The Words on Repeat
I sit alone
head in my hands
red welts growing on my back.
I don't move to cool
boiling water.
The words on repeat:
I deserve the pain
I sit at the kitchen table
family surrounds me.
My eyes unfocused
staring at a still spot.
No one's noticed.
Noticed the crescent dents and clenched fists
blood beginning to drip.
The words on repeat:
I am not worthy of love.
12 am hits the clock.
Eyes not drowsy
sleep miles from me
my mind on action.
The words on repeat:
I am a bad person.
Music blasted in my ears
as loud as it can go.
Attempts to silence my unwanted thoughts.
The words on repeat:
I don't belong anywhere.
Empty phone.
No one checks on me.
I need help
but there is not a care.
The words on repeat:
I am unloveable.
Knees to chest.
Tracing scars
scattered on my body like unwanted stars.
So many.
Too many.
Picked scabs, intentional cuts, surgery.
The words on repeat:
I am not worth fighting for.
Tears falling down my face
collecting on my sleeves.
The words on repeat:
Don't let them see you cry.
Words typed and deleted
phrases repeated.
"I miss you."
"Please come back."
The words on repeat:
I am weak and clingy.
"I love you"
"I will always love you"
The words on repeat:
I love too hard.
"Are you okay?"
"Can I help?"
"What's wrong?"
The words on repeat:
I care way too much.
My ceiling hearing the stories
no one cares to listen to.
My fan masking the sound
as tears hit the sheets.
The words on repeat:
I am worthless.
I am never enough.
I am ugly.
I am annoying.
I am all of the above.
Failing to see beyond
all these words on the page.
No one caring to show
No one caring to prove
That I might be more
than the words left on repeat.
Copyright © emily aykens | Year Posted 2026
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