Short Danged Poems

there once was a sad mollusk named earl
who always lived in constant peril
when someone swam too close by
and flipped sand in his eye
he was forced to make a danged pearl...

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When Simple Simon met the pieman going to the fair,
He thought the guy an easy mark he could con out of his wares.
But the pieman glared at him and hissed,
"Bub, I ain't no danged pie-lanthropist!
Admit I must, you've got some crust,
But show me dough and then my wares I'll share."...

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Yesterday
So understated
Yet necessary as a stair step
Toward the best day of your life
Unless you have already had it.
Which would be 
So
Danged
De
Press
Ing
Because that would 
Mean that you
Are standing
In the window
Of your
Mind 
Looking
Back 
To
Yesterday
Instead 
Of enjoying
Your 
Today....

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I am leaving work today at one.
To meet granddaughter and have some fun.
We will shop and eat and act so danged young!
I sing from a rooftop using my biggest lung.

Molly graduates on Saturday.
Starting a new life to live her very own way.
This may be her grandma’s last chance
To frolic, laugh, listen, whistle, play and dance....

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Moses led the Israelites up out of Egypt through the desert to the Promised Land.

   He hesitated but God roared, "Mo, you the man!" placing a magic staff in his hand!

So Moses with resolute stride led the rowdy bunch to the land of milk and honey,

   Muttering to himself, "Danged if I'll ever do this again for any amount of money!"

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved...

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John Holmes is dead, but I have heard it said,
He used to walk the nude beach getting tanned,
He'd shoot the crowd a moon,
Then amble 'cross each dune,
Behind him leaving three tracks in the sand.

Poor John is dead, a casket for his bed,
But rigor mortis settled in his hose,
In the lid we'll bore a hole,
And through it thread his pole,
Or else we'll never get the danged thing closed....

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My lair moved to human surroundings
I've tried to adjust but I'll be danged
While little people's misbehavior triggers groundings
Despite my efforts to fit in with wardrobe changed
When I act out I get hanged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Written by Nancy Jones on August 7, 2011 between cleaning the litter box and going out for (more!) cat food.
Inspired by Francine Roberts and her contest “Hangin' in there”...

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Grandpa’s barn held many secrets
We were cautioned to never open the boxes out there
We figured there were skulls and bodies in them.
When we were six we opened some

Found report cards but did not understand the A’s and B’s.
We were graded with S’s and G’s at the time. 
Took them to Grandpa who explained them this way.
A for awful, B for Bad, C for Correct, D for danged Good and F for fine.

Grandma had been an awful student!...

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Hail hail the gang's all here!
Auld Lang Syne and singing toasts,
Pretty well shnockered with all that cheer,
Pitching me, the designated driver host.
Y'all ishz djusht the mosht!

Never seen it from this side,
Everybody's lookin' kinda fried.
Wishishin you da bestest buddy!

You know, I'm pretty glad I'm here,
Every one of these trusted, trusting friends is very dear.
Actually this shady deal was pretty danged raw.....
Roasted buddies fixed me with the short straw!!...

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