Underpants Poems | Examples

'I'm the Queen of France'

    A room full of optical illusions
    Hypnotized Sue, who shared her delusions

      Screaming ‘I’m the Queen of France’
      Clothed only in underpants

    Revealing her twin buxom protrusions

AFTER THE PARTY

AFTER THE PARTY

After the party I awoke on a desert island
At least I thought so, with the blinding sun
And a view of all those swaying palm trees
Well, perhaps it was me who was swaying
My head was thumping as if bongos playing
And wet with sweat at over eighty degrees
I guess that last night must have been fun
But just where I am now, I don’t understand

Perhaps it’s the Tahitian picture on the wall
And the bright morning sun is streaming in
I am wearing my underpants front to back
Probably a game, or a sort of joke on me
But is that the ocean out there that I can see
Maybe it was daybreak before I hit the sack
So many cocktails made with pink hued gin
It’s such a pity I cannot think straight at all

There’s still noisy laughter outside in the hall 
Just the usual cheap upper floor motel room
It may be my own, I suppose I should check
My mouth is so dry and my head is spinning
Have I been drunk from the very beginning
But is this a floral garland around my neck
It can only be my vivid imagination, I assume
I’m not on an exotic tropical island after all

Balmy Or Frigid

It's moderating, yee haw it's warming a bit
Finally it's getting above zero
Just a while ago thought 50 was freezing
Now it's balmy from a few days ago

In comparison temps can feel warm or cold
Depending on what we're accustomed to
50 can feel downright damn balmy or frigid
Really not much us guys can do

Go with the flow, that's what I always say
At 50 in the fall wear a coat
At 50 in spring strip down to your underpants
Coz 50 is balmy, no joke

So there you have it, that's my take on things
Humans are hard to comprehend
Hard to try to figure us modern guys out
It'll drive you around the bend

Changing Colors

A pale sunlight
only partly had dressed the windowpane.
The lemons in the kitchen
looked like limes.

The metal pots and pans
did not gleam
but were pastel-washed
with a dewy lip-gloss.

The kettle was ready,
it strained its spout
as if impatient to turn the air
into warm Irish mist.

Father entered
in his baggy white underpants,
he always shaved in the kitchen.
His open razor scraped slowly
at his blue chin
like an old push-along grasscutter.

Mother flushed the toilet
that I and father had forgot to do.

School was 3 miles away,
and I had to change
the paintbox of my ordinary life
in order to shine amongst friends.

Knicker Nabber

I'm looking for knickers and it's a worry;
What'll I do if I'm caught in a hurry?
(These days my signals have got a bit blurry.)

I've looked in the closet and under the bed.
I know that's strange but who knows where I'll shed? 

I've found only two and I know there were more.
They're not in the dryer nor in the wrong drawer,
Not on the line or in the fridge door. 
(You'll gather by this that I've lost things before!)

What have I done? Have I made a mistake or
Could it be that I've harbored an underpants taker?

Stay Or Go

Went shopping for new underpants
In the hope I might find some romance
Half way to the shop, bumped into a cop
Who held up his hand and said, “Stop.”

He told me, “The road ahead’s blocked,
turn back or you’re gonna be shocked.”
Then there was a teeth jarring yell
And he ran like a ferret from hell

I stared at the road up ahead
And the thing I saw filled me with dread
A spider the size of a horse
Ate a puppy with little remorse

It chewed it and spat out its bones
Ate the owner to silence his groans
Did I believe what I could see?
I did when it moved towards me

Well I’m not gonna kid you, I fled
Which made perfect sense in my head
Had I stayed, there would be no romance
But I’d sure need those new underpants

Preteens Reading Preferences

Mystery books have been devoured by preteens since the fifties.
I remember graduating from Nancy Drew to Trixie Belden.
Or maybe it was the other way around.
In eighth grade I discovered Agatha Christie and “Then there were none”.
I think a few boy readers read The Hardy Boys, but not many.
Boys wanted to be moving usually, not reading.
Today’s preteens are reading the Goosebumps books.
Each chapters ending in a cliffhanger, to urge you toward the next chapter.
I read a few chapters of them. They are not intriguing.
They did not entice boys, but the Captain Underpants book did.

The Projected Version of Me, the Printed Impression of You

THE PROJECTED VERSION OF ME,
THE PRINTED IMPRESSION OF YOU!!



Beep beep is the sound of the room, 
when the fantasy turned into a fraction of pain!

Fine fine is the voice I heard,
to a freaky father who was in chaos for months! 

Boringly bathing, naively speaking,
took years of my life doing nothing!

