Expecting love from a stranger
Is quiet a deaf danger
When you've never known love,
You've always been a desolate lonely dove
Who can't rise above
Her melancholic misery,
Oh poor dove, you can't find love!
What's the point of waiting
Like a dog for its master,
When misery is you laughter
And love is as lonely as hating.
Alone you came and alone you'd go,
How could you believe that you finally became someone's eyes’ glow.
Your family believes you're the sight that makes the eyes sore,
Did you really make it up that someone finally loved you when you were bored?
Oh unloveable, unworthy failure,
No love no affection there is for you,
Don't even think about some white knight as your saviour.
Self-loathing is your golden as much as it is your blue.
I look in the mirror and say,
‘Show me that I’m not unloveable.
I want tabula rosa,
to stop thinking I’m so unloveable.
Amelioration of my own view
is the first step to letting it flow inside.
Allow transformation to unfetter
a smile or a touch.
Samsara starts as the decrepit feed soil
that becomes fuel for rejuvenescence.
Relinquish control to the divine,
sit back let your soul shine. ‘
Amelioration of my own view
begins right now, it starts today.
‘I know now I am not unloveable.’
I look in the mirror and slay.
Hidden in weeds
heart vavle on squeezed.
Watch me not bleed.
Even if it cuts deep
Keeps you away from
My bule boredom face
Made you see unloveable me.
On a big screen .
Waiting for your glance at me.
Human floating
Spirt weak
night terror screams.
Dark heart beating weak.
With a single glance
Staring right though my core
reflection hides and retreats .
Shadows knows you will be bored
Once you uncover all my stains
Not fooling me
I won't succeed .
odds that were against
Unloveable me.
No way you will feel the same
once you finally see .
When you leave my hand
Alone
While you are own your course
I 'll be cast in a forgotten land .
Unloveable me
drifting slowly away
Into space ,
Saying no more
You had the key
You were to save me.
I'll never be loveable
Without you baby
Unloveable me always.
UNLOVEABLE ME
“feeling not thinking, soul with love linking ~
we attained God consciousness unblinking”
I've been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve
that I try too hard to love others
that I open my heart up to pain because I try
and try again to help others and to love those
that some people consider unloveable
But my question for those that criticize me is
"Why don't you?"
How can you see all the pain around you and do
nothing? or turn your back to what you see each day?
How can you not reach out?
Homelessness, addiction, cancer, food insecurity,
inflation rising so fast that many people can not keep up,
healthcare costs so high that sometimes the choice
is care or food? How can I turn my back when
I have plenty, yet blanch at a $50 co-pay?
Love one another is a command that I hear often,
yet I don't see many people trying to do it
I do love others, and I try every day to show God's love
to those that feel unloved and when I find someone else trying,
I can feel our souls link and my heart sighs
Unloveable
It’s my only vice —
don’t make me say it twice.
A master of none,
a better way to say:
I’m an expert at nothing,
but I do many things.
I pick and I pull
until they aren’t there,
leaving me with the scalpel
to make the repairs.
My whole life, I felt like something was missing, like my heart's desire was only half full. But, I was okay.
Then one day,
because you liked me,
because you wanted me, because you took me out on dates,
because you made love to me,
because you needed me and I needed you too, all that changed.
For the 1st time, my heart's desire was filling up, and it was finally full. Nothing was missing.
But, then one day,
because you still loved your ex,
because you went back to her when she needed you,
because I couldn't go back to feeling like something was missing,
because I didnt know how to let go, and
because now, you even have a new girlfriend.
In hindsight, I let my heart's desire make me unloveable, and even though I'm not okay right now, I will be,
Because My Heart Desires.
i tried so hard to be gentle for you, to be quiet for you
i tried to silence my anger so your adulation could be heard
in the end, you did make me quiet. but, my anger is still there, pulling at the strings keeping me together. she wants to get out.
i must keep her in, she hurts too many, she ruins too much, maybe that's not her, maybe that's me. maybe that's you.
your initials will always be engraved into my soul. my eraser broke, i'm stuck with this branding.
you called me pretty, but a pretty face is nothing when you have a vandalized soul. you made me unloveable.there is no longer room for anyone else's name.
you hated my anger, but she loved you. I think she still does.
