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Forum Home » High Critique » Once Upon A Timer

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/4/2019 12:11:28 PM

Luisa Herrmann
Posts: 2
If we had fifty seconds to live
what would you tell me?

Would you use me as a vessel of confessions
or would you tell me things you once wished only I knew
Would you cry to your aunt,
apologizing for not kissing her last Thanksgiving?
Or would you apologize to me,
for crushing my heart a million years ago?

Would you scream and beg for more time
Or would you hold my hand
convince me that you are happy to die by my side?
Would you kiss me for lust in your final moments
or would you give me time to empty my soul

Would you lie
and say you always have loved me?

I guess I'll never knowBecause I have much more timethan fifty seconds.
I have the rest of my life
to fight the memory of you.
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1/5/2019 11:47:55 AM

D.H. Alderose
Posts: 3
Really beautiful. I loved it.
I might change 'apologizing' to 'apologize' just to make the line a bit shorter? But overall very good.
The 3rd line from the end seems like you've put a couple of lines together (just an editing error I'm sure).
Thank you for sharing!
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