Long Latrine Poems
Long Latrine Poems. Below are the most popular long Latrine by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Latrine poems by poem length and keyword.
“Heady heights..bright neon lights..giddy delights
Arsonists torching the Indian empire
Reputations scorching..awash with brilliant whites
Gilded generation ire… spoils soiled in an oily quagmire
Sailing the conquest crest..Kiwi veneration..scaling Test Everest
Perturbed…wondrous walloping to disturbed lolloping..absurdly dire
Otherworldly umami of the Barmy Army tsunami
Marauding sneers trumpet.. foolish career nadirs..retire
Ghoulish gravity..devoured by a glutinous abyss
Bazball belter depravity..sensationally soured bucolic bliss
Hoodwinking..hasten Black caps helter skelter sinking
Downed & drowned in a bottomless basin..stinking
Hilariously or nefariously bombastic
Bellicose blows vicariously fantastic
Lambasted & larruped..willow wizards’ blizzards
Scary..leery…Kiwis dreary..wary..weary
Boisterously babbling record book pleasing Brook..
Febrile lairy timber & turnstile teasing fairy
Frazzled dreams bedazzled by pyrotechnic memes
Peacocking cavorting with shocking ripsnorter slaughter
Lampooned buffoons marooned…as Jaffas deliriously spill.. festooned just like Seville
Bazball booming batting baritones..delicious blooming blossom
Vicious..nailed..pernicious.. flailed like an impaled pesky possum
Stranded in a leaking latrine…Baz branded..reeking of what could have been
Outrageously courageous…ridiculously sublime at the same time
Flat track thuggery fortuitously free from spin skulduggery?
Cosy club snubs…mandarins’ selectorial sins?
It’s coming home..it’s coming..in Welly on the telly..what we have seen
Prodigal Bazball from South D has already well & truly been"
LADIES AND GENTS, hear this that I may increase your leisure benefits!
All who have labored for cleanliness, for a spic and span to savor,
please allow me now to do you the most ginormous of favors …
Sweep, vacuum, scrub, dust, mop … have those acts ever pissed
you off? Cleaning is tough, especially rough because results don’t
last long enough. I see from your faces, you know what I mean -
allow me to paint a scene: Your kitchen floor has not one
speck, not a smudge or spot nub to detect, and it is, oh, so sweet
walking that floor in your bare feet - - -SUDDENLY A DUTY
is stuck to your foot, some wretched crumb of vagrant soot,
a speck intruder you would gladly, madly shoot!
Well, lean in close for I can transpose the major bummer of gross
into … REWARDING, FULFILLING, LONG-LASTING DOMESTIC
PROSE!!
This can, this light weight can and its sprayed, domestic changing
dose keeps rooms as pristine as when newly, fully cleaned, YES,
from den to latrine to hall, it guards clean in all, even door frames
and walls!! Just spray, walk away, and this anti-dirt, clean hold vaccine,
THIS spray, right here, in my hand will, I vow, grant you a whopping
wow; allow this month-long guard warrior to protect your clean, EVEN
toilet bowls will maintain their sheen, EVEN toothpaste spit in haste –
just forget it because this spray, available this day with many ways to
pay, won’t quit it!
Just $9 a can, NO $.99 that results in 99% of us feeling a brain insult.
Son, you haven't really experienced life,
(And it will surely make you pine for a wife!),
Until you are thrust into noisy open-bay coops,
With fifty other snorting and snoring troops!
The sergeants demand that things be just right.
Bunks must be made with blankets smooth and tight!
Clothes must be hung straight and boots shined to a glow,
And all your shoes lined under your bunk in a row!
As the bugle at early dawn is blown,
Fifty guys rush to the latrine as if chased by a cyclone,
All vying at once for a place at the sink,
Because the line gets long as quick as a wink!
You're invited to a GI party on Friday nights without miss,
But this is no occasion for a cool beer and socializing, this!
On hands and knees with a GI brush in hand,
You'll be scrubbing and waxing until the floor is grand!
Saturday you'll stand by your bunk for a white-glove inspection,
The eagle-eyed captain checking everything demanding perfection!
If dust he discovers you'll receive reams and reams of demerits!
Forget the weekend pass - you'll be on KP peeling taters and carrots!
Let not your heart be troubled by the recruiter's garrulous spiel!
After all, he's paid to embellish army life to offer you a fabulous deal!
When he called you 'private' you assumed there'd be privacy in store.
Never mind that you must share the latrine with fifty guys or more!
Make it a policy to eat all the curious grub the cooks slop on your tray!
Compliment the mess sarge - it might defer you from KP for another day!
Tell your sarge his wife is lovely - though she's as homely as Hooligan's goat!
He is certain to acclaim your acumen and a three-day pass he's apt to float!
Always appear busy - walk around with a clipboard in hand wearing a frown.
The captain might promote you to PFC on the spot so don't you let him down.
If a grumpy sergeant should deign to ask what you're doing, you could retort,
"Sarge, the colonel told me to inventory flypaper use on post and submit a report!"
Never volunteer for anything, though it may be an offer you shouldn't refuse!
Arrange things neatly in your footlocker for display and always shine your shoes!
Sergeants like things regular and complete, so don't give them any sass.
