Long Look around Poems
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Chubby little dimpled hand’s reach up to stroke my face
Happy cowboy booted boy, with hair all out of place
Broken nose, stepped on shoes, doggies left behind,
These are the things as I grow old, is running through my mind.
It only took a dollar to win a skip bow game
And if you lost the first one, we would play again
The homemade pizza and the pop would add to all the fun.
If you won $2.00 you’d be the lucky one.
How precious do those days now seem with all the children gone
Their children grown and have their own. Where do I now belong?
Tiny children calling grandma, I look around to see,
But they are calling my child, no longer calling me.
Life’s gone so fast, what do I do with the days that’s left ahead?
How many book’s can I read or how long stay in the bed.
The years have taken toll on me, and bones within me ache
Forgetfulness encamps my mind of the pills that I should take.
They call these the golden years, they say they’ll come a time,
When I will say I’ll take my rest and life will be a rhyme,
Of words I put together, to say how I do feel,
Forgotten, Laid aside for now, Hey what is the deal?
I once was young but now I’m old and I can only see,
The path that’s laid before me and I shall walk with thee.
Oh gates now open wide for me, do you see me coming in?
The brightness of your being Lord has made me to live again.
The ones I’ve loved are waiting, their hands stretched out to me.
Mother’s, father’s, cherished ones I see oh now I see.
Rejoicing, laughing, loving ones, oh wait I hear my name
Grandma, Grandma comes the cry,I turn to see the same
Loving girls hand in hand as they rush forth for me
sunlight shining in their hair, death had set them free.
I catch them up close to me and I finally get to say
I am so glad to be with you, you'll brighten up my day.
Let me tell you of your mother's that have missed you very much
Who would have given everything to feel your baby touch
How fast life goes and very soon they will come here too
To share with you the beauty and their joy of loving you.
But now I will remember…dimpled hands upon my face,
Cowboy booted little boy with hair all out of place.
I look back and I can see how lucky I have been
To have those precious moments, that I relive again.
So booted boy and dimpled hand’s, so fair, so fair of face.
I put you back within my heart, till I have run the race.
The Truth is the Gift of Gods Word
for it's understanding the habitation has stirred
softly upon spirit we listen to it's call
comprehension to it's voice like a seed is small
Can you understand the wise man's riddle
apprehend interpretation the narratives trail
from beginning to end surround the middle
without understanding it's Truth you may fail
Upon the Truth are your heavens fixed
the hearing upon earth with lies are mixed
to many have reached a state of complacency
the cares of this life has choked ability
You lead upon paths unknown
a flight those having wings have flown
I tell you upon the rise of each day
that you must lead and show us the way
Oh Shepherd like a lamb you guide me
for I am lost to the flock without thee
My Lord and my God you have called us out
faith in you but confidence in self do doubt
With every gesture you affirm the way
yet evermore before me do my sins lay
I look around upon those I do see
whose lives are worth much more than me
The seventh day Jehovah has blessed
where mankind will enter into his rest
abundance of joy will fill the earth
as Gods Kingdom has given birth
The fruit of her labor is worldwide
she will wipe the tears her children have cried
Gods woman has brought forth Life
she will train the children remove their strife
You are God from the womb of my mother
have preserved me from violence of brother
your handmaiden as captive I serve
given more than anyone here deserve
I listen to the music of your call
understand I grace given since fall
for to live is Christ and to die gain
and within the hand of your Love remain
Forsake me not when I reach that hour
frail woman in mankind has not power
give me courage so I don't therein cower
for I have beheld the future from your tower
Oh my gentle Lord your path holds no discord
our seas turned to glass when we do as asked
neath your wisdom do kneel as truth you reveal
all thinking given you and insight given true
Hold me close and in your arms
for hear I do the trumpets alarms
you have signified my death
for those you love I give my breath
Hold my hand on the path you take
for I am weak and easily brake
