Long Lube Poems
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Once upon a time I could change the oil and give the car a lube,
Tune the timing, change the plugs and patch an inner tube.
In days of yore I'd do simple jobs beneath the old elm tree.
Nowadays, I daren't twist a wrench without an engineer's degree!
In olden days things were simple to work on beneath the hood.
Stuff crammed under the hoods today is not at all understood!
Why! You must pull the doggone engine to fix a simple leak,
And everything is diagnosed by a smart-alecky computer geek!
Now I can't even locate the spark plugs, I must humbly confess,
And where the life-sustaining battery reposes is anybody's guess!
I must even contact the local garage to get the radiator filled.
'Tis plain to see that all is governed by the national mechanic's guild!
In simpler times the way to detect an errant rod and piston knock,
Was to put a screwdriver to your ear and listen through the block.
Nowadays, technicians lounge about with computers in their paws,
And in a trice can flesh out your automobile's ailing flaws!
Back then, I could replace brake linings and distributor caps,
Change a fan belt or replace a gasket or two perhaps.
But all these fancy gadgets are beyond me - I can't figure them out.
So I'll gnash my teeth and sit beneath the spreading elm and pout!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
The younger crowd will not believe this bit of lore I fear,
But operating vehicles was more complicated in yesteryear!
For example, to signal turns you hung your arm out the door,
And to dim the lights there was a dimmer switch mounted on the floor!
If, alas, you punctured a tire, you repaired it with an inner tube.
You parked your car over a pit at the garage for an oil change and lube.
The gearshift lever was on the floor and it was always in the way,
'Specially when with your sweetie you tried to make a little hay!
To start the engine on some cars you used a knuckle bustin' crank!
To open a convertible top, you had to give it a humongous yank!
Heaters operated sporadically and in the winter you froze your tush!
Air conditioning was the passing breeze sans cooler buttons to push!
Dogs and chickens were shooed away with an oogah-oogah horn.
Shock absorbers were rare - jouncing, squeaky springs kept cars airborne
Lots of chrome and rumble seats were available for the more audacious.
Folks huddled close together since seating wasn't all that spacious!
There was a clutch to fool with and you depended on mechanical brakes.
A long trip over two-lane roads was certain to give you pains and aches!
About the only good thing about cars back then is when you filled the tank.
You needn't seek a usurious loan (as you do today) from the local bank!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Said to my girlfriend
My Husband - well he’s 90.
What do you think he can do? -
Even his tongue cant stretch out to work.
So I got a young boy name geyser.
I never knew plastic could be so proficient.
I don’t know if its excitement
or the darn thing has its own lube.
He keep going and going
like the energizer bunny
Wow what a beauty – just like the real thing
It make me hum like sweet sixteen -
again and again and again.
and at my age unless you have
something strong and forceful to put in
you just can’t feel it sister!
So get one and get a big one - girl does mine have youth.
©Al Juman
stubbed toe / during a broken heart—
you said pain is pain, offered to kiss both.
we nursed the plot of a favorite episode,
argued over what constituted foreshadowing.
talking to you about the view was mostly talking to myself;
you liked cliffs, I liked what they overlooked.
on vacation with the lube,
you forgot to pack anything else.
we ate wasabi from the tube like astronauts.
being vegan, you protested animal rights
while wearing leather—not ironically.
I said nothing, ate a pork bun in your honor.
alive with wanting, horny as new hormones,
we ordered room service, slept instead,
called that a success.
our fifties came early—
you there before me, always a decade ahead
in age, on trends, with grief.
neither of us knowing we’d need
a language for this back then.
Any foodie on the brink
Of getting moody thinks
Of the dear dairy panacea
Culinary kinks
Cultural links
Gourmet high jinx
Where the nods & the winks
Go to the food of the Gods
The sexy minx that really stinks
A noble global endeavour
Palette caged by a rare
Cave aged Gruyere
Arty farty dolcelatte party
Comte & cheddar
Smutty nutty double header
Camembert flair
Prouder of Gouda
Stilton to share
Or louder Parmesan fan
Even when it’s powder?