You've made me feel
weak
Pathetic
Small
You've made me feel
Inadequate
Shameful
unloveable
And raw
You halted my dance
And forced me to crawl
You taught me true fear
I'll never trust anyone
Ever
Not at all
You've fed me to the wolves
And left me to rot
Berated my name
And proved im easily forgot
You've made me feel
Jealous
Sad
Enraged
You've made me feel
Vacant
Hungry
And caged
Even with walls already built
From deep within me
you stole
My hopes and my dreams
My chance
At ever being whole
left bewildered and broken
Sunken and cold
Questioning How to protect
What is left
of my soul
All I am is me;
Broken heart worn on my sleeve;
Forever friend zoned,
A fight with ‘unloveable’;
Yet, a hopeless romantic.
Inside my brain resides
A deadly combination
Of my mother's maniacal heritage
And my father's drunken rages.
A perfect storm, if you will,
Leaving behind dreams
Destroyed by doubt
And hopes undone by fear.
Leaving darkness and chaos,
Echoes of what was
Or what could have been.
Broken bones scattered
In the recesses
Blown by winds of despair;
The worst of nature and nurture.
Yet a small flame still burns
Ever so dim, ever so constant,
Waiting for a gentle breath
Of compassion to fuel its light,
Waiting for love and understanding
To shield and protect it;
Compassion, love and understanding
That must come from within
And flow from my heart.
As I grow in strength, I strive
To overcome anger and hate
And desire for revenge.
I work to cultivate forgiveness
And let go of ill will;
Loving what has been deemed
Unloveable
And esteeming what has been deemed
Unredeemable.
I release the captives residing in prisons
Awaiting my judgment;
For they are not mine to judge.
Inside my brain resides a perfect storm
Twisted and turned;
Tempered and tamed
By clouds of compassion.
10/18/2018
God
I have not seen God's face; but I know he's there.
I feel and see him all around me.
In my blindness, you are my vision.
From the birds in the sky; to answer to prayers.
I may not hear God's voice, but he talks to me through his word.
God has raised me up in my time of trouble when no one else did.
Love me when I was unloveable.
Thank you, God, for hearing me, when I was lost.
For giving me hope, holding me in your arms in my moment of doubt
For showing me the way; through the darkness.
I may not always understand your ways,
but God I put my trust in you.
Each step I take, I will give you all of me.
Was told my dog Rover chased someone on a bike
Can't be true, he hasn't ridden a bike since he was a tike
People causing trouble
Makes em unloveable
Did you ever think it could be a Rover lookalike
Real courage is something you find deep inside
When your down and almost beaten
When you rise against the odds
Against logic and reason and yet succeed
To cou rage is to rout it
To mercilessly dominate all of you fears
And plough forwards regardless
This is real courage
To hope in the hopeless
For dispair is hopes time to shine
To stay true in falsness
For falsenes is truths time of brightness
And love, what is love
To love the unloveable
To love in the face of hatred, this is true courage
To love in hope and faithfulness
So go and take from this more courage than you'll ever need
Love without limits, hope anyway and stay true, love
Everything is still now
I feel that every second I lose a pound
The peace is so relaxing can't hear a sound
The time pass by like leaves in a breeze
The calming silence is unbearable now
I have to make sounds this is terrible
My soul is unloveable and breakable
Still I feel this Calming Silence
In the music, everything burns away
And I’m left in a soundless vacuum filled with faceless people
The emotions that were bubbling inside my soul
Spilling out into a great dark intangible space
Suddenly I realize
For the millionth time
That I am broken
Helpless but not hopeless
Disgusting but not repulsive
Unloveable but not unloved
That I don’t have it together
That I never will
Control was never in my hands
It’s in yours
Along with the whole world
I hurt
Because I am sinful
I hurt
And you know I hurt and you’ve felt my pain
I hurt
But you love me and there’s nothing I can do to change that
Deep breath, give it all up, begin again.
There is always time to start over.
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