a thing that is soft and frail
for those you love like Lord impale
Now I know the path to you
by example your loved showed true
willing I am to give you my life
like anointed Son did for wife
source JOHN 3:16 Romans 12:1-2
COPYRIGHT © 2009 C Michael Miller
‘Twas way back in them days
when the ranch owner’s ways
was just about the only law there was around
Rancher’s money was king
and gun violence reigned
till marshal Ben Miller made his way into town
Well that town was real rough
till Ben said ‘twas enough
that’s when he used his guns to bring law to the street
But there's always that one
thinks he's fast with his gun
would soon find himself face down covered with a sheet
For the next twenty years
Ben had kept the streets clear
of any no-gooders that might drift into town
Then folks started to say
Ben was showing some gray
maybe his old age had started to slow him down
The councilmen all met
said it is with regret
that we tell you it's time for you to settle down
They baked him a nice cake
a few speeches they'd make
and introduced him to the new marshal in town
Town folk gathered and cheered
told him how twenty years
was a long time to stay on this side of the grave
Ben took a look around
rode his horse outta town
with his new gold watch and the few dollars he'd saved
That is often the way
a cowboy's life got played
long ago when the country was still just a pup
When a trusted hired hand
gave his life for the brand
honest and loyal was the way he was raised up
If you think this is sad
or Ben's life turned out bad
well then this might be a little good news for you
Was the very next week
Men lay dead in the street
they had robbed the bank and stole the mayor's horse too
When they tried to get Ben
to come marshal again
sure don't take no book smarts to know how he replied
Well, he asked widow Jones
if she'd like to go along
and off to the wide open Montana they'd ride
Was a day in March when
Jasmine married old Ben
Though they had only been courtin' about a year
Said they was gonna go
where the tall grasses grow
gonna try their hand raisin a few cows and steers
Well they made it alright
through frozen winter nights
mostly cause they hadn't built up much of a herd
When the next spring turned mild
it brought both calves and child
after that first year their ranchin' blood had been stirred
It’s been thirty years since
granpap left Defiance
now I stop alongside his grave near' every day
I watch over his spread
more than five thousand head
as they grow fat right here on the Rockin’ Bar J
I woke up at the break of dawn,
with the feeling that all hope is gone,
I was not sure where to begin,
but I was determined to win.
No dazzling stars,
no visible moonlight,
no chirping birds,
to tease my empty words.
I walked through the door with a subtle grin,
nursing bruises all over my skin.
I tried to escape yesterday’s punishment,
and saturate my mind with hope and fulfillment.
Walking down the dark empty street,
a cab stopped exactly at my feet,
I hired him to take me to the mountains,
to breath out the stagnant air
and repair my body’s wear and tear.
His grouchy voice thundered through my ears,
he spoke with a strange accent that I could hardly hear,
It passes through one ear, and suddenly disappears.
We journeyed through sleeping towns,
they stared at us without a sound,
steep hills and rocky path,
bending streets and winding roads
dumping my burdensome loads.
He made a sudden turn,
and I felt a sensational yearn
spilling over in my soul.
Mother nature bursts from the horizon
and filled my heart with glad tidings.
Layers of mountains blink at me,
taking me up and down the gigantic tree
guiding me to my unseen dreams,
while patches of green and sun burnt grass
prepare the city for the morning mass.
I saw her bursting through the thick grey clouds,
and I stopped the car and spoke to her aloud,
I climb on top of a nearby rock,
and reached towards her and interlock.
I was just in time for the meeting,
Oh how my soul yearns for this healing.
Mother nature looked at me with a grin
she shook my hand,
and said, “where shall we begin?”
I lamented the troubles of my piercing heart,
and requested for a balance start.
What took you so long?
I know that you have been hurting all along,
and I have been waiting for you to prove them wrong.
“Worry no more,
I am going to fulfill the desires of your burning soul,
look around and tell me what you see,
observe carefully and you will agree.
Let me ignite your body and soul,
and sooth the sorrows that you bore,
sleepless nights,
daily fights,
unfair treatment,
and treacherous lies.
