Saint Peyote of the Buttoned Down Shirt

Pray for us St. Mushroom of the Holy Sin Keep our fingers free from sticky things And safe from anxiety of the open hole In the middle of the doughnut where it belongs Deliver us twelve of them but spare the sugar tax Sin grows in the dark so wickedly delicious Bury us not without nutritional consideration Or restrictions on our caloric intake please Measure not our waistline figures without end Have mercy on them Bless us and deliver us from zippers St. Peyote see fit to stitch our buttons tight Teach us how to open the safe without explosives To steal the contents and escape without notice With shirts intact, fastened from top to bottom Lost buttons are frowned upon downtown Deliver us not into high fashion or traffic stops Let not our mothers dress us funny after we grow up St. Peyote, trust in us to feed the puppy only pizza Without mushrooms. Leave them to us