Scooted Poems

Fighting over the Best Seats in the Cheese Spa

Morey was thrilled because the cheese spa was coming.
The refrigerator made happy sounds, it was fairly humming.
The cheese was melting ahead of time in the microwave.
Morey was the first family member in; he is extremely brave.

This is not only comfortable, but tasty too he told the rest.
There was cheddar, provolone, but he liked the blue cheese best.
He scooted aside for his brothers, and his sister began to wail.
They have the best seats she whined; a complainer without fail.

Charlie Sheepdog Has a Scare

Shetland Sheepdog Charlie jumped high in the air
Sheep he could handle, but this creature was unfair
As far as he knew it was an alien or a creature from far away
I was lucky to have my camera that day

I wish now I had put it on video, for it was a hilarious sight
Charlie ran off and hid, almost into the night
The mouse had been scared too, but he was braver now
He scuttled in the barn and hid under the cow

My children were going to call Charlie names like Scaredy Cat
I told them this would hurt him, so please don’t do that
One of them wanted to keep the mouse in his room.
I scooted the creature out of the barn with a broom.

The Embrace that only Glenn Hughes could Orchestrate

She was welcomed into my house
where she entered and said…
what is that quite romantic music playing?

Oh, it is Glenn Hughes on my vinyl record player
and I showed her how it spins and plays the tunes 
she was amazed 

And then she asked me…
may I have this dance
to which I held her in my arms

Glenn sang and we danced
bowed and swayed, scooted and hopped
all the maneuvers of lovers

And then I looked in her eyes
and she was crying
“What is it my love”, I asked

“It is that I wish to dance with you to Glenn’s music
For all eternity, forever and a day
I don’t ever want to stop”

“But my love”, I said…
“Glenn has over 50 years of songs
We can dance through the night to all his albums”

Her tears began to dry
As she let me hold her dear tight
and she moved in rhythm and twirled in my arms

“Would you like to see Glenn in concert”, I asked
“Oh would I” she exclaimed 
“Then a trip to the venue it will be”

But tonight will be with Glenn on vinyl
singing his romantic songs to us
as we so deeply embrace

Blooming Betty

Bad breath Betty
Never had a steady
Or anything
Be it friend or foe.
Everyone avoided her don't cha know.
Then she went to the zoo
Met Evalynn
Who blew flowers through her nose.
Betty had to find out how that goes.
Evalynn said, "step near,
I'll tell you the secret
That no one must hear.
Lean closer now!"
And Betty did.
What she said would have shocked you,
But remember,
This is a zoo.
Animals talk,
And know what to do!
Betty was instructed this day,
To visit the zebra bay.
They ate bulbs,
Then pooped them away.
Betty scooted down,
And scooped the bulbs up,
Injected them all,
Without a hiccup!
A few days later,
Much to her surprise,
Flowers began to grow,
Out of her eyes!
Sweet smelling gardenias,
Fragrant roses,
Covered Betty's bad breath,
Better than all the rest!
She went out to town,
Started nosing around,
Soon made friends,
Became the class clown!
Now she is called Blooming Betty,
Even has a steady.
Has so many friends,
Her steady wasn't ready!
But Blooming Betty doesn't care,
Her blooming breath,
Goes everywhere!

make my day

Make my day! Clint McRoostwood said.
His attitude was as staunch as his comb was red.
Many scooted away from him with dread.
His movie star status was totally well fed.
He pretended that he was superior, and well-bred.

Acorn Hair Please

Acorn hair please the squirrel said as she scooted into the chair
Same color or shape or both? Asked the beautician named Mare.
Whatever you can do, but it has to be done exactly right.
Because at six o’clock I am eloping, this very night.

So, Mare did her best, and the squirrel was pleased in all ways.
You have a great night, she said. This is one of my best days!
She invited Mare to be her bridesmaid that evening too.
But alas, Mare and her family had something else to do.

In the Forest of the Godlings

Genie, my dog: 

She was mixed part Pomeranian part Shih Tzu 
a female genius with excellent sight  
wise beyond her years she always knew how to 
appease me, when I was not feeling right 

Used to get so many migraines they were chronic
so  always had a bean bag in the freezer  
one day I lay across my carpet feeling catatonic 
to my Genie well this was not, a brain teaser 

She watched me for a while then knew what to do  
I had the beanbag sitting across my forehead 
she flipped on her backside & scooted beneath it too
side by side we lay together playing dead 

She was an empath like mom, always had a clue 
as to what to do, she was amazing   
at the ripe age of fifteen I knew what to do
I said my goodbyes then sent her in the forest of the Godlings.

Refurbished Legends: Pecos Bill Or Tall In the Saddle

There is a legend of a cowboy down in Texas
To whom they give the sobriquet of Pecos Bill.
It's said he rooted and he tooted
As across the plains he scooted,
Stetsoned, jeaned, bowlegged, and booted,
Pursuing cows and wooing gals
As was his skill.