The meeting came to an end,
and I felt free again,
the peshmerga drove up the steep hill
and greeted me with goodwill
Dawn fully broke out into broad day light,
and filled my soul with joy and delight.
©2013 Christine Phillips
It hasn't been long
Since I've been on this Earth
And left the place to have my life start
The people I've known
The ones who've all grown
They’re all changing now, they are
Going along their path
Going to college and having kids
Or gaining knowledge with their many friends
As I sit helpless and depressed
Dormant in my bed
While my time grows less and less
And it seems so clear I see
That everyone’s doing better than me
I work for a wage
Doing dirty jobs
They push me like a slave
I just apologize and nod
I only afford pay rent with the money I make
Things don’t get cheaper, and the income doesn’t change
Sometimes I go to parties
Meet many people who’ve known each other all for so very long
I stand around, I don’t know anyone
Don’t know why I would even come
I feel complex
But simple minded
Everyone seems to easily make friends
It’s not that I can’t put myself out there
Just feel like a bother interacting with them
As I sit alone in a chair
Drinking a beer, and fake smiling along
I could see, so plainly
Everyone is doing better than me
The more I explain myself
The worst I seem to come across
I seem to rub people wrong
And I always seem to feel lost
When I frown they say I look angry
When I smile they say I look creepy
When I look at them, they turn away from me
When I turn away, they think I’m high-and-mighty
When I say hello, they say goodbye
When I say goodbye, they ask why
People wonder why I can’t just talk to people
I feel like I’m the only one who thinks it’s normal
They think something is wrong with me
I’m not the only one who’s awkward around people they meet
I express myself in all the wrong ways
Because when I feel unhappy, that’s when I need aid
Whenever I feel happy, there’s nothing I need to say
And still I look around and see
That everyone is doing better than me
I want to grow up
But I don’t want to leave everything behind
Except for who I use to be, to everyone else I’m still that guy
I wish I had friends but I suck at conversation
I wish I had success, but I need help to make it happen
If I could be who I would like to be
I’d already be that person instead of being me
I know that when we die, well go to the same place
So it doesn't really matter who really won the race
But still it causes me to grieve
Because everyone I know
Everyone is doing better than me
As i sit on this bathroom floor,
gripping a blade in my hand, with it
firmly pressed on my left wrist. I
start thinking this thought that could
change everything.. End everything. I
think of the people who would miss
me. I think of the people who
wouldn't care. I think to myself,
"Should I be doing this", this voice
inside me says, "Yes. Why are you
living anyway? Nobody cares for
you, they wouldn't even notice you're
gone. They don't love you.. Come on,
do it.. End it now, it's the best way..
It's the only way. The sound of the
voice was so weird. Well I can't say the
voice inside of me was wrong. It had
been completely right about
everything. What if this was the only
way? I wish it hadn't been true. It is
the only way. I think to myself, "Suck
it up! It will all be over soon. Just
one, two, three quick slits and you're
done. Get it over with already, i'm
tired of thinking about it! Then all of
a sudden, a voice said, "Stop! What
are you doing? This isn't you." The
voice was so heavenly, so clear, so...
Beautiful. I didn't bother wondering
where the voice came from, because
it came like the weird voice inside
me. I told the voice, "You don't know
me! You don't know anything!" SLIT
SLIT SLIT. Crimson blood, running
down my arm. I feel calm and in
control, but the pain is unbearable.
Unaware of it, I start to feel tears
running down my face. I get dizzy,
the bathroom I lay in gets darker. My
heartbeat gets slower, then, I fall into
a deep sleep. Or what I think was a
deep sleep. After a minute, I get up
from laying on the floor. I look
around, I see blood on the floor and
something else.. Me. Still lying there
on the floor, unconscious. I looked
so relaxed. Then it came to me. "Am
I dead?" Where is hell? Where is
heaven? I committed suicide so
heaven is not an option. I sit back on
the bathroom floor.. Confused. I fell
asleep next to my body. Morning
came, I wake up feeling groggy,
confused. I hear people banging on
the bathroom door and yelling. I
stand up, stumbling. I look around to
see blood still on the floor.. But the
unconscious, bloody body was
gone.. I was gone. Am I alive again? I
cleaned the blood, put on my best
face and hid the scars. I opened the
door and a bright light hit my entire
body like I just stepped into heaven
or something.. Everything is just so
clear now.