Aristocratic blue vein
More a Roquefort sort
Or St Augur holds court
Emphatic stench & stain
Tester of Red Leicester
What's better than Feta
Double Gloucester no imposter
Boursin or St Paulin on the roster
Snarl if there's no emmental
Pecorino the Ferrari Dino
Halloumi whispers consume me
New coup for Exmoor blue
Hail the tale of Wensleydale
Willy nilly grab a slab of Philly
Wealthier folks say Philadelphia
On the grounds sounds healthier
Right now is Ricotta somehow hotter
Or creamy dreamy Burrata smarter
Kowtow to Yarg from Celtic Kernow
Homage to fromage global trotter
Whatever floats your boat
High roller Gorgonzola
Maybe Goat gets your vote
Or those in the know
Gloat..chose sheep & Manchego
Young or well hung
Given time in the cellar
Yippee glee of smelly brie
But won’t sneer at Paneer
Mozzarella can be stellar
Even give a damn about Madame Edam
Stringy Raclette the best bet yet
Or the goo of Fondue more you
Can't sledge a wedge of Old Amsterdam
Primula still familiar
Wary of the not rated
Scary squirting lube
You squeeze with ease
Flirting fairy out of a tube
Ill fated.. hated pre grated
Diced into a nice cube
Drastic or fantastic vices
Chose those plastic elastic slices
Could plea for some Dairy Lea
Fell under that Babybel spell
Or pray tell a stash of well maybe
Laughing cow oui Le Vache qui Rit
Today I took the car in for a simple lube and change of oil.
What began as a routine day, the mechanic proceeded to spoil.
I thought my pride in fine mechanical shape, of that I often crowed,
But he convinced me that the heap I drove was a menace on the road!
I shuddered as he pointed out the problems - I almost had a fit!
"Why me, Lord?" I mused. It only has two-hundred thousand miles on it!
As he chewed a straw he said, "Them tires is about to pop.
Ya ain't got no brakes - ya musta drug yer feet fer to stop!"
"Yer radiator leaks an' all th' hoses is as soft as mush.
It's gonna need a new one, I cain't fix it with a simple flush.
Th' pinions an' gears in yer transmeeshun is grindin' lots uv steel,
An' yer water pump is leakin' an' startin' a horrible squeal!"
"Th' transmeeshun pan is leakin' - see them puddles on my floor?
An' ya got a broke hinge an' window on yer left rear door!
Th' pistons an' connectin' rods is makin' a dreadful clackin',
An' yer battery is almost dead since its output is really lackin'!"
Now trading cars is usually a point of contention with my dear wife,
But little debate convinced her that our clunker was nearly void of life,
And would cost about three thousand bucks to get on the road again!
(She's proud of the new Caddie and it purrs like a finely tuned violin!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Cold blue sky and water are frozen hard as iron
Our noses get stuffy it needs a little need lube
Lovers curled up on a bench, lined with the finest fur
Drifting emotions with romantic snow crystal kisses
With frosty mornings, crisp days and powdery snow
Ice spikes in the shape of an inverted pyramid
Nature's dazzling beauty in winter landscape
The snow cracks and crunches under your feet
Eyes of awe and wonder in recognition of how we are blessed
Reborn in childhood memories flood the nostalgic senses
Between fall and spring cling to each moment you get
Let your heart guide you, through a fun path through life
Universe that bends above us hides something much bigger
Every season feels like beautiful Shakespeare's sonnets
Set an intention, listen and enjoy the blues of the cold winter
27/09/2020
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Pick-A-Title, Vol 23 - Seasonal Acrostic
Sponsored by: Edward Ibeh
1st place in the contest
Any foodie on the brink
Of getting moody thinks
Of the dear dairy panacea
The culinary kinks
The cultural links
Gourmet high jinx
Of no.. not Cullen skink
CHEESE
As drinks clink then sink
Where the nods & the winks
Go to the food of the Gods
The stuff that really really stinks
CHEESE
A noble global endeavour
Arty farty dolcelatte party
Comte & cheddar
Smutty nutty double header
CHEESE
Palette caged by a rare
Cave aged Gruyere
Who can forget..appetite whet
Heat light stand manned..expands..
