What If's

What if I let you in my head all the noise all the stress all the problems would you leave like so many before you or would you be different and try to help instead What if I cried in your arms sobbing telling you how my head is never silenced it’s never ending what if’s explaining exactly how im at fault how i'm the problem how i should act how i should be would you laugh telling me i’m stupid or would you tell me again that you’re here What if I knew i was bad for you telling you my head is never going to change i'm always going to be insecure going to hate my body going to hate my actions going to hate my head would you be there to help me explaining and understanding or would you finally say that you are rid of me for good What if the urge to hurt got too big and i cut… deep would you get mad would you yell would you tell me that im stupid or would you try to understand why and help so it doesn’t happen again What if i couldn’t take it anymore the feeling of hatred towards myself the feeling of being horrible being wretched being gross being unlovable being untrustworthy could you handle helping me making me feel like i'm the opposite time and time again or would you say figure it out on your own like everyone else What if i ended it all couldn’t take this life anymore couldn’t take the pain feeling like I never belong even with you sideways glances weird looks no time for me too busy to help when i really need it What if i ended it all couldn’t stand a life without you couldn’t stand to hurt you anymore couldn’t stand this anymore short texts no kisses no hugs no touch less talking my heart gone broken because of them because i'm not good enough What if you finally realize that I am not good enough all of me is so broken that you snapped that it came crashing in you finally realize i'm not good enough i don’t help i'm not pretty enough i can’t make you happy i don’t make you smile or laugh i don’t make you safe you don’t love me What if you finally realize im not what you're looking for i would finally understand that it was all a lie i would know then why i'm unloveable i would know why i'm so messed up i would know why i don’t deserve to live because i hurt you because i made the one good thing to come to me leave i made you leave What if you finally realize you don’t actually love me like everybody else What if