Joseph May Poet Rhyme

Under the Knife

When her vision began to blur
She thought a trip to the Optometrist was the cure
But upon her visit she got bad news
It was a tumor that was blurring her views

She would need a neurosurgeon
To correct this situation
Her surgery was scheduled in two weeks
She hoped the outcome wouldn't be bleak

Family and friends gathered by her bedside
Prayers and tears were supplied
Everyone seemed calm, though they were in shock
Suddenly.... she was awoken by her alarm clock!......

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Brittany Reynolds October 28, 2012 at 2:08 PM This poem could be really powerful, but the last line causes one to stumble. I'm all for the surprise twists, but this one was jarring. Perhaps a smoother transition? She's being put under anesthesia and as they have her count backwards she wakes up to her clock then? You might even me able to get away with just changing the last couplet and go with a softer rhyme. I think this poem needs a 'double look' instead of 'pow, right in the kisser' approach. It's got a lot of potential. Joseph May October 28, 2012 at 2:12 PM well I didn't you were an expert but thanks

Sherese Gooden September 23, 2012 at 5:14 PM I was sure I you were sharing your reality, then the end came. Real or unreal, this is a sad experience. Hope it never happens. Nice poem, Joseph. Joseph May September 23, 2012 at 7:09 PM ...very nice to hear from you Sherese....thanks for stopping by...love...