Coughing or sneezing simultaneously seems to lead to a slight unexpected tinkle at the wrong time and place
The sound of a cow peeing
is the wettest sound, let go
like a bucket slush on a barn slab
or so my grandfather used to
say. When my son comes home
I hear his fire hose upstairs
and remember how it was to
decompress so quickly. Grandad
once came out of the men’s
room shaking his head, and when
I asked why, he said that the room
was full of old men, half of which
couldn’t get started, and the other half
couldn’t stop. It’s my date with the moon
tonight--out the window of the master loo
at 3am. Perfect view, the creek trickling on.
Didn't know there's rules I didn't know
Till someone told me bout peeing in the snow
Gotta chuckle outta me
Filled me with glee
Will I be frozen in time like Marilyn Monroe
Often found that peeing is exhilarating
Especially when there's a fresh fall of snow awaiting
Writing your name
Guarantees peeing fame
“The Official Book Of Records” will be waiting
They say love is like peeing on your uniform
Everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth
It felt so good it did
When you were a kid
Nothing else mattered, not even your warts
Why is the sea salty, I think I know
Because of all the pee I'm sure
My conscious brain thinks it weird,
To release the pee into the water here.
Between the legs, into the salty dune,
Now there is no possibility of stopping for sure
Standing here, letting it free,
A sense of relief takes a spree
The sea is lovely vast and deep,
But everybody has urges to meet.
A lot of pee can make it eek,
So let's stop it here after the first leak.
A peeing machine, a peeing machine
That's what I've now become
About every two hours like clockwork
It's off to the toity I run
While making a speech at a banquet
Right smack dab in the middle
That old biological urge rears its head
And off I go for a piddle
Considered installing a porta-pottie
In every room of my house
It sure would make a whole lot of sense
Especially when I get soused
It certainly becomes a hairy affair
When I can't undo my buckle
So I just enjoy the cozy warm feeling
Stand and piddle and chuckle
A peeing machine, a peeing machine
That's what I've now become!
© Jack Ellison 2012
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