Don't civilise me
Have you ever seen
The ants war?
Have you not notice
How they match in
On same Line
together as they
Build shelter for each other
Oh you don't see the bigger
Ants help more
As much as the little ants supports'
It's great
all to one just
Oh is a same to all
Human race that
As little as ants are
They Could be this united
As we human war
Oh what a shame
Oh don't civilise me
For I need not your
Rules of greed
Civilise yourself before
You civilise another
Don't civilise me
Is a disgrace that we
War with one another
Oh man you say you
Know it all
yet you cant educate your
Mind to understand that humanity
Is failing while justice is on exile
Your ignorance can't let you see
That so many is short cut from
Life because they are called poor
Here I wonder what makes one poor
Oh look around
Hope you will see the real situation
For civilisation mean no good
To Africa as much as it make no
Sense to me
Oh don't civilise me
For I need not your
Rules of greed
Civilise your self
Before you civilise me
Don't civilise me
The men on black
Chase us without no
Crime as they take away
The little the poor earn
Our leaders are too busy on
Conference meetings abroad
All in the name of growth
Yet same growth is ignored
In Africa
Why will I accept your civilisation
When it serve no good
I thought is better to live
By example like I never see none
From the men on the hills
Just for few
So let me live
As I love nature
Don't civilise me
For I need not your
Rules of greed
Civilise your self
Before you civilise me
Don't civilise me
Colony did Africa no good
Civilisation of Africa looks
Like a scam oh reality says so
If not check out the real situation
I don't take no civilisation
For if civilisation is what it is
Then what is the use of it
Nation fight against nation
Empire overthrown another empire
Like one fall just for another to rise
It keep going on and on till now
Like today is more in trends and
Life styles
Oh no
The only civilisation I know is
Spirituality
The knowledge of the universe
To serve humanity to it best
Apart from this
Man keep your civilisation
For I rather follow the ants
Than follow your civilisation
Don't civilise me
For I need not your
Rules of greed
Civilised yourself before
You civilised me
Laying my head back, eyes closing,
reminiscing, the years falling away into decades ago
to the 1950s at my grandparents' grand home
for Christmas.
It was a gracious dining room.
Noontime sun streaming in.
Chair rail with deep red wallpaper, white trim.
Decorating the lace clothed "Big Table"
was a tallish 1870s porcelain Meissen fruit centerpiece
with lovers circling the stem.
Even the adults had to look around it.
Grandmother "Lil" and "Mister B"
were at their nouveau best.
All their progeny seated in good form
awaiting the traditional invocation by "Mister B".
Also seated were the ones that were to be
"seen but not heard" at our side table, the "Kids' Table."
Draped card tables for the dozen of us -
me, my brother and sisters and cousins.
Everyone all scrubbed in dresses and ties.
Mine was a clip on.
As expected, a milk glass got tipped. Spilt milk.
Besides that, we kids had great fun and
became friends again as we did each year.
The thing of it was, none of us liked
being at the "Kids' Table."
We felt lesser, unworthy, subtly so.
Even when I was ten, I knew there were
only two ways to get to the big one:
marriage or go in the army.
We all wondered what it was like to be adult.
After all, most of them smoked.
They all had drinks.
The women had figures, swishy swirls.
The men wore suits like they knew how.
At the "Big Table" they all talked like experts
about stuff we didn't understand
and they laughed loudly at Uncle Bob's jokes.
As the years moved on, things would change,
always do.
I saw virtually all my cousins
disassemble their lives too early -
marriages, divorces, addictions, lost jobs, left school -
beleaguered into inevitable submission.
My family miraculously unscathed.
But they're all gone now,
"Big Table" and little table too.
