM
poem..... Choking and pulling down
Into the water that I may drown
This sorrow and agony
Taking hold and (suffocating) me
I try to scream but am unable to
I try to reach out to you
Darkness and pain begins to appear
How hard I cry without shedding a tear
My heart twisted, (I hold on to each shred)
Leaving me now feeling dead
Pulled down underneath

Two suggestions to consider. (see above) Also since you've chosen to not use punctuation, I would leave off the capital letters, unless you just happen to like them...just a matter of consistency. But it is your nature, go for it. Substantial piece on suffocation, overwhelming feelings of helplessness. I like the rhyme and the use of lines instead of prose.
edited by Reason A. Poteet on 11/21/2010
11/21/2010 11:58:41 AM
Poetry is the answer What impels us in the night (add 1 syllable to make it 8 -- maybe dark night)
to rise up and turn on the light
to sit down and begin to write
a poem if the feelings right? (feeling's - you mean feeling is, so put in the ' for the missing i in is.)

For some the answer is simple enough.
for others the cracking of a nut that’s tough. (change for to but) (but others must crack a nut that is tough) - keep it 10 syllables)
It’s more than rhyme, it's that and bigger stuff.
A finished poem, a diamond no longer rough. (Poem done, a diamond...) (i LOVE THE DIAMOND PART)

There is much to be said of so many things, (keep it 10 syllables - just leave out so)
of wording it right and the joy it brings,
of the tonal quality just right when it sings, (a quality tone just right...)
and when it ends it's as true as it begins. (keep it 10 - just nix the and).

What impels us in the night (add 1 syllable to make it 8 -- maybe dark night)
to rise up and turn on the light
to sit down and begin to write
a poem if the feelings right? (feeling's - you mean feeling is, so put in the ' for the missing i in is.)

An un-crafted word is just like a fetter, (leave out is and put in a - )
un practiced in words we become the debtor, (unpracticed in words we are the debtor.)
as for proof just view any written letter. (and for proof, view any...)
Poetry is the answer to a need to say it better. (Poems fill a need....)

I'm impressed, Monty, all you need to do is count syllables and make them count for you. This would be fine as it is an 8, 10, 10, 8, 10 or you could add another stanza of 10 syllable lines later for balance and possibly end with the same 8 again as what is called a repeating refrain. 8, 10, 10, 8, 10, 10, 8

Your rhyming is superb - I love it.

Needs a little work and you can change my suggestions as you please, My only point is that you need some meter...We can work later on accent with another piece, that's minor at this point. Get the count right and your poem will improve.

edited by Monty Newman on 11/15/2010
edited by Reason A. Poteet on 11/21/2010
6/1/2013 6:08:45 PM
Stigma In the interest of form which matters little to some. I would remove "me" from both lines 4 and 5. That would provide the continuity of increasing each line by one syllable, a technique often used in poetry. A good rhyme scheme for five lines. Re your theme this is good philosophy stated here, one should face stigma eye to eye and figure out why. I'd give this 8/10.
edited by Reason A. Poteet on 6/1/2013
6/1/2013 6:15:59 PM
Hallelujah We Keep on Singing The only, only thing that bothers me with this is your note at the bottom, (Love of Country HAHAHAHA!!!) If you don't love your country, why bother. Not sure how to take this...it is not strongly sarcastic and I can't tell whether you are making fun of religion but I sense you might be?
6/1/2013 6:20:44 PM
Death is knocking at my door Death has no Barriers! a common theme. You personify death quite well as the deceiver that he is.
8/3/2013 6:46:48 PM
Poets - Best New What constitutes a best new poet?

Poets, I get
Poets - New, I get
but how does one receive the recognition of Poets - Best New
Just curious.
5/22/2014 9:20:13 PM
Does poetry soup count as a publishing credit? I have found that most contests do count online posting sites as published poetry...I would check with each individual contest that you participate in...many have a FAQ column which might be helpful before you ask.
Meanwhile, can anyone tell me, what the ribbon in the PS logo says? It appears to have words on it, but I cannot read them even when I zoom to 400%.
1/4/2017 1:45:06 PM
POEM FROM A PREVIOUS CONTEST NOT YET JUDGED RE: Rainbow Promise, Cala Lilly, on 11/5/16 4:46:22 AM
Some sites have a panel that judges contests, not promptly taken care of...usually within a month but sometimes 6 weeks. It is a volunteer group of poets within the site, who know the process and can take care of it easily. I would agree, there is no excuse for letting a contest just go on and on without attention.
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