The story goes one day while Bill was out romancing,
A cyclone came and rudely whisked the gal away.
He hopped atop the thing to ride it,
Quickly lassoed and hogtied it,
Then none the worse for wear and tear and rough foreplay,
Out stepped the gal,
And Pecos Bill had saved the day.

Now, legends often tend to get a bit inflated,
And this one here is no exception to the rule.
Some say it's too exaggerated,
I say it's well imaginated.
Like alimony oilmen often pay their exes,
Things are always so much bigger down in Texas.
Of course, it's hogwash, rubbish, bunk,
And yet how often have I thunk
That the tale of Pecos Bill is kinda cool.

Spot Admires His Boys Optimism

“One more jump and I’ll have that apple!” Leland said.
Spot scooted back another nudge or so.
He had been stepped on before, and he did not like it.
Leland jumped and jumped and jumped.
His optimism amazed Spot, he was glad Leland was his boy.

Suzette Suzette

We thought we’d be the first kids there, this was totally wrong.
Hundreds of people were shoved into Great-grandma’s tiny house.
Maybe fifty, anyway a lot.
I did not know any of them.
Come in! said a tall woman with a pinched McCormick nose.
My sister and I scooted in, holding up a wall.
Our mother escaped into the kitchen full of McCormick women.
It’s the twins! Someone said.
Great-grandma had eighteen children, not any twins.
How long do we have to stay? I whispered to my sister.
She shrugged.
Suzette, a mean first cousin walked in.
We ran toward her as if we liked her.
At least she was someone we knew.
“Suzette! Suzette!” We yelled.
She sneered at us and began playing with a second cousin.

Oliver the October Scarecrow

Oliver, the October Scarecrow was freshly made from hay.
He liked scaring the birds and the bumblebees away.
They tried to get near the pumpkin patch until they saw him wave.
His arms spiraled like a windmill at the edge of a windblown cave.

He had a mouse in his pocket, keeping it away from the cat.
There was an owl nearby, who was also eyeing it, for it was rather fat.
Tasty to the cat and the owl, but not a delicacy to Oliver at all.
His pumpkins were healthy, two of them were at least three feet tall.

There was a witch that came by and tried to cast a spell.
He did not fall for her trickery, in the meadow or the dell.
She scooted off shortly and told others about his wise ways.
He was excited about that until the end of his days.

The Bricklayer

His wheelbarrow wobbled 
Across the broken sidewalk 
Toward the job site 
Where the work was

Some girls in yellow taxis rode by and whistled at his tanned arms. 

His brown boots got chalked 
as he scuttled and scooted 
The heavy load
And he thought about her 
Again

He was so clean and polished last night
When they sat down for dinner
Around perfect white cloths
So uncomfortable for him
Only to hear her say,”I’m leaving.”

Her skin was like a pond in the morning
Before anything was awake. 
Her eyes were like Grecian isles 
Even her nose was a perfectly acute angled
Piece of her face. 

He was a bricklayer and knew his place.
And he would never ever get to kiss her face
Again. 

So today he dumped out his wheelbarrow full of bricks and started building his walls again.

Chinese Dragon Cloud

The Chinese dragon was filling up the sky
I stared as he travelled, faster than most clouds
He bumped into a lamb and a frog; they scooted.
Grayer now, he makes a viable storm cloud

I marvel at his swiftness to getting somewhere
His ability to change the dynamics of the sky
He is recruiting other clouds now, 
He has turned them into a flying gray circus tent

Within ten minutes, the sky is deepening her darkness.
I search for my umbrella, anticipating the rain we need
Alas, the clouds move to the west, giving another state rain.
I am left with a blue sky, thinking of the Chinese dragon.

Chinese Dragon Storm Cloud

The Chinese dragon was filling up the sky
I stared as he travelled, faster than most clouds
He bumped into a lamb and a frog; they scooted.
Grayer now, he makes a viable storm cloud

I marvel at his swiftness to getting somewhere
His ability to change the dynamics of the sky
He is recruiting other clouds now,
He has turned them into a flying gray circus tent

Within ten minutes, the sky is deepening her darkness.
I search for my umbrella, anticipating the rain we need
Alas, the clouds move to the west, giving another state rain.
I am left with a blue sky, thinking of the Chinese dragon.

Big Jim

Heaven help
The unfortunate bloke
Who got caught
By a big Jim joke

I heard laughing voices and wondered why
Then surfaced from gonk under open sky
Didn’t take very long to understand it
In the cookhouse queue still in my pit
Now in those days I slept in the raw
(Not these days, not any more)
Grabbed a blanket grabbed a sheet
Scooted off on my bare feet

Mustering any the dignity I could find
And showing all my bare behind

The girls all laughed for weeks and weeks
With jokes about my dimpled cheeks
And nobody knew how I got there
And by and by I didn’t care
And when Big Jim shook my hand
I forgot any revenge that I had planned
For I could see the funny side
Of my embarrassing sleepy ride

And I drank his beer in its stead
And ever after wore keks in bed

Heaven help
The unfortunate bloke
Who got caught
By a Big Jim joke

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