Short Self Disgust Poems

I'm covered in dirt
that i can't scrub off
no matter how hard i try

A film of pure filth
of self disgust
still see that look in your eye

You did that to me
 and you cant take it back
no matter what measure of time

Will feel your mark 
in my skin and my soul
right till the day that I die...

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Snow's 
whisper.
Soft Slippers,
Kittens playing.
Husbands face when caught before meal snacking.

Having a silent phone on my Birthday.
Hurtful words said.
Self disgust,
Lost trust.
Crime.


Paula Swanson 
7/17/2011
For the contest:  Smiles And Frowns
Sponsored by, Michael J. Falotico...

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I’m sorry I left so abruptly.
I knew it would end premature.
Wasn't strong enough you see.
Didn't really tell anybody.
Hidden from most
Exposed to few
Not even fully.
Masked by comedy.
The little things poked
Poked so much between my temples
Too many thoughts I suppose
Led to this manifestation
Self-pity
Self-disgust
Much love....

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self disgust 
and disappointment
for the slip-up
but I need to know
what cheapens intimacy
devaluing myself
devalues anyone 
with whom I 
would share something 
valuable
it's why 
I'm detoxing from 
all these dopamine pumps
and anesthestics 
(gambling and alcohol)
how could online "intimacy" 
not be included in
the mix that
keeps me from 
feeling
all must go
until this backlog
can be managed...

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The tryer


 in short bursts, the quiet expresses 
a need to communicate about work
done but not published

Self-critical, raked with doubts 
with no connection to the world
of publishing 

Offer from publishers is that he will pay
them, is like paying for sex; it leaves
behind self-disgust, this unbecoming
need to see one's words in print

The hard part is to admit to the lack
of talent, what else is there to do
other than collecting old stamps 


...

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