(for Stephen)
There’s a certain point in summer
when it feels like it’ll last forever
a dazed mix of complacency and lethargy
when everything is tired
from the gardens, to the dogs, to our senses.
Satiated perhaps, but it’s something more,
a sense we have arrived at the peak of the peak season,
the fullness of Leo,
in all his solar glory,
and what can top that?
Of course this is about the exact time the nights get cooler,
we notice the peak has passed,
and winter approaches
with all those chores undone.
So is life....
in all its simplicity,
and yet with this endless cycle of seasons
the endless cycle of human ups and downs also churns on,
all the things that
naturally arise in our habitual
dualistic mind.
And this is far more taxing and exhausting
than the external heat and dust and smoke,
exhausting and overwhelming,
at least for me.
So a good friend tells me something today
he probably didn’t make up
but just as easily as anyone could have;
“Everything you need you can get from a single exhalation.”
(Originally published in my 3rd book, Sun Made Flesh and Fiber, 2019)
Two hands holding a heart that's arrived. The heart will never witness the divide. The heart saying, "Don't ever stop holding me." The soul whispers, "I just want to be free." The hands feeling heavier, with every new heart. They have to let go,for another to start. The soul rises in the air. The heart panics, "This isn't fair!" But this was an appointment that wouldn't delay. The heart let go at 10:38. The hands kept on working. A soul slipped to the divine. A rhythmic heartbeat, now showing a flat line. So many hearts still awaiting fate. But the clock released this heart at 10:38.
Weed for a pillow
she lies,
not exactly waking
not exactly sleeping,
washed up on the morning tide
released from all the secrets she was keeping
The sky unzips its heavy coat,
And lets the hidden whispers
float.
A thousand secrets, locked in
gray,
Are spilling down to earth
today.
They pelt the roofs and slick
the street,
Confessions pooling at our
feet.
The thunder speaks in
rumbling tones,
Of ancient sins and buried
bones.
Each raindrop is a story told,
Of promises the wind
couldn't hold.
The dirt drinks up the liquid
lore,
And begs the heavy clouds
for more.
By dawn, the storm begins to
fade,
The sky forgets the vows it
made.
But every leaf and blade of
grass,
Now knows the truths that
came to pass.
Like the first snow,
Like the rain
Like the dead red leaves of autumn
Everything is gracefully falling
Into place
The way I did things before is gone
The character that did them is gone, too
I blow her away like autumn leaves
I cast her into the air like softest snow
I let her heaviness flow like water
Seeping into every in-between
Rippling, touching everything
I laugh as I go
Mother Moon whispers to me
That I am her daughter
And she has prepared a place for me
Upon her ivory shores
Where I can gaze in perfect view
At our father, Great Sun
And I’ll soak in every detail
As if the battle’s already won
The trees stand still and tall
Still, they are falling
They are shedding their old layers
They are girding their waists with ringlets, they are
Shaving bald their heads, they are
Preparing for the bare, still night of winter
To adorn themselves at dawn
The trees are standing still
Like the first snow, I am softly falling
Into the arms of grace
Like the trees, I am silently rising
Stretching out my unused wings
fishing
drop a line
use proper bait
drag set rod flexed line taut
tree limb
Unfortunate accidents.
Lucky incidents!
Slipping, tripping, when all that's held
Gravely tense bursts out.
Sprinting down what, long presumed
Of joys, unresumed
A laughing child's giggly mess
Was so blown about.
Why not cry?
When you are soaked and overshadowed,
Why not cry aloud?
Cry to release the pain
Of the poor soul, deeply wounded.
Is it unfair? Is it senseless?
I wonder why, why and why
The pain of a drowning man
Cannot be poured out through tears.
No! Though hopeless and faded,
Please, release it — just cry.
