Long Sourpuss Poems
Long Sourpuss Poems. Below are the most popular long Sourpuss by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Sourpuss poems by poem length and keyword.
Dear humans,
I am an octopus and I’m unhappy with how you humans think you’re so great.
You might say I have a bone to pick with you…
which would be true if I weren’t an invertebrate.
I want you to know I am more than just a cephalopod
with 8 tentacles who spits out a little ink
for I too have a brain, in fact with nine of them…
and I am much smarter than you think
I have learned to use different tools and I solve problems too
and what if all those times you think you’re watching me…
I’ve been watching you.
You humans think with your one heart you’re as loving as can be…
Well think again mere humans…for every octopus has three.
So the next time you’re feeling superior…
the next time you think that you’re so great
remember…most animals in the world live in the ocean…
and most, like me, are invertebrates.
Please do not lament these facts…
do not become a sourpuss…
I’m sure you have some good qualities too…
Sincerely,
The Octopus
P. S. I know you’re proud of your ability to write…
and to be fair I think that’s great
but in the time it takes you to write one letter…
I’ve already written eight!
Remember when each of the tastes
bitter, sweet, sour, salty and umani,
had their own special place on your tongue?
When you could lick and flick a tongue tip
to savor one by one,
each titillating and tantalizing tidbit,
and avoid the bitter, sour and salty,
in the hors d'oeuvre samples and starters?
But turns out all the taste buds
of different types are a mishmash,
spread all over the palette
like mixed berry jam jelly on toast.
So blitz the blender,
pulse, pulse, pulse the mush to liquefy,
to make your next bender meld,
to an homogeneous amorphous blend,
a potpourri punch
fit for a sourpuss.
Oh winter has come today
and Ole Santa has greased up his sleigh
he no buffoon so he's packed a stuffed loon
and long john with a dreidel bouquet.
He not going to Canada cause
Chris A. writ a sourpuss clause
banning Santa's banter, his reindeers canter
and demeaning Ole Santa because????
Well, Santa is sweet and he's good
he knows he's made up and Chris should!
But apparently Chris A. has Claus envy they say
or perhaps it's what's under Santa's hood?
Oh winter has come today
and the ding dongs are out to play
so watch out Chris A., leave Santa alone!
if you must pick a fight, watch out for drones!!
Amidst Swirling Eddies Of Fate...
Negligible power prevails
no matter one jock or nerd
feverishly hollars, fumes
decries, berates... absurd
fickle finger (middle phalange
doubling up as
flipping the bird),
unlikely the powers
that be heard
such lament, would not forfeit
issuing the last juicy,
meaty and tasty word
tis "FAKE" vanity
trumpeting to delude
those, who experience
a sourpuss mood,
when vile unfortunate
circumstances collude
(as if Putin on the Ritz),
whether you be dame or a dude,
no matter, the mindset
finds thee to brood
why without rhyme
or reason Saint Jude
or some other divine being
gleefully laughing out loud,
spurring an angrily strong
temptation to utter a crude
expletive taking by
surprise WASPY, snooty,
and noisily rude
listeners, who quickly exude
a gasp as if ye in pranced the nude
giving slight consolation punching
back at invisible joker
no matter he/she
could not be viewed
nonetheless yours truly
succeeded to read this
mashup, and get thee wooed.
Santa’s sleigh turned magical at midnight on the twenty-eighth.
The elves were amazed. One yelled out “Isn’t this great?”
Not sure yet, said a peppermint stick named Sourpuss Tate.
Where is the sleigh going, and does it have any toy freight?
That sleigh just raced over the hill, yelled Gingerbread Nate.
I think something fell out of Santa’s sack, maybe a dish or a plate.
A reindeer ran off to chase it, but lost sight of it at the gate.
I guess if we want to figure it out, we’d better sit back and wait.
I wish it would have started off sooner said Santa. It is too late!
But it is magical, argued the Christmas faerie, from Iowa State.
Come back here! Yelled a persnickety sugar plum, holding some bait.
The magical sleigh raced away from them all, taunting his fate.
another sourpuss
he drank her tangy wine
she broke his bread
together they dined
as they fed
the river of love
from their wells
spouted no doves
time will not tell
two black bears tearing each others fur out
friends at one time, now arch enemies pout
he was on top of her
say uncle, say uncle he spur
she said over my dead body
he said be careful with wishes so gaudy
she gave him a face
wait, you need to be put in your place
say uncle, say uncle
she gave him a knuckle
we pick and choose
win and lose
laugh and cry
live and die
bread and wine
eternal dine
today's gone
live for another tangy dawn
connie pachecho
1/23/17
I'm so doggone ugly,
I look like a faded roach;
If I were a pile of roadkill,
The buzzards wouldn't approach!
Oh sweet mirror on the wall,
Why stab me in the back?
You tell me that I'm beautiful,
Then fall to the floor and crack!
I went to a local photographer,
Here's something you won't believe,
He took one look at this ugly mug,
And paid me just to leave!
I can't go to the chicken coop,
To gather a single egg;
Those hens won't let me enter,
Unless I grovel and beg!
I never committed a crime,
Though my picture's on the wall;
Ugliness is a criminal act,
It's certainly against the law!
A cop pulled me over,
I asked what I did wrong;
He took one look at this sourpuss,
And said..."Nuthin', please go home!"
When I walk by flower beds,
The petals begin to wilt;
Every time I play pinball,
The game automatically tilts!
I married an ugly woman,
Someone uglier than me;
We bought ourselves an ugly dog,
Now we're as happy as can be!
What's that on the shoreline run, all amok
"Is that a beaver?"Or
incredibly furry duck?"
Ponder they did Koala and Roo
About a stranger, that came into view
We must look closer said the two friends
As they drew near, mud and dead ends
In that very moment, it ate a frog
Then ran back home, to the edge of the bog
As they approached its eyes, sweet and somber
What could its name be, they did ponder
When in that moment, from out of its bill
It said "pleased to meet you both. What a thrill!
I'm not a beaver, duck, or a sourpuss
Names Puddin mates. I'm a platypus!
2-28-2023
Sourpuss People
Sourpuss people are the opposite of sweet
And can turn a sunny day into mincemeat.
Their smiles are forced and bitterly insincere,
Revealing no sense of humour or good cheer.
They sneer and wink and chatter behind your back
And rain on your parade every chance they get,
Complaining and griping about this and that
While arguing with nothing good to extract.
Their cold hearts are mean because they seek power
And bully others like they’re chopped liver.
And though it’s wrong to get mad and retaliate,
Sometimes lines are drawn when there’s no other way.
It’s incorrect behaviour to fight with them
Because others might not see the difference.
Life is about having the right attitude.
Don't be known as one with platitude.
Someone who is a habitual whiner,
is not a good companion at a diner.
Life is always a much happier place
if you don't slap anyone in the face,
so you won't be a curmudgeon grouch
why don't you take a nap on your couch.
No one wants to be around a grumbler
especially one who should be humbler.
Wear a smile instead of a sourpuss frown
and from your own pedestal, step down.
One who brags about his or her work
is really just being a malcontent jerk.
If these words seem harsh and trite,
some fish are known to take a bite.
Kindness is the best way to make a friend
so stop being bitter, just make amends.
Stop being a grouch, no talk or bellyache,
and be nice to others, for goodness sake!