Long Offside Poems

My name is Tom Cunningham, I’m retired now but thirty six years ago I had a very strange experience that I have never mentioned to anyone until now.
It was November the seventh, nineteen eighty six,...

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Will you make the cut?
Or settle for a shortcut?
Coaches' scuttlebutt

Execute the steal 
Professing rather than real
The truth to conceal

Blessing progeny
Highlights God's sovereignty
Not autonomy

Man's wisdom swaggers
'Til adversity staggers
Making Sandbaggers

Men try to judge Him
When self-righteousness rules them
Worthless...

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Written for my friends son, bowling in the picture, for his 13th birthday. 05-13-2020


The sun is shining brightly, a special day has dawned
The spectators they have no idea, the fear that will be spawned
The captains...

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Pick me, pick me, you beg and plead
You think that you just what he need
Today, you in the game, yea!
Today you get to play and that totally made your day
But you don't love the game,...

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The  Rules of Football 

I took my little boy 
to a nearby football pitch 
He said he was tired 
of playing hide and seek 
He now wanted a football 
to play around and kick 

As he clutched my hand 
I spoke...

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There is a calming sense 
When flipping a jaded pence 
A bit coin motion 
Needing a peaceful mind potion 
A pound here 
And a beer 
Does appear 
From the dear 
Working the bar 
Remembering a...

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Covid 19 leaves restless kiddies with parents’ imagination at home

So why not create fantasy in the lounge for a resilient pleasure dome

Grannies’ chest of drawers comes alive as a goal with lace for a net

No...

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FIFA was run by crooks and became the mafia.
They selected the world cup hosts of Qatar and Russia,
but who was corrupt the most, South Africa?

All three countries never qualify but large quantities disguised
in paper envelopes...

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Tension you can cut with a knife.
The crowd so divided.
Players with limbs so lithe.
Three long months since they last collided. 

Into the circle centre took a step.
The whistle was blown.
Next instant, the players after the...

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Why to you have sides, front, back, 
left and right besides, betides?
I'm offside, on no one's side.

Why regret and hide the gnarls, 
scars and wrinkles on your hides? 
Why be ashamed of the 'love-me-dos', 
cut...

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Both teams seem equal. Can we call this A and B?
Coin tossed; goal-post chose; both, lo, relax for a wee; 
The referee blows his whistle, B to kick-start,
Players plunge into deed; wet lips of spectators...

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Let’s take this outside
Your turn to be objectified
Necktied offside and brutified
Come step outside
Where you can no longer hide
Now you and me can collide

You’re worse than godzilla’s bride
Torpefied and vilified
Uglified, mean and evil-eyed
Always snide and undignified

Ringside,...

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Just like football i am....
                       like a religion in all things i do
...

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Video replay review video replay review 
I am so frustrated with you 
They said it was offside 
What are you getting at West Ham lied? 
Film makers should suggest 
Moving pictures are not perfect and...

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fear has negative downward effects
freezing you within its painful grip
there's a consciousness deep within
making you feel about to slip
 
Why has fear this awful power?
that numbs you into its hold
making you lose your nerve
freezing solid...

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running 12 men 
24 in total, puffing carbon dioxide
inhaling oxygen from the outside,
shouting a teammate from the other side
watch that space
whistle,that one is playing offside
think should do that in practice,
spectators like that on the east...

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My husband is really grouchy and grumpy 
Only comes alive when we have rumpy pumpy
Watches football on TV with beer in hand 
Offside rule is something I don't understand 

My husband's interest in me is...

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