Short Pees Poems

old dog
pees on oriental rug
angry...

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Who is watching who?

  Monkey makes a fool of you

    ~ First he pees, then poos....

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 cute as a button 
his name is little skunk U 
when he pees, le pew !...

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"This is mine, and this is mine, and so is this,"
Says my unfixed dog, Willy, on all he does piss....

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The General was 
stunk by bees,
when come him 
outside as to pees.
He cried like a child
and turned his eyes 
wild.
He cried "I must 
shoot at these bees"...

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Line up for the lav-a-tree doggies, please
The grass is smelling alike mouldy cheese
Pass the word around 
That what you have found
Is a more refined way to do one's pees....

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I know a woman who pees
with every succulent sneeze
It gets on her hose
and also on those
things hanging down to her knees! 


*Jan - I'll bet you've got a photo on file which would go with this...

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A pool player taking a snooze
Had a dream that his match he would lose.
	Since his bladder would squeeze
	He was minding his pees
But he should have been minding his cues!


for Andrea's "Show Me the Funny" contest...

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A transgender person from Lees,
Undergoing the "change" by degrees,
Faced the final decision,
Ere the final incision,
Should she sit or stand up when she pees?


July 30, 2023
Entered in A Bawdy or Funny Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchen
4th Place...

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I,m off down the park for a walk with Rover,
I shouted back to my wife.
Well I dearly hope you both get run over,
For your pets are the bane of my life!
Charming, I thought as I slammed the front door,
Can,t a man have a simple pet.
It,s not as if he pees on the floor,
He,s the best goldfish I,ve had yet!...

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Fame
feeds in sugar
left from the horses
race
and makes sausages
perfectly the same
grows in garbages
of another planet
plastic Venus
that never pees
in a public toilette
dresses like a hooker
and spends in Vegas
every weekend...

Talking about fame
it's like kicking
an empty
soup can
or getting a kick
on your butt
from the blind horse
next door......

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  Tried to prevent,
  Dogs from snacking on the cat litter smorgasbord.
  Bought a gate,
  But it's too late!
  Cats to old,
  Not very bold.
  Pees outside of gate,
  Oh, what to do,
  He's peed in my shoe!
  The gate works fine,
  For those dogs of mine.
  Now if I could just get my cat,
  To pee on the other side!
  While he's still alive!
...

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GIRAFFATACK
   In treetops high up
     Spot victims, raises up neck
       ~ Pow! Eats shoots, then leaves 


MONKEY SHINES
   Who is watching who?
      Monkey makes a fool of you
         ~ First it pees, then poos

RATTJLE SNAKE
   Beware Mister Snake
      Poisonous tail, rattle and shake
         ~ Man, your life's at stake!

JUNGLE NEWS
   Dozens are crying
      Maimed creatures lay dying
        ~ Snarfed by a lion...

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At the pool hall, the bathroom was closed.
Pipes were punctured, the plumber supposed;
But some pro had to go,
Thinking no one would know
If his flow didn’t have him exposed.

So he piddled but there were some clues,
For some drops hit competitors’ shoes.
Soon a sign on the wall
Was a warning to all – 
Players, please mind your pees and your cues!


Written February 28, 2021 for the Two Limericks Contest
of Tania Kitchin. Syllable count self-checked....

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