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Best Poems Written by Kayden Bj

Below are the all-time best Kayden Bj poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

hold me

i bundle my head into my arms and grasp at my hair
for a sense of self
i am alive
i am told i can function
i dont feel as if i can function

i feel dirty
i keep scratching and scrubbing at my skin
i can feel the hands crawling around my body
like a spider
all i want in life is to be happy
but such things are out of reach

why cant you just make this feeling stop?
make this constant torture freeze in time for a moment
and listen to my words
kill this pain buried deep within
my cries will echo through out the room
youll realize i am troubled
not worse than others
but in need of help

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

disordered

am i going crazy?
those words will consistently ring out in my head
like a bomb that has just struck land
sometimes it feels like you're walking on eggshells
forever i am labelled as i am unbalanced
unstable
my head is so loud
but so quiet at the same time

like the silent whirring of tv static
head-splitting chattering is buried deep within my brain
they are just parts of me
i am not insane
just disordered
i begin to disassociate 
and ill detach from this place
maybe soon ill function properly 

maybe you'll realize i am not insane
and just coping

how did i end up this way?

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

time flies

i sat reading a book
pondering on what i could ever possibly do
to make myself feel better
i glance at the clock
it is 2pm on a sullen sunday
i am filled with resentment

resentment towards myself,
towards them

they speak in a low tone
almost as if i cannot hear it,
as if i have to tune in to hear the muttering.

i take a glance into the mirror across from me
i do not recognize this face staring back at me
a bitter taste fills my mouth
what an odd face!
its not mine,
it doesnt feel right on this body.
so whose is it?

I look back at the clock,
it is now 8pm on this dreadful sunday.

where'd the time go?
i try to recall the time
nothing i can recollect in my mind,
i glance around the room.

the furnitures moved
and there happens to be notes left around,
it wasnt me leaving those notes,
they are in a different handwriting.

time flies.

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

love

i wonder what you're doing right now
i curse myself so profoundly
you have exceedingly stole my heart,
my brain feels like its going to detonate
and my soul will ignite

an ordinary world is no match for you
but i am a utter fool forever for not speaking up --
and now i think about those words i might've ate

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

all over again

i step out of the shower
i let the steam moisten my skin once more,
my wet foot steps pitter patter on the cold bathroom floor,
only once will i ever feel this clean 

i stepped into the mirrors view,
no longer scared to hold my gaze at my body
this was me, why shouldnt i look at myself?

my eyes glare into my body like it was something they shouldnt have seen,
i felt terrified, i scratched at my skin uncomfortably

i grabbed my clothes and put them on, only to stare back at the mirror,
this reflection was nicer,
well put together, and covered.
nobody could harm me like this, not anymore. 

my mind was now foggy, and clouded,
instead of now feeling amazing,
i felt disgust, i wanted to sob.

the mirror steamed up once again, i quickly wiped it off
i held back the tears, only to feel a lump growing in my throat,
the terror and worry crept back into my mind.

because even though i had just took a shower,
i felt so dirty,
all over again.

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

mosaic

i am nothing mere of a mosaic
a broken frame
of what should remain
a whole personality
but it split
and caused me great chaos
i am a mosaic that nobody can piece together
i am a mosaic with random bits scattered across the ground
as i try to pick up all the pieces,
they crack apart and split,
i cannot remember where they went,

i hold the mosaic in my fragile hands,
waiting for someone to help me piece myself together.

i do not possess the words in my mouth
yet they pour out like an open stream
the clothes i am wearing do not remind me of myself
and i cannot remember dressing myself in them
a blurry capture of time that i cannot recall
and then i blink
the world had shifted,
and now time slips through my fingers,
like a pit of sand.

these "people".. are just me in different fonts,
they dont sound like me
or remind myself of me

instead of a thought stemmed from somewhere deep inside
but they are me.

a fancy label will be slapped onto my record with permanence
"other specified dissociative disorder",
that label undermines my experiences,
it makes me seem insane
the label will exploit my time
and now ill be forever misunderstood.

my memories are nothing more than
dusty photographs you have lying in a box
and cannot seem to recall or get a grasp of them.

i am a passenger to a full van,
sometimes i am the driver of this van,
but most days i am a passenger,
watching through foggy, 
stained windows -- 
trapped in a jail cell called my head.

in my mind i remain a child
i will be stuck a child
as other bits and parts of me fragment
begin to split,
and become older than my body
i cannot grasp onto one identity for long,
i dont know myself, and in the end
i never will.

reuploaded because i didnt like the original one

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

gutted

you keep poking and prodding at me with thorns,

prick, prick, prick!

and its only left a stinging,
certain tingling in my body,
one that has been replaced with dread.

you had gutted me through and through
leaving nothing more than a pile of cold sharp rocks,
to replace the beautiful life i once had --
to remind me of the torture you bestowed upon me

why have you deemed me to a life of misery and hate?

i could have tried screaming,
but nothing wouldve came out,
a lump had formed in my throat
and i couldnt breathe any longer
i felt tears prick my eyes as i had to sob quietly,
the thorns seemed to prick all over my body,

you had left me gutted,
hollow,
lifeless.

Details | Kayden Bj Poem

roses

I clutch a batch of roses in my hand,
given to me by a blurry face,
one whose name i cannot recall,
i know theyve hurt me,
and im forever stuck with them,
and the stupid roses that wont die.

the thorns prick my hands,
my hands drip blood,
i couldnt un-clutch the roses,
the pain was sharp, like a needle
i could feel it course through my veins,
and the tears welling in my eyes
like a child would after dropping a toy
but why would i cry over something i was letting hurt me?
pathetic old me,

the roses sat clutched in my hands tightly.
i took a deep breath,
and my hands unclutched,
as the thorns slowly came out of my skin
i sighed out of relief, the tears still pricking my eyes,
and now i could see blood coming from the holes the thorns had poked.
it would take forever to heal from this.