So........I tried

Well, my last day of work was this past Friday. I had my mind set that work was a good idea and I could do it with no meds. Once the meds got completely out of my system, my mind said otherwise. I never realized how important being back out in the "working" world was until the last day. Once I closed my notebook and got everything gathered to bring back home, the reality hit me and I cried. I really enjoyed my job and liked the people I worked with. It was so hard having to walk away and admit that I "have" to take the option of medication. Some people may ask, "Why can't you take meds and work?" The meds only help to a certain point. They don't "prevent" episodes, they just make them a little more tolerable. The small stresses can send me over the edge and then I end up looking like a horse's butt to everyone else. Besides that, when first getting back on meds, they mellow me out and slow my mind down, (which is a good thing), but not a good thing when you're doing production work.
I've lost all the weight that I worked so hard to put on for the only way I eat and sleep well is with my meds, so there's just a lot of issues that keep me here at home. 
Thing is, I gave my 100% and tried my best. I feel good that I did at least make a good effort. Another good thing is, my VERY spoiled pets are glad to see that I'm not leaving them all day again, and they're a lot happier now that I'm back home. Plus, I can keep my house looking spotless again and I can be here a lot more often.
I'm sorry that I've been away for so long. I did hop on here long enough to see that some are still going strong, but wasn't here long enough to comment. Thank you to all those who have supported me while away and left comments on my poetry. I see that I've got a lot of catching up to do and will get to commenting a.s.a.p.
Love y'all so much!!!! (HUGS)
Alana

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Carol Sunshine Brown Date: 6/11/2008 8:50:00 AM Lana, no one could ask more from you. I am so proud of you. At least you gave it a try. Love, Carol Login to Reply

Alana Tye Date: 6/5/2008 1:30:00 PM Thank you all so much for making me feel at home, as always. Your encouraging words go deeper than you really know and I'm so thankful to be a part of the Soup family. Much love and many hugs!! :) Login to Reply

Phyllis Babcock Date: 6/5/2008 10:51:00 AM Welcome back, nice to have you back on line. Take care. Phyllis Login to Reply

Sharon Winter Date: 6/4/2008 1:15:00 PM Welcome back Alana! Missed you so much. You should be proud! It isn't easy to step out of our comfort zone, and if it doesn't work out, it probably isn't meant to be. You are loved - so glad you are back. Big hugs! xoxoxox Love, Shar Login to Reply

Vince Suzadail Jr. Date: 6/4/2008 9:45:00 AM One of my favorites battled BiPolar Disorder all her life. Connie Francis was a star when I was a kid. The storms will come but don't worry about those who don't understand. It's not worth it. Be true to yourself. God Bless. Nice to see you back. Vince Login to Reply

Michael Degenhardt Date: 6/4/2008 9:03:00 AM Welcome back! I know I look forward to more of your poetry being posted, so consider yourself welcomed with a hug. ~ Michael Login to Reply