Poetry Forum

DHAlderose - all messages by user

1/5/2019 11:44:20 AM
Muse. Honest thoughts please	Hi, So I liked the early structure. However, think it could do with maybe proof reading? I was unsure what 'most of what I sees a flee' meant? But loved the line from time to time sheer poetry. I wonder if the line: 'Linguist challenges the all too' should be them all too? The first 4 lines rhymed and the others didn't, some may like this style but personally I don't, either periodic rhyming, consistent, or none at all in my opinion. Overall, very strong start but weaker ending.
1/5/2019 11:47:55 AM
Once Upon A Timer	Really beautiful. I loved it. I might change 'apologizing' to 'apologize' just to make the line a bit shorter? But overall very good. The 3rd line from the end seems like you've put a couple of lines together (just an editing error I'm sure). Thank you for sharing!
1/5/2019 11:51:43 AM
Intertwine - critique please??	Hi all - please could you critique my poem I'm unsure that it flows and I'm not sure if it ends too suddenly, thanks Intertwine - Your Body and mine, I forget where you end and I begin, Your skin on my skin, You said you loved me you promised, But you were never good at being honest, Such a beautiful liar, Set me on fire, Don't you know I'm good for you? I'd rip out my heart put it on my sleeve for you? Let the ground swallow me whole, For a glimpse into your soul, LET ME SEE YOU Let me love you, All your broken parts, Your lonely parts, Your having me laugh until I cry parts, Even the part that broke my heart. But you have won, I have come undone.
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