Long Mandalay Poems
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I like to buy different magazines
And bring them to my home
Cut out all the faces
And replace them with my own
I always look so happy
In other peoples lives
I can be the best of husbands
Along side the best of wives
It all depends on my mood
On any given day
I could be hang gliding in the South Pacific
Or hiking the hills of Mandalay
On a beach in Florida
With perfect kids flying a kite
At a Hollywood premier
My face on any star I like
I used to lead a boring life
As I sat around at home
Now pasting my face in different magazines
I go and do anything I want
I just purchased NASA monthly
Dare I go to the moon
If they picture two astronauts together
You know I'd go with you
There's this island magazine I've been saving
From a travel agency
Can't wait to paste my face out swimming
In the bluest of the bluest seas
I'll flip through all the pages
Till I come up with the perfect tan
On top of the perfect body
Then I will be the perfect man
It's not always fun and games
I do have a serious side
When I paste my face onto orphans or the homeless
Then wet the pages as I cry
There's so many different things I do
Depends on the mood and the magazine
What peaks my interest at the store that day
And who it is I'd like to be
Ma decreed they needed some culture to enhance their sedentary existence.
Pa wasn't all that enthusiastic and offered some very stiff resistance!
Especially when Ma steered him to the city modern art museum.
He would just as soon visit the parish graveyard mausoleum!
Pa was reared a country boy and for cultural matters had very little zest,
But on this occasion he pampered Ma - he knew better than to protest!
Pa's appreciation for art was confined to barns with a Mail Pouch Tobacco ad,
Or gazing at a painting in the local saloon of some woman scantily clad!
His ear for music was satisfied by the honky-tonk gal at the local bar.
He was a poetry aficionado, reading Burma Shave rhymes from his car!
Ma once told him to wear a suit and escort her to her literary club,
But he preferred beer and banter with his pals at the local pub!
He could appreciate Saturday Evening Post covers by Norman Rockwell,
And Grandma Moses' nostalgic and simple scenes he recalled so well,
But the ghastly art he viewed in the modern art museum that day,
Seemed to him to have been crafted by chimpanzees from Mandalay!
The visit to the museum left Ma and Pa extremely cross.
Her attempts to refine him, she admitted, were a total loss.
She beseeched, "At least I wish you'd drink your beer from a glass!
I give up! I do declare Pa! You just ain't got no class!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Fidgety Cats And Feline Pets
(A Parody)
Fidgety cats and feline pets go out for a midnight run,
Siamese are to rare to ever dare to
And in Bali and Mali cats retire from dawn till one.
Persian Blues prefer to choose to snooze in the noon day sun
And there’s a rumour the Puma will sleep when the day is done.
Fidgety cats and feline pets go out for a midnight run.
The Ocelot, cares not a jot for the heat of the noon-day sun
And the Bengal rarely sleeps at all.
At mid-day in Mandalay the Tiger will hunt for fun,
But fidgety cats and feline pets go out for a midnight run.
The Lion’s roar is no more when the clock strikes one
And you will never meet a Cheetah after the setting sun.
The Maine Coone will bathe at noon and the
Burmese is quite at ease in the rays of the Asian sun,
But fidgety cats and feline pets go out for a midnight run.
Adapted from ‘Mad Dogs and Englishmen’ by Sir Noel Coward.
Barry Stebbings
07/03/18
Having one's person embellished with tattoos is all the rage today.
Used to be that only carousing tars got tattooed in old Mandalay!
They might have an 'anchor' or 'Mother' branded upon their chest,
Their ship's name or a naughty quote of which they were obsessed!
As an inquisitive lad I paid a dime to see tattooed ladies on a dare,
Where they 'bared' their gaudy hides at a carnival or the county fair!
Nowadays, for free I can see 'art' displayed on gals sashaying down the street.
Some are very discreet - others flaunt tatoos most everywhere replete!
Let me hasten to say it's none of my affair - I think they're very brave,
But do they realize they're stuck with the things 'til planted in the grave?
I can hear this question from their grandkids when they become a granny:
"Nana! What are all those funny pictures doing on your arms and fanny?"
Entry for Carol Eastman's "Humor Contest"
I am dreaming
I am fantasizing
On how I want to put them in your face
Oh! Nate, my fate,
they are a set
I use for bait.
Just sit down,
have some coffee.
No need to talk,
tell me if you like what you see
Give me the wrong look,
and I will slap you with thee.
Okay King Mandalay,
It's with me you want to play.
Come on don't be shy follow me inside.
Not a single word I want you to say
Now close your eyes while I go hide.
You are now in a game of hypnotized
Babe, do not expect a quick ride
I will take you on my wild surprise
If you tag me, you can have me.
We can play another game of slip and slide
King of mine I only want to play my way.
Lets forget about everything,
Lets enjoy a slam bam you started today.
I enjoyed the tapping of your ding.
With your words that took my breath away.
How about you toss an awesome E-mail
Explain what about me you want to nail
Okay My Sweet now its time to sleep
By morning time, you will rise and shine.
Awaken with my set upon your face.
Oh ! Yes I am going to make you mine.
Before I have to leave your place.
One more time I give you permission to climb.
And finish invading my private space
Now I am done fooling .
Why are you still drooling
Time for you to get some cooling.
Why are you stalling.
I already gave you more than a smoke.
Tell you what
Continue to keep your mouth shut.
Something with you must be up.
Go ahead lets start over,
No need for you to be a big shot.
I will be nice to the roll of the dice.
To see who ends up on top. ((cq+cq))
By: P.D.