Cry in prayer at Jesus' cross,
And let your pain be relieved.
birds singing through their feathers
her heart in her skin's footsteps
will not remember where it once remembered
a shadow left lying to her breast
under trees she hopes to melt
though still on ground their stinging pelt
birds singing through their feathers
will not remember where it once remembered
like shadows, tongue's to be full u n c e a s i n g hunger
there is no way to this darkness
Dizzy and spinning, hands all around me
Are you in control?
Look at the scenery and face the trees in their winter picture
Laughter breathes it's breath on your face
Nothing will stay still and nothing can seem to conqueror this fear
This wrenching fear which has sent me into sunlight
Afraid to take a peek in the shadows alone
The night is calling but I've lost all courage
Would you like to join me or do you find comfort in your fears?
Securing you to one place and locking you down for years
So you see, death ends the life of the noisy
But fear feels like the death of soul entirely
Weightless love, purified and perfect seek out your place
Floating into the unknowing darkness, in your face
Carry off this lowered head of shame and sin
Bring it out of the blinding damp dark fog harbouring within
Raise it up into the splendour of Your ineffable light
Into the everlasting beauty of Your eternity, without night
Weightless perfect love lift this soul from its depths
Like counterpoint rising in melody ascending in simple steps
On staffs of hymns written to the praise of Your Glories
Sweeping away dissonances of disturbed minds and horror stories
Arrive within the hidden harmony of Your sublime height
Within the mysteries of Your creative genius and might
Weightless purified perfect love, imprinted on everything You’ve made
Shine through the shadows of blinded reason and senses unsaved
Hear me when I say it's okay,
to let yourself feel what is real
The tears always make you stronger
The release lasts even longer
Expression of anger redeems,
peace not depression as it gleams
Letting go of lingering shame,
all by knowing you're not to blame
Hear me, when I say it's okay,
to treat yourself well in today
The thunder will always return,
booming loud to help you discern
What it is that you need to face
All shaded by other's disgrace
A new day, always a new chance
for the best of you to advance
Heidi Sands
2/12/26
(C)opyright
Stuck in that corner of the woods,
Where beauty bleeds n' the hearts are clay,
And hope is a distant mutant ray
That fractures at the break of day.
You wake to find the same grey dust
On every window pane,
And the weight of all the yesterdays
Like rust upon the train tracks laid in vain.
You want leave, got plans for today,
But you're chained by every mistake.
Counting the cost of what it's gonna take...
At the swingin' of the doors,
Do you hear the future roarin'
Or just the silence it pours?
Is it freedom you are headin' for,
Or just a different set of wars?
At the swingin' of the doors
Keep goin'
Keep goin'
Keep goin'
Release all the negative, let it go, and make things new for us to grow.
Release all the people lost in the places that are giving them stress, let them go and live their best life.
Release the lies, the hate, the memories that bring us down, let them all go and vanish with time.
Release the people that left, let them leave us with no regret, let the ones that stay grow with us and make us feel okay.
Release the bad, make room for the good, it gives us new space for love and light to fill our days.
Releasing the negative feels good, it makes us feel light and in a good mood, for some things we cannot change, we can only pray and love and look forward to all of our happy days.
Lifting prayers to God, today and always.
On one side - the girl
Naïve, unsure.
Unaware of her possibilities.
Slender of waist,
Wide eyed and supple skinned.
Thick, curly, raven tresses.
Looking back -
Tired eyes and grey temples.
Years of forced smiling
Have left their marks.
Bolder, passionate, foul of mouth,
But still timid.
Shouting, yet invisible.
Wisdom beginning to dawn,
Yet still searching.
On one side - the boy.
Bright eyed, smooth of tongue.
His arms open wide.
Ready to catch anything thrown.
An unquenchable thirst
For knowledge.
Looking back -
A frightened old man.
White wavy locks
Frame uncertain eyes.
Guilt and remorse
Have left their marks.
Drowning in memorabilia.
Watchful, guarded, avoidant.
Yet still searching.
The earth continues to rotate,
The clock continues to tick.
Bringing sweet relief.
Released from remembering.
Released from comparing.
Released from expecting.
Released from waiting.
Finally free.
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