I wrote you a letter
but the paper cried
before I finished
your name.
The universe is empty, the most!
If I died, the message will be lost.
Hope it finds you even at the end,
Where no light, no peace, no land!
But, at the very sight of the blue sky,
The clouds remind you of me and fly.
And at the darkest night, moon glows;
Shred the dust and red eyes it shows.
Let me sleep, tonight! Lonely dusk!
Warmth of thy beauty shred in dust.
I might talk stupid, even in the prime,
Thus madly loving you isn't a crime.
And you never knew—
how many times I stood on the edge of your name,
typing and erasing,
drafting words that felt too fragile to send.
I wrote the messages,
but never set them free.
My thumb hovered over "call"
like a ghost remembering how to hold the living.
Not because I didn't miss you—
God, I did.
But silence sometimes feels safer
than a voice that trembles.
Some words decay
the moment they're spoken,
like truth bruised by too much air,
like “I miss you” whispered into a hurricane.
Some doors, once closed,
start to feel like graves.
And maybe I was afraid
of finding you on the other side,
happy.
Healed.
Without me.
So I let the distance settle,
like dust on unsaid things.
And the questions—
the aching, bleeding questions—
I let them stay unanswered.
You moved on,
and I stayed—
not in the past,
but in the pause between knowing and letting go.
So no,
I never texted you again.
But that doesn't mean
I never held the phone
like it was your hand.
Unsent text
I want so much to knock on the door to your happiness and ask if I can love you too.
Selfishly I want to share what was never mine
How can I ask for forgiveness for wanting to be loved in the way that I can’t
A beautiful cliche of the human experience
I am a whisper who yearns to be a voice
Like a puzzle piece I want to fit where it makes sense but is not correct
I am not an enigma
The secrets of my universe want to be shared
To those who are willing to hold a space for my heart, I grant you all my wishes
I’ve written a dozen letters
to my ex
all were from the heart
But the judge says, ‘no!’
… I am forbidden
so the letters will remain unsent
You see I tried to be loving
dashing them with my cologne
and doing smiley faces and hearts throughout
But she loves me no more
and has me restrained from
being her love once again
So the letters are smeared
with titanium tears
and the words are hard to read
But the prose comes from my heart
each line chagrined with chaos
tempting to recover what we once had
Dare I? Do I?
Place these letters in the outgoing mailbox
so her weary eyes can see our once true love…
is viable again.
Staring at the screen, a message unspoken Parallel universes whisper, 'what if?' unbroken Should I send it, or let it fade? A choice that echoes through the cosmic shade
What we have is amazing, a love so true But what we could have is tremendous, waiting anew A possibility that beckons, a chance to explore A universe of what-ifs, forever in store
I see letters addressed to you stacked on my shelf,
I know you are gone but the desire to post it to you is ever so strong.
But I guess I am wrong for thinking this way
As many have told me to just “move on”
And live my life according to societal standards of abandonment and grief.
But the unsent messages play on my mind,
Bind me to the idea that I must eradicate the memories of you
And destroy the unsent letters.
My heart was young
flirtatious
all I could think about was you
farming my grandparents fields
sunkissed body
glistening bronze
a young girl's dream
those summer nights
I'd stay up writing letter after letter
telling you how I felt
wanting so much to ask you out,
but didn't have the courage
summer came to an end
so did my letter writing
when you vanished from view
if only I would have sent you my letters
maybe then
just maybe
you and me
we might have been something
Lord you laid down your life for me
I am not worthy to even kiss your feet
Dusty words used on repeat seem weak
Unopened letters from heavy heart bleeds
I am so full of sin and selfishness
How can I write you when I am
Lost in the darkness of my worldly ways
Like a bat I hang upside down
Blinded by your light but praising you Christ
For the calligraphy of your heart
Wrote liquid loving words of faith
Your sacrifice saved my soul my life
And I am grateful yet blind
As to what word I can find
Great enough to describe you
How can I pray when words get in the way
Can I dance you a note
Filled with the Holy Ghost
Can turquoise tears I shed
Be a poem my eyes write
Each time I sin is like
Nailing you again to the cross
What letters can hearts write
To heal your wombs
The elephant in the room
Without you all are doomed
Thank you for forgiveness
Thank you for knowing me
Better than I know myself
I throw myself at your feet
Asking you to read my heart
Lovingly Yours,
And the letter ended
Followed by my name,
Beside it, a heart is carefully drawn.