**Here you go my sweet Nathan D., **
. ((cq+cq))
It's good to be modern, don't you think?
Bowling alley, skating rink.
If we moderns want a swim,
we drive our cars down to the gym.
We've mastered plastics, studied steel,
no fears about tomorrow's meal:
our meat is packed, our fruit is tinned,
our ships can move without the wind!
But, seeking boons beyond all these,
we want to grab some colonies.
You know the kind of thing we mean --
the sea is blue, the forest green,
they pick wild fruit, bask in the sun,
they've never seen a gatling gun,
and when we show up with our forces,
we'll help ourselves to their resources.
We'll load the booty on our ship,
and sail away (and pay them zip) --
back to the belching chimney stacks
of Huddersfield or Halifax,
and "manufacture" something new
(the chocolate egg, the high-heel shoe)
then ship it back to Paradise,
and make them buy it. We win twice!
But 1860 -- what a shock!
Three new kids show up on the block,
see Martinique and Mandalay --
and say, "hey guys, we wanna play!"
The Slant-Eyes, Eyeties and the Hermans
(the Japanese, Italians, Germans)
can now boast countries of their own,
and want to join the Modern Zone.
But Britain and France (and here's the rub!)
are running an exclusive club.
They won't allow the new boys in.
So sit back, watch the war begin!
Humidity
I called my love on the phone, to say hi!
Duplicating the moments around the sky
With not many things to say :-)
I asked about the climate per say
A nice way to converse,
Nonstop heat throughout the universe
Smiling, without many words to share
I stroked the phone, describing the hot air.
"It’s getting hot outside"
I'm just here Enjoying the sunrise."
--Smooth and slow the steam in Aspen has me beat
--Suddenly 99.9 degrees was the new rising heat
I chuckled and added, -looks like 100% chance of rain
Keeping myself inside, with a wetness calming sane
A new flash flood coming in
Reminding him how easy it is to slip in mud
I continued to talk and toke
Then he joined me with a joke.
Replying, with a tease.
"Wow!"
I feel the wetness over there
I would not mind taking a dive in THAT flood
Don't worry I know how to handle slippery mud
---from back to front.
It's looking gloomy out here without my love
Down here in Mandalay it drips a lot
Pure satisfaction when the climate in Aspen gets hot
Could you be kind in sending a picture of how wet it is down there?
I will call you back when the drizzling stops over here.
By: P.D. ( please judge the name, not the poem )
Having one's person embellished with tattoos is all the rage today.
Used to be that only carousing tars got tattooed in old Mandalay!
They might have an 'Anchor' or 'Mother' tattooed on their chest,
Their ship's name or a naughty quote of which they were obsessed!
As an inquisitive lad I paid a dime to see tattooed ladies on a dare,
Where they 'bared' their gaudy hides at a carnival or the county fair.
Nowadays, for free I can see tattooed ladies sashaying down the street;
Some are very discreet - others flaunt tattoos most everywhere replete!
Let me hasten to say it's none of my affair - I think they're very brave,
But do they realize they're stuck with the things 'til planted in the grave?
I can hear this question from their grand kids when they become a granny;
"Nana! What are all those funny pictures gracing your arms and fanny?"
Captain cook
I built a ship in a vale of stones and thorny bushes
It took 24 years and more to set sail on a dream
boat to China
I met her on the blue sea of Malaga, sailed on her
til she was 71, sought refuge in coastal waters
anchorage in the town of Mandalay
Deep sea ships have limited sails from port to port
are not allowed to stray from the chart, set by the man
in charge; every ship looks the same, is practical and sleepless.
Not. once did they let me be in charge; go back to your galley, you mad cook, they bellowed, you will only collide with the Dogger bank.
I built my ship, four decks, and a bridge
too far from shore to be of annoyance to anyone
The locals called me Captain Brave Heart, the man who
cleared the dale of snakes.
I'm tired, it took so long to be a slayer of words
ankle-deep in sad rejections.
I'm the master of my literary refusals, words
to feed the flame of elimination
# oi KING Mandalay
Influence by the element of air,
You had me at love’s first stare.
Ruled by the element of your water,
Emotions no one can slaughter.
You call upon me like a charmer,
Awaken me out of my outer body armor.
A cobra memorized by your romance,
With a trance of my belly snake dance,
I love your built confidence,
Flirtatiously lost in a hypnotic trance.
Sending a kiss to your sensitive toy,
One day you will be my silly boy.
Your dots fill up my sensual desire,
My passion adds burn to your fire.
I will add water to your thirst.
Motivate me; energize me, until I burst.
While the moon changes your mood,
Your key turns on my womanly jewels of nude.
All my emotions are out of control,
You roll me with the sweet dice of your soul.
A deep erotic ritual to feed the need.
Wanting more arousing the power of my greed.
I will aimlessly satisfy your pleasure of lust,
A loving environment absorbing the devils exotic dust.
Symbolizing our emotions and likes on the same level,
Your Cancer sign comes all twisted like a Tasmania devil.
Influencing the justice with my right hand muffet,
My Libra sign set on two strings like a puppet.
I will shove the love in to everything we speak of,
Secure my bloom with the wings of a dove.
Spoil me with your pride, and charisma of your heart,
Fantasize the beauty of the nature of our art.
Longing your slight touch with a hint of aggressive,
Around you I bury myself in the world of imaginative.
Your sign and element your gift thrives on me.
I exchange the feelings only you see.
Observe me; connect me, until you got my balance,
Have me, love me, and give me all your romance.
All though your ego gets in the way of truth.
My sweet love;-) you are still the one I choose.
By: P.D.