Never thought of being a nerd,
ever stopped of being heard!

I was ten past one, I heard the sound,
it wasn't the hell, wasn't the heaven!

Wandering like a vagabond, 
wondering where I was born!

Smugglers noise sensed my breath,
neither dance nor defense I am skilled with!

The wetness of my underpants told me I am not okay!

If I wish to survive,
I wanted to drive!

The hoarse voice of a bruiser woke me up a little!

Fortunate or unfortunate,
I got to know I am being soaked and dripping in blood!

It gave me a hour of consciousness,
to explore how heaven looks like!

Hardly Harassment's Happen, However Hundreds die,
Hunger Of Feckless People Never Die!!

Sister In-Law C To C

The destiny in a stirred syrup. A two-string one. 
Condensed, sticky and uncomfortably glued to a cause. 
A mono in nature. 
Like a skilled handyman, 
with a must to-do space. 
A shared space. 
A shared controversy.
A stained cloth. And an unapologetic face. 
 
I am not a math-pro. I hate numbers. And I don’t watch captain underpants. 
I am a freelance interpreter, 
where medical terms reach both male and female bodies, 
In the same manner. 
The office space is all about this. Equity. 
Up roaring hands in overturning platform. 
 
I wanted. 
I pleaded. 
I turned myself into a special spice 
in competition of her ethical or non-ethical one. 
 
My poetry is not an arrogant one.  
A mere self-sustaining one. 
To calm through the fiercest stormy nights. A mono. 

Where she needs rejection in knowledge, 
I earned in pristine. 
But both empty, 
folded beyond junkies. 

An arrogant junkyard, leading our visions, 
in seas, mountains and 
with these very own material eyes.  
C to C.

No One Has Found Her To This Day

Giant spider playing in this warlock’s game
Crawled out of mirror and called out Lady’s name
She was askance, fearful and sick.
What kind of magic was this trick?

The spider gave her an arrogant glance
We’ve got to hurry if we’re to capture France.
Lady Shalott was a bit askance
Was that spider wearing underpants?

She followed him, for she feared him so.
They travelled down the steps to landing below.
She got her night lamp, which gave off a glow.
And headed to France, without a row.

Giant spider transmogrified that night.
Into a spaceship with a blinking light.
Captured Lady Shalott and took her away.
No one has found her to this day.

Harmless Guest

Harmless guest


Underneath Zoom chair
Some small creature fleeing in confusion

Ah ha, a brown lizard, harmless four-legged guest

Hiding and scared, aren’t you?
So am I
Please do not visit me in bed tonight

Mi-casa-su-casa
prey on insects and spiders all you want
and Thank you
for house cleaning service

Mi-casa-su-casa
Enjoy this big playground
hanging out in small covered spaces
under any couches, chairs, desks, bookshelves, or tables in the house
Closets, vents, baseboards, cushions, and potted plants
unlimited places to hide

One early morning
A two-legged guest picks up his underpants
Surprise!
A four-legged guest skydive dropping onto the ground
fleeing in amusement

Fire Ants

granny sat on a mound of fire ants
who crawled right into her underpants
they bit her right on the rump
and boy did she begin to jump and bump
she wiggled and bobbed and did a funny prance
and we never even knew she could dance

Insects Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Angela Tune
01/15/22

Covid Says Remain Are Stupid Ha Ha

It's been confirmed by Covid 
Remain voters are stupid 

We've vaccinated more 
than Germany + France 
will be first up out the door 
whilst they're in underpants

Two Wolves

Each of us have two wolves living inside us
One wants to eat burritos
and watch horror movies.

The other wants to walk about 
in its underpants all day 
snacking on cheetos between long naps. 

The wolf that thrives is the one 
who lives on with diabetes while the other
dies of a heart attack.

It Was a Good Morning Until

It was a good morning until I got your letter
You admitted you didn't love me any more
My desire for revenge I would unfetter
When I returned the key to your door

You weren't at home as I’d arrived early
So I put itching powder in your underpants
I’d love to see that when you’re with Shirley
Perhaps it would put paid to your new romance

Before I collected my belongings I left you a gift
I’d sewn a dead mouse into the hem of your curtain
The smell of its rotting body would be hard to shift
Bedroom action would be curtailed that’s for certain!

It Was a Good Morning Until.. Poetry Contest

Sponsored by Tania Kitchin

02/13/21

• Short Underpants Poems
• Famous Underpants Poems
• Best Underpants Poems
• Read Underpants Poems
• Long Underpants Poems
• Underpants Quotes