The sky spotless clear, the stars are shining brightly.
Coffee in hand, leaning on a cool windowsill.
We are under the same sky, hope you see it too,
While enjoying your tea and cloudless end of day.
A beautiful sunset, a warmth color palette.
Migratory birds adding texture to my view,
Maybe I can paint it for you, a masterpiece.
Just another day I would want to spend with you.
If I can grab your hand and pull you beside me.
Today, the ocean's so calm, a peaceful morning.
Salt breeze in my hair, bare feet touching the waves.
It's a longing, to do it together with you.
Every blissful time I have had, I think of you
All is written, signed and sealed.
But I'm weak, to ever know your response.
All the time, it goes to the drawer, the keeper of secrets.
Carlos, Hanna, my dear friends,
you met such early ends,
and I'm empty inside.
I ushered at your wedding.
Warm love you'd soon be spreading -
the happy groom and bride.
I'll love you both forever -
forget your friendship - never.
Carlos and his spouse.
You treated me as your kin -
meals, holidays, way back when,
inside your cozy house.
Marriage, family and friends -
you never said, "it depends".
You always honored them.
Your lives served as a guide.
To me you did provide
life's lesson - such a gem.
Carlos, all those years of pain,
despite cancer, you'd maintain
goodness through and through.
Hanna, what a shock to hear
you too were taken that year.
The world has lost you two.
So, this letter is to say,
'twas too soon to go away,
if I could let you know.
Just sixty and sixty-three,
you meant so much to me,
and I miss you so.
Just like George Jones when
He Stopped Loving Her,
death, the only thing that could occur
To enact what only this loss could secure
(Killing the love he had for her)
I've counted and underlined in red
each time an “I love you” was said
Until the pages, written in blue ink
Resembled nothing more I think
Than a passionate patriotic prose
Red white and blue superimposed
Over words of love and promises not kept
Sprinkled liberally with the tears I've wept
For you were not nearly as noble as
That great country singer gentleman
For whom only his untimely death can
Erase his love and promises.
All it took for you, Great Lout,
Was a younger face and lips that pout
They always say that sin will out
One who for others don't care about
And the keeping of your word you flout
So although now I know the truth
I act more like George than I care to do
How I wish that I could forget you too
For all these letters I won't send to you
Are filled with my love in red white and blue.
It was long over due,
cleaning out the garage made me blue.
A job we like to put off,
because the dust makes us cough.
Old boxes on every shelf,
top shelf I can't reach by my self.
I remember that faded flower box,
filled with love and a toy fox.
As I opened the top not knowing what I would see,
I found a card with a big yellow bee.
A thinking of you card I should have sent,
every word I had meant.
I read and read,
until I had pain in my head.
Then on the very bottom,
I found a painful time called autumn.
It was when we said good-bye,
you felt you needed your wings to fly.
As the pretty leaves came down,
so did my many tears like a sad clown.
All these unsent letters and cards have sat,
knowing he was such a dirty rat.
I am trying to hold back all my tears,
While writing to you about all those abusive years.
When did you decide to turn into a monster?
You treated me as a prisoner, who was captured.
Sitting, here I try to make sense of all your heartless actions.
Your hatred towards us was unscrupulous and devious.
Although I tried my best to be an obedient and loving wife,
You cut my heart into pieces let it bleed, and almost end my life.
I had to endure so much pain and suffering,
I prayed for an abrupt ending.
Many nights I contemplated taking my life and committing suicide.
But then I realized I could not be selfish like you, I have to stay alive.
My kids need me, my sweet angels.
Who also have to endure your rage, to see it was very painful.
You thought we will end up on the street,
When you stole my house to get married.
Finally, my voice is free, that is why I am writing to you today.
To tell you, for all your evil deeds you will pay.
Although you will never read my thoughts,
This unsent letter represents my unspoken words.
If only you knew why I gave you up
You would not stew or stare at me
With those cold eyes of a stranger
If only you knew how I held you
close to my breaking heart
Comforting your tiny tears with mine
You would not throw at me
those icy daggers of yours
If only you knew that I love you
As much as any mother loves her child
You would consider me yours
If only you knew the visions I had
Of us living, loving and laughing together
You would forgive me for not being able to
If only you knew the reason for my silence
We would be having dinner tonight
In the peace of our home
If only you knew what you'll never know
I could somehow forgive myself
Or forget my miserable misery
If only you knew...
10.22.2020
For Silent One's "If only you knew" contest
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