Long Smelly Poems

I saw a girl at the museum. I had to take her number
It was like my heart woke up from a long slumber

She was admiring a Picasso painting.
 I knew nothing about art so I...

Read More

Randomling 1:  Matthew Macfadyen

I believe I'm in love with Matthew Macfadyen
He inspires in me a terribly bad yen
But as poetry goes
His name 'spires woes
Cause nothing rhymes with "Macfadyen”.


Randomling 2: Birthday Wishes
  
For my birthday,...

Read More

"The Beetlejuice Past Your Eyes"


“Well, where would you suggest I commence? Should we begin with the concept of pasteurize?”

This said to the earnest listener, who views the protagonist with a bon vivant confused expression. To...

Read More

Hopefully these two young boys stayed out of trouble after getting a wonderful break like this.

                   ...

Read More

When we set out on a road trip
We didn’t stick to the old script
And were gladly amazed
And rarely unfazed
Hitting strange towns though some were skipped

We started from Thatsnot, OK
Which was more or less ok
But then...

Read More

We are human being with a soul
We were taken from the North and South Pole
And left in a basket at the flagpole
If all the relics in history were unfold
You would discover that the real threshold
Is...

Read More

I am playing with my dollies
And my princess pram all pink
I'm nearly 5
A big girl now
No more nappies
Or plastic pants
I think

I outgrew the potty
When I was only three
My mum says it's because I am brave
Now...

Read More

Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days...

Read More

The Wedding Ceremony of the Dead, Part One, Translation of Pierre Emmanuel’s Les Noces de la Mort by T. Wignesan

Orgy of stone !
I drank hate in your inferior parts
And bathed during a wild summer our...

Read More

Limricks prompted by a comment made by someone today

It's a fact, and no longer just a rumor
Some soup people barf at toilet humor
Have you sniffed your own butt 
It stinks so keep it shut
Pessimism must...

Read More

A WISH FOR ALL FISH

Washed up on shores around the world
Already dead, a whale, a dolphin a shark, 
All marine life is suffering, the situation
Has become absurd, 
The facts real and stark!
My Fairy God mother...

Read More

The Williwonk rose from its hibernating sleep
And jumped up in joy with a sinuous leap.
Time for some mischief, he mischievously said,
I'll shake up Manvile and fill them with dread.

For such a vile creature was the...

Read More

President Trump, 
shortly after his singularly smelly election, 
declared emphatic comparisons with Elder Republican
Abraham Lincoln.

Early on,
he described Lincoln as his kindred political soul,
admired mentor,
and the former President he was destined to most resemble
in spirit and...

Read More

A country of dreams has burst its rainbow at all ragged seams

In a state of affairs illusion of fusion and widespread delusion

The constitution hallucinates as night settles scores of deceit

Bereavement takes its toll in anger...

Read More

Blood spilling in the east running all the way to the west
Forming rivers of doubt in the north and South
An army of men converge along the river bank
With long guns strapped to their sides
And big...

Read More

Do I want to only look at new ones,
never been used,
or is that a too restrictive market,
too competitively priced
for virginity of place and relationship on Earth?
And, is such redemptively-intended virginity
an asset or a deficit,
in which...

Read More

Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I...

Read More

In my heart, there's a tune dying to come out 
The solitude makes me feel so carefree and you don't talk trash about me like some
I feel like I've been taken advantage of...what's that all...

Read More

Sam the dog and Pearl the cat
Were sitting on the wall
They do it every day
So it isn't strange at all
They have little conversations
Which only they can understand
They talk about their little quirks
And none of them...

Read More

Smelly Stuff Absorbed 

There are many words for those excrements that appear on the fabric in
incremental solid and deliquescent motions because ingestion fulfils that
autonomous need to shed ablutions but here I declare ‘Waste not Want...

Read More

I'm not crazy over goodbyes, so get lost, negativity from another source
I fell away and fell for your lies - I was vulnerable and naïve of course
I'm not under your spell anymore, so quit playing...

Read More

Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig...

Read More

There was once a minister who moved to San Francisco to pastor a little church.  The name of that little church was Emmanuel which means “God with us”.  There was an atmosphere about...

Read More

In a land, far away, once upon a time
An ancient place, deep in mystical forests
There lived a sickly old man
The years had passed and he was but an empty shell

Even he had no memories of...

Read More

NO PLACE LIKE HOME
 
   would you like to hear a story, that grandma once told
its about an old train, that grandpa once rode
 
   the story starts out when my...

Read More