Long Underarm Poems

I swung with a vengeance but missed that damned fly
The breeze I’d created caused him to pass by
My electric racquet in underarm mode
Still failed to make that bluebottle explode

It filled me with hate as it...

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I studied cosmology for 4 years before I realized there was no mention of make-
up or hair styling.

I saw the movir "Superfly", and didn't understand why they never even showed a 
zipper!

I wanted Lasix surgery-...

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We are in the age of raging time,
rhyme and reason down the drain
 with our coffee grinds,
quick views and videos, terror on the tubes,
smart-mouths cursing
between commercials
repeating Breaking News.
Find somehow a parking place,
stand in line, glazed...

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Be happy for you have not witnessed it
The time where Haiti shook and fell
On this paper I transmit
This event worthy to tell

It started like any other day
Everything was calm and nice
Maybe it was nature’s way...

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where did s/he first learn
to snort in the snot
funneling it backwards 
right back up into his/her head
until a slight headache 
occurred &
then pursing her/his lips,
throwing out the large wad
of festering phlegm 
out from said mouth
with...

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I was born in the beautiful country called Zimbabwe,
Now it is devastated by the tyrant Robert Mugabe.
It was once a land full of milk and honey,
No this poem is not going to turn out funny.

But...

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People often say now I understand
When they hear that I'm from Paree
Not Gay Paree silly, but redneck
In the heart of Tennessee

I am the newest style of hairdressers
Here to lay out all the facts
I no longer...

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Flat pack Wobbler

Procured from mega shop, a straight-lined box amid a cardboard wall 
Where jig saw chattels rise above the queues of flatbed wheelies
And underarm catalogues patterned with an iconic list of what they are
When...

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Let’s do an underarm reveal, she said in a daring sort of way.
I knew at that minute that this contest would make my day.
She has not shaved since 1997; not being demure.
This was hilarious to...

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Would you still love me if I threw you under a bus?
Would you still love me if I taught children to cuss?
Would you still love me if I sat on your nose?
Would you still love...

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Conversations with my father,
Bittersweet, and maybe sad
Conversations with my father
Talks that we never had.
Companionably silent 
As we set off walking 
Neither of us known
For doing too much talking
Down Lambwath road
To Billy Bulson’s farm,
Each with a...

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We took up the challenge,
When the bar was set high,
To show the rest of the world, 
That Kiwis can fly higher,
In a world at an all time low
As Omicron hits new heights.

While others could not...

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i did have to comb
what had been left of my dome
while i would be home

had been lead astray
God told us we should obey
Use underarm spray

much sugar with spice
had been found in paradise
without sin or vice

with...

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The Islamisation of the world 

Birds began falling from the sky, first a few but then
millions of birds fell dead to the ground one had to take 
cover for not being killed by the mass...

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The Beetles 
I will now write a love poem and will include
heart, souls, roses and a box of chocolate with nuts inside
but a song by the Beetles keeps getting in the way
“Will you love me...

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Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Why do ladies wink and titter when they glance at me?
At the office party I stood beneath a sprig of mistletoe,
Hoping some gal would upon my lips a tender...

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You tell me she's a dream
Loving you in her arms
You tell me she's a thrill
Showering you with her charms
You tell me your a lucky fellow
Now that love has you underarm
Wouldn't I know?
Oh wouldn't I know?

She...

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