They Told Me
They told me
only one month left
that was two months ago.
They told me
do it right the first time
and it won't happen again
yet here we are.
AGAIN.
They told me
push through
and you'll get to where you want to be,
but I want to be in the game
not on the side.
They told me
it's only a "blip" in this thing called life,
but how come this "blip"
feels like an eternity?
They told me
just be normal,
but how can I be normal
when they convince me I'm broken?
They told me
that I wasn't good enough.
That I wasn't strong enough.
That I wasn't enough.
They told me
that I wouldn't even get a chance.
No chance to be considered.
No chance to be looked at normally.
No chance to not be "the broken one".
They told me to push myself
harder
and harder
and harder
and eat less
you're too fat
and eat more
you're dying
and workout more
you're out of shape
and workout less
you're too strong
and smile more
you're not pretty without it
and stop smiling
you're ruining the picture
and wear less make-up
you look pathetic
and put more make-up on
you look ugly
and get no sleep
you have to study
and go to bed sooner
then you're not tired
and don't disappoint me
or you can't go out anymore
and hang out with friends more
you're antisocial and...
They told me
push harder and I'll get there but I've been pushing for
1 year
11 months
5 days
14 hours
and 13 minutes
and I'm still stuck here.
They told me
"i'm here to listen",
but if anyone really was
I wouldn't be stuck in a black hole.
ALONE.
They convinced me
that I was broken.
That I was nothing.
That I was disposable.
Then
she told me
I am special.
I am important.
I am not broken,
but it is taking a lot of convincing
and she is patient.
She told me
that I am strong.
That I am worth it.
That I am amazing.
She told me
that she is always there to listen
when that is all I need,
and she has been.
She told me
that she isn't leaving,
and even though
I have given her many reasons to leave
she has stayed
when others would have left.
She told me
that she cares about
ME.
That she believes in
ME.
That she loves
ME,
and that is all I will ever need.
Copyright © emily aykens | Year Posted 2024
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