Officers' mega-egos are crushed if you don't salute, so always salute the brass!
Scrub the floor, shave your mug and be ready for Saturday morning inspection.
Best you pass the captain's scrutiny else he won't shower you with affection!
Keep your hair cut, a crease in your pants and you'll get along without a glitch.
They might even see fit to promote you to general on your very first hitch!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Bi-polar bear’s crafty and mean
So snooty she acts like a queen
She’s cold and aloof
Of that I have proof
And was last seen on the latrine
Bi-polar bear peed on the ice
Bright yellow ice didn’t look nice
To cover her tracks
She grabbed her ice axe
Her chopping was not quite precise
Bi-polar bear made a huge hole
And into the hole she did roll
A male saboteur
Did not rescue her
He battered her head with a pole!
Bi-polar bear could not be found
It’s thought that Bi- polar bear drowned
I’d love to raise a huge glass
To whoever kicked her ass
Sadly he did not hang around
NOT for Contest
Follow up to a poem written with Lin Lane in May 2017
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/bi_polar_bear_collaboration_with_lin_lane_901528
11-07-17
I traveled to a land I always wanted to see.
I was on the slopes of Vesuvius in Italy.
Here I was among ancient ruins alone.
There was something strange carved on this wall of stone.
I called the tour guide to come over right away.
“I do not read Latin, so what does it say?
This looks like a poem on a wall here in Pompeii.
What did this person write on that fateful day?
Whoever this individual was, he or she was alone.
They had nothing better to do but to inscribe on the stone.”
Lena and I were now apart from the crowd.
When she read the inscription, she laughed aloud.
“We are among the remains of an excavated latrine.
What you see is graffiti that is rather obscene.
This writing is about a boy describing his girlfriend.
She had very big **** and a fat rear end.
Perhaps the gods were angry from this episode.
That is what may have made the mountain explode”
It wasn't all that long ago when a hole in the ground was where people would go.
Many grew sick from lack of hygiene so some one invented the pit latrine.
This greatly prevented the spread of disease. People squatted over a slab
and bent at the knees.
The first flushable was used by British royalty, a toilet that the commoner
would never see.
Chamber pots and out houses were used by many.
They composted the waste and saved a lot of pennies.
Years later dry toilets were used in most homes.
They had a wooden seat as their throne.
Some time during the twentieth century flushable toilets were
in every home you would see.
Tout allure and hello to a cleaner way.
A clever French man invented the bidet.
Is this too much information? Don't go yet.
The end of my evolution of the toilet.
Cascading waves of azure wash ashore
while cerulean curls color the sky;
subservient to time and nothing more.
The Sea absorbs a zillion drops of rain,
from a melody of showers and storms;
a dominatrix of pleasure and pain.
From indigo shades to aquamarine
She is the heart and lungs of our planet,
but, we have turned Her into a latrine.
Sullied by centuries of pollution;
Her shores are littered, no longer pristine;
for we lack a practical solution.
Our once-thriving, living Sea is dying,
placing the whole world in grievous danger:
till one can almost hear Nature crying.
Just to keep up with a new style, while the Sand man sticks to a plan to hence understand the sentence one tense to be rinsed as the Grinch defends his tent in a pinch despite its foul rotten odor of a stench mouthed one voter who was NOT that dense in past present and future tense hence the bench warrant quarantine latrine screaming beanie baby trading card retarded jarred smarties party past time hardly hardy bartering shotgun runtime bubble covered in Nick at night slime time grime crockery stole bike spike Lymes disease treaty spiked seizer sky high geyser lightning bolt jolt soda colt cold shouldered boulder scolded holding smoldering diamond ring rugged bug-eyed smuggler tug of war tare of a care bare share holder folder to be both bad and bolder like gold oil and drugs with extra hugs and butt plugs underneath the rugs for the fuzz buzzing love jugs whatever that was or wasn’t but not my cousin nuzzling the guzzled puzzling Charlie Sheen screaming ice cream machine that feeds a team and the b team both green beans and brings the fiends back to their gene’s roots and boot scooting things... Let us see what else life brings. The Time is NOW! POW!!!
Bazbally…inspired and fired by venerable Peter who does attack the arty farty and gives flak to the illuminati Papal cabal party and also banal Baz for well just being cack & tarty..(he christened it "Bazbally")
Latest pundits gambits
Now spits from pulpits
At first plenty of plaudits
A mystery tapestry knits
Well we were the pits
Early hurly burly flits
Hasty but tasty titbits
On a whim best Test bits
Bazbally’s greatest hits
Magic to tragic habits
Us prissy about its zits
Fame & then hissy fits
Grim became dimwits
All the same tatts on ti*s
Can't tame the squits
Blame big name gits
Insane vain inane remits
Twa*s annoying as nits
In a latrine our game sits
Willy nilly silly billy skits
Alpha male tale derails splits
Ben zen again got the sh**s
Nation shrinks in Baz’s mitts
Identikit kinks but no edits
Cheeky winks at us Brits
With flash brash affidavits
Stinks thinks we’re all twits
Series sinks through the slits
Fans issue cease & desist writs
All along Key & ECB also culprits
They gave out Bazbally permits
Should vanish banished hermits
Then the wrong Kiwi quits!