Funny Religious Poems | Examples
These Funny Religious poems are examples of Religious poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Religious Funny poems written by international poets.
Mary Magdalene
The Ballad I Don't Know How To Love Him sung by Yvonne Elliman, from Jesus Christ Superstar
I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I've seen myself
I seem like someone else
I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me
He's a man, he's just a man
And I've had so many men before
In very many ways
He's just one more
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love?
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny?
I should be in this position
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool
No lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope
I'd turn my head, I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so
"Jesus Christ Superstar"
3/21/22
People love to believe stupid things. Some of us find it hard to believe stupid things and laugh at those who do, until someone laughs at us for something we believe and somehow didn't realize was stupid.
I saw an old friend from school today
I asked, 'How have you been?' He replied, 'Mighty fine, and how's your day?'
It's funny but I couldn't quite recall his name
But those fiery eyes and friendly smile were still the same
You know, quite some time has passed since I last saw this friend of mine
Just think, after all this time, he was happy to see and know I was doing fine
He never asked me about the new car I was driving, my love life, or my career
He just smiled as he walked away and softly said, 'Good to see you again, take good care.'
Pray for us St. Mushroom of the Holy Sin
Keep our fingers free from sticky things
And safe from anxiety of the open hole
In the middle of the doughnut where it belongs
Deliver us twelve of them but spare the sugar tax
Sin grows in the dark so wickedly delicious
Bury us not without nutritional consideration
Or restrictions on our caloric intake please
Measure not our waistline figures without end
Have mercy on them
Bless us and deliver us from zippers
St. Peyote see fit to stitch our buttons tight
Teach us how to open the safe without explosives
To steal the contents and escape without notice
With shirts intact, fastened from top to bottom
Lost buttons are frowned upon downtown
Deliver us not into high fashion or traffic stops
Let not our mothers dress us funny after we grow up
St. Peyote, trust in us to feed the puppy only pizza
Without mushrooms. Leave them to us
Ahab puppy loved him some evil Jezebel
Lassie boy collar eyes wag the fancy tale
He sleep on her good side,
sob say the cuckold bride
Groomed so wail to fetch her bones in hell
Mi: Does God eat his boogers?
Eu: No of course God doesn't eat his boogers.
Mi: But I thought God could do anything.
Eu: Well he could eat his boogers but he just wouldn't.
Mi: So he does have boogers.
Eu: I don't know, I don't think God has boogers.
Mi: God can have anything he wants.
Eu: I don't think he wants boogers.
Mi: I don't think we can understand the mind of God.
Eu: We can't.
Mi: Maybe god is a booger.
Eu: God's not a booger.
Mi: But if God is all things, he's an all-knowing booger.
Eu: Stop it.
Mi: He's a wrathful all-knowing booger.
Eu: I'm not talking to you anymore.
All religions are false or funny
Jesus is like sweet, pure honey
No deception there,
Negative energies , nor deceiving pair
Snow-White to fatal steep or for Eve
With no witch no magic deep
To save from that death.
Only Jesus brings us breath
Life, peace, forgiveness and joy
Freeing the giant of it's toy.
Just a little lust or something free
Lures one to their trap, their tree,
Where the enemy is hiding
The evil abiding
Within the snare.
"Anyone gives a care?
Give a little more!
Success is in store!"
Some attend church to be seen, and wear their new clothes,
While others sit on their pew and silently doze.
During the service a few will check their cell phone,
With messages they just can’t seem to postpone.
Some men darken the church door out of fear,
Because if they don’t their spouse won’t let them near.
There are those that go to church because it is fun,
They like to see their friends, and talk to everyone.
Music lovers go to church because they love to sing,
And others wait for the sermon the preacher will bring.
Whatever your reason, God is watching from above.
He knows your true heart, and is full of love.
I pass gas
stand silently still
and look up straight
and away
to heaven
seeking forgiveness
and salvation
Like Last Supper of Lord
What I heard was, "Don't let it get you down,"
Think of it as woman wearing a wedding gown
Beautiful bride she was both out and inside
And none of her happiness wanting to hide.
Never shield abilities leaving them on display
And then go out and try to find another way
To make great mal you wanted to be eaten
Which ma require that you further sweeten.
Mix ingredients according to menu you are using
Even put a funny face on to look amusing
Then eat it both as main course and dessert
Remember how hard it is to remove the hurt.
Like our Lord's Supper make all of this to be
So when we look always will soon start to see
Each and everyone one of the feelings involved
Thankful all was resolved and mystery solved.
The day grew dark, the sun had set
twightlight & silence we have met,
as i gaze at the midnight sky
i start to wonder, "if god exists why does it hide?"
your ***** ass god is no god of mine!
looking left then to the right
There is no blasted god in sight.
To he who prays, you're such fools
there must be something really wrong with you
like a joke not so funny but try to laugh
& try defend it though you cant
all such prayer remains unanwered
such a god is a bastard.
There's no such thing as 1 true master
i fall over in hysterical laughter
what a retarded thing to believe
shot down for all to see
in what kingdom is he king
i cannot be so stupid as to believe
its only for some, only for the mentally weak.
If priests sold used cars and
Used car salesmen sold heaven’s land
Would you get a better warranty of faith -
In hand
Dear Lord, I’d love to meet you. I’ll just check my diary now
To see when it’s convenient, so I can squeeze you in somehow.
Oh dear, it seems on Monday night I won’t be free.
I’ve made a new acquaintance, who has invited me for tea.
On Tuesday, I’ll be at the hairdressers fixing a new style.
So I’m afraid that day won’t do, ‘cause my hair might take a while.
I can pencil you in on Wednesday between twelve and one.
But I’m conscious that my meeting may go on and on and on.
Ah, Thursday might be better, but it’s very, very tight.
I’ll be preparing a meal for friends coming over that night.
Friday is not looking good; I’ve a report that needs completing
And after that, I apologise, I’ve booked another meeting.
Saturday is family day; and we have so many things planned.
You know how family is important; I’m sure you’ll understand.
Since I’m going to church on Sunday, I’m sure I’ll meet you there.
I guess we can catch up between the worship and the prayer.
But right now Lord, I’ve got to dash, I have no time to speak.
So hopefully we’ll rearrange and attempt to meet next week!
©E.E.Ogbeta
Make Much Mirth
If God's name each day would always hallow
Then sins appearing in water when shallow
When in church are moved next to back door
Then will leave never to be seen anymore.
As disastrous days of my life increased
Each pretty day will talk with my talented priest
And ask him, "What if you lived as long as I?"
Would God in heaven be wondering why?
With his education and each great skill
For God, he has a manly mission to fulfill
Which is provide music for us who sing
And keep reminding choir has an opening.
Dastardly choir is always dressed to kill
And at times seems to be singing so shrill
Their singing is asking and trying to say
We might have to meet God only halfway.
At the unforgiven idea, I started to flip
I am receiving a ticket which is roundtrip;
Why would they want me to remain on earth?
In heaven can be merry and make much mirth.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran
I will take a jog, but will not go near the grocery store
I will pass by the grocery store, but will not open the door
I will go in there, but will not go down the aisle where the ice cream is on sale
Oh! I promise!... I just can’t feel my feet any longer!
I will look at the ice cream, but will not pick it
I will pick it up, but will not buy it
I will buy it, but will not open it
Oh! Promise! Just let me have it! It’s on sale!
Open it, but not smell it
Smell it, but not taste it
Taste it, but not eat it
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
Ohhh! Freaking deceiving joy of calories is this!
Three months to lose, but took me a minute to gain
Promise! Promise! This is the last one, I swear!
I will just go to bed when I feel like jogging again.