Short Tampons Poems

They found old tampons that were damp
So archeologists at camp
Questioned if terra
Has a named era
For the period of this cramp...

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A Vampire by the name of Lee
Wanted to make himself some tea.
He searched far and wide,
He hoped he would find inside,
Two used tampons or three…...

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If I were a guy…I’d…

Go on a hunt
Learn to punt
Fix my own brakes
Eat rare steaks
Sport long johns
Stomp on tampons
Start bar fights
Ignore red lights
Swing a big axe
Stare at huge racks
Pack a huge luger
Nail a rich cougar!

*For Frank's Contest...

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there once was
an English chap
that had a car
plate that read
5DODRZ

he stopped in
the medicine
shop and
bought
a box

of tampons for
his eldest but
instead of
one box
they

gave him a lot
he exclaimed
i don't have
that many
bloody

daughters...

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Texas Debate

State troopers are taking their tampons
Maxi pads – those that have wings
They’re afraid that some women might toss them
Along with some old girly things
You see congress out there in Texas
Is debating the meaning of life
Abortion and anti-abortion
Protests at the Capital’s rife
They fear for the Congressmen’s safety
They want to disarm violent ones
But Texans you know being Texans
Still allow them to bring in their guns

Uncle Mike...

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Want to cancel your student loan debt?
Sixth call about it this week.
If I had an outstanding student loan 
it would be fifty years old by now.
I read their texts and roll my eyes.
The next text comes in. 
Want to add two inches to your willy? 
If I did it would be a whopping two inches.
A happy jazzy song about tampons shouts at me from the TV.
Please take me back to the olden days, the fifties and sixties.
When none of this stuff was marketed on TV or on a telephone....

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