You wear a chest protector and a clicker,
and while I don't mean to bicker,
a whole new world could come into view.
I say this confidentially to you,
in the hopes you get my gist,
and visit an optometrist.
My Optometrist told me to blink
This may not be as bad as you think
With his light turned on high
He let out a big sigh
Said it looks like your eye's in the pink
Words get lodged in teeth.
A dental hygienist
has actually extracted a few.
Like bats words hang
from the roof of my mouth,
their subsonic squeaks
jiggle its epiglottis
like a witch doctor’s rattle.
The optometrist wears her glasses
over the bridge of her nose
like intimate lingerie,
she moves in seductively
fishes into my eyes;
her searching is a shadow-dance
on the back of an exposed skull.
Once her bright penlight
stumbled over a word
that should never have been out
on its own.
Immediately, a startled brain
put on thick rubber goggles,
I looked back at her like a deep sea fish,
caught unawares by a naked mermaid.
Must see an optometrist next week
Not saying I'm blind as a bat, but bats see better
The tiny type on TV... forget it
Don't know why they bother
Might as well be greek as far as I'm concerned
Oh for the days of my youth
When type didn't have to be billboard size
Such happy days they were
When stop signs were even difficult to read
How about that!!!
Almost hit half a dozen old people in one day
Started to record them... tried to set a new record daily
There must be something to alleviate the problem
OH GLASSES... RIGHT!
Forgot about them! Even Ray Charles wore them
And the success he enjoyed
Can you imagine bats wearing glasses
Optometrist would be flooding the workplace
So nuff said... going out to buy a better pair!
Words get lodged in my teeth,
a dentist has actually extracted a few.
My optometrist
wears her glasses like lingerie,
invitingly, and for a reason
known only to my libido - most sensually.
She goes fishing in my eyes.
with her bright penlight.
Once she stumbled over a word
she had never seen before.
My brain quickly put on its blindfold,
caught unawares.
I watched a ballplayer
wave 'Hi' to the
cardboard cut-out fans
propped up in the stands
At first I thought
It's time to find
a new optometrist
Then I remembered
This year
Everyone has
20/20 vision
Words lodge in my teeth.
My dental hygienist
has actually extracted a few.
They hang like bats
from the roof of my mouth.
Their sub-sonic squeaks
jiggle my epiglottis
like a witch doctors rattle.
My optometrist
wears her glasses like lingerie
low on the bridge of her nose.
She fishes into my eyes.
Her searching
a shadow-dance on back of my skull.
Once her bright penlight
stumbled over a word
she had never heard before.
Immediately, my brain
put on thick rubber goggles,
I looked back at her
like a deep sea fish,
caught unawares.
Dr. Blindedme by James Edward Lee Sr.
Optometrist
Poked patient
In eyes blinded
12/06/17
There once was a cross-eyed guy
Whose symptom he liked to deny
He’d always resist
His optometrist
Coz they just couldn’t see eye-to-eye
When her vision began to blur
She thought a trip to the Optometrist was the cure
But upon her visit she got bad news
It was a tumor that was blurring her views
She would need a neurosurgeon
To correct this situation
Her surgery was scheduled in two weeks
She hoped the outcome wouldn't be bleak
Family and friends gathered by her bedside
Prayers and tears were supplied
Everyone seemed calm, though they were in shock
Suddenly.... she was awoken by her alarm clock!......
Some people seem to have trouble
Admitting they're getting old
So I'll list a few warning signs
And you won't have to be told
When your arm gets too short
To read your favorite magazine
It probably means it's time
For your Optometrist to be seen
Or if you're ever needing help
To chomp down on that beef
A Dentist might be required
Invest in those false teeth
If all your friends keep complaining
"What's that confounded whistling sound?"
Well, that can only mean one thing
Turn your hearing aid down
You're driving down the road
While fiddling with the seat buckles
And there's horns blowing everywhere
All they see is blue hair and knuckles
When you resort to counting your medicine
You're too proud to use the M thru S pill holder
Is proabaly a sure sign
That you just might be getting older
But the surest sign of all
That I've ever heard said
Is when you go to bed alive
But you wake up dead
dadgum doctors, heads up their butts
poking, prodding, pricking skin
neurologist a psychopath
gets pleasure as electric volts pass through my body
family doctor showed little concern
made me paranoid about irregular heartbeat
EKG failed to determine cause
left me more in doubt than at ease
dentist like a character from Dustin Hoffman’s “Marathon Man”
the more pain inflicted
the more he rejoiced
deep root cleaning caused severe infection
bloodwork done by Vampira clones
labs filled with tubes and needles
results not shared with me
yet I footed the bill
optometrist an Oriental who moved so fast
didn’t care if the prescribed glasses worked
boo on you, dang aristocrats
waving your credentials
nurses so slow to respond
MRI promised on CD, but couldn’t be obtained
just like the blood tests, needed a “report”
doctors driving me insane
each should share my mental hospital bills
*Based on ongoing health tests and written for PD’s contest. Assignment Free Verse, 25 lines, category slam, sad and educational, title: Mental Hospital Bills
Analyze my eyes Mr.Optometrist
Tell me what you see ,
Read them better than how they read the letters on the wall
Believe everything you read ,
For they don't lack honesty
Like the mouth and its master.
Learn my deepest secrets
Then feed my curiousity so it will leave me alone
And if by any chance you see my soul through those windows
Describe him just as he is, I forgot a long time ago.
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