Milky glue or is it silky Moo Goo
Fanned..hands pulling strands
Eat not..planned fondue
Best damned bet
Always get a Raclette
CHEESE
Prouder of Gouda
Or louder Parmesan fan
Even when its powder?
Tilting to the built in love
For Stilton.. never wilting
Hard the calling card
Or more a Roquefort sort
Taught soft held aloft
French can’t bench moulds
Aristocratic blue vein
Dramatic wench holds court
Emphatic stench & stain
CHEESE
Whatever floats your boat
Maybe Goat gets your vote
Or those in the know
Gloat..chose sheep & Manchego
CHEESE
Young or well hung
Given time in the cellar
But won’t sneer at Paneer
Mozzarella can be stellar
Even give a damn
About dear Madame Edam
CHEESE
If you're of that whining ilk
Got that dining disease
Opining it’s just mouldy milk
Having a dig..you big tease…
Well won’t try to appease
CHEESE
Wary of the not rated
Scary squirting lube
You squeeze with ease
Flirting fairy out of a tube
Ill fated.. pre grated or
Diced into a nice cube
CHEESE?
Or drastic vices
Plastic elastic slices
Could go for Dairy Lea
Fell under the Babybel spell
Or pray tell maybe
Its Le Vache qui Rit
CHEESE?
Always a winning wheeze
Ideal at the beginning
Or end of a meal
No ratty ways of thinning
Natty diets lose to fatty riots
Choose ways of sinning
A ruse to amuse..
MORE CHEESE PLEASE
He says grinning
P.S If eating cheese before bed
Gives you a crappy nightmare
So what if you have fed
On cheese in these dreams
No scrappy schemes in your head
Led to days with rays of sunbeams
Teams of happy memes instead
Well it seems only fair
Refined dame with polished frame
Strewing rose petals from lofty pedestal
Sparkling eyes from which stardust flies
Bright smile spindling on embroidered dial
Pallid face shrouded with humble grace
High cheek bones with sculptor's chisel honed
Coiffed strands of hair so De Rigueur
Elegant neck sharing femininity with regal dignity
Voluptuous bosom with silky folds rolled
Roon paps flowing with sweet, sugary saps
Frothy balloon hovering over silted cocoon
Swiveled hips whose billowy curves in rhythm swerve
Heart-shaped hands from which dexterous tendrils
expand
Long, shapely legs with slithering grooves bathed in silky
lube
Dainty feet whose comely features do entreat
This "plague" isn't going away anytime soon.
We're openly told this is our new normal.
To bend over and over without any lube.
There's much to be gained by prolonging the pain.
From the made-in-China masks you're wearing.
From the made-in-China parts that go into COVID test kits.
The reds dream of pulling hearts from freedom's chest.
Barbed things are being thrust into our bloodstreams.
One vaccine, concocted from cells of two aborted babies from the seventies...
A boy and a girl, given letters and numbers instead of names.
Just like Jews that were stuffed into Auschwitz cattle trains.
This plague isn't going away anytime soon.
For it's a bonanza for big pharma and conglomerates.
At the deadly expense of the working-class stiff.
While they tell us not to gather in numbers.
The privileged party in Martha's Vineyard.
They released hordes of convicts onto the streets.
To protect THEM from a bug and not us.
They inoculated nursing homes with covid patience
While a mercy ship sat empty in Big Apple Harbor.
Fully equipped with a thousand empty beds...
This Plague isn't going away anytime soon.