All that's left from the 50s
is my brother, sister and me.
For years, I was at the "Big Table" since my brood and I
took over the Christmas tradition.
The "Big Table" conversation was
superficial and posing was prevalent.
So one year, I put myself at the "Kids' Table." Just for fun.
Yes, milk got tipped.
But oh, the wonderment and hope. A meal that truly was
food for the soul.
Now that I'm old and looking back,
with a quiet smile, mulling it,
I kinda liked the "Kids' Table" better.
Colored pencil illustration by G.Gaul
How someone like you
and me
could ever be
this forever free
Never say never
Ever
Oh say, can you see
this valiant righteous fight
of the tiny 13
against the giant gorgeous gallant might
of the Royal Crown
into that last gleaming
fluorescent
effortlessly seeming
twilight
as American soldiers fell
and died
and their women
and Lady Liberty
rang the bell
and cried
screaming
and the little ones
so sound asleep
nestled in their bed
so peacefully dreaming
whilst their King
while their King lay dead
Hear his deep voice echo over and over in your head
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
You remember what he said
as you lay there
missing and yearning
teaching and learning
freezing and burning
and tossing and turning
battledrums slow and become tribal
Yes, you too, remembers what he said:
"It is impossible to rightly govern a nation without God and the Bible"
So trumpeters blew and told
their story
the drumboys rolled
out Old Glory
My God behold
Watch Old Glory
so dignified
unfold
Stars and Stripes
thus signified
an Independence newfound
on Sacred, Sacred, Splendid, Sacred, Holy ground
Kneeling at ground Zero
Never forget
My, your, Our forgotten Hero
Ole' Father George pause and take a good look around
Ole' Father George steal the stars
just this once
just in between
the glare of royal red rockets
and hand them to
the mighty 13
and the red stripes so soaked with blood
from our beloved Mother
across the pond
Sons no more, oh no, Mother
There isn't any other
It’s me now - your new younger brother
Just passing through
the bright white rays of sunlight
into the big bold box of navy blue
into starry starry nights
Ole' Father George, our hopes ignited
Your legs so weary
Our dreams excited
Thank you, Ole' Father George
Thank you, God
God Bless These States United
Form:
Since my mind started taking me on this journey going back to my past
I have worried non stop about how my heart would fall and how fast
I was right to worry and trying to keep myself all together well now sometimes that's task
But I did try to fight everyday
What to you I needed to say
But there became a time
Where those feelings I was painfully keeping inside
I knew from you I could no longer hide
They needed to be said
I just couldn't keep going like I was I couldn't breathe and the moment had come when I
couldn't any longer pretend
So I told you how I had always been with and still in love with you
You grew silent and speechless then didn't quite know what to do
I never meant to cause you any kind of sorrow
And when I look around you're not here with me today and I know you will not be here
tomorrow
I didn't want to make any trouble for you or be the reason for any heartache or pain
But I selfishly needed to so much stop my personal hell and rain
I still believe whole heartedly in everything I told to you
Even if now I am the one who don't quite know completely what to do
Some tell me to give up and just go ahead and give in
They tell me this maybe a game you're not meant to win
If that could be done easily what makes people think I wouldn't have already done it
Yet here in this room alone I still continue to sit
And even though sometimes I won't admit it, my heart's breaking off piece by piece and bit
by bit
They just don't get that on this for me giving up would just tear me more apart
Because you are the one who still after all these years has my heart
God must have a plan for me
Because dealing with all this I've come to clearly see
Just how much of a person I've grown
I know I can make it and I now am no longer afraid to stand on my own
But I understand and yes I know
That in this journey within myself I still have quite a long way to go
At times I still feel so week and that I haven't came very far
And I find myself wishing on each and every single star
Why do I at times feel so crazy and like I don't belong?
I feel like you and I were meant to be so strong
And if in feeling this I'm entirely wrong
Then to me it doesn't make any kind of sense
As to why I feel all this and more so intense...
...you and I will always be together in spirit from the